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8 Signs You’ve Been In The Dating Scene Too Long

For those of you in happy-go-lucky relationships wearing matching L.L. Bean jackets and getting professional couples’ photos taken, congratulations on making singles want to stab themselves in the eye. Perpetual daters: while our coupled-counterparts are off gallivanting through Macy’s picking out tablecloths together, feel free to browse through this list of signs that you’ve been in the dating world way too long.

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1. You have an escape plan in case the date sucks

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You’ve reached that point in your dating career where you’ve had enough horrendous dates that you’re fully prepared for another. You’ve already changed your best friend’s name in your phone as “mom” and have informed her that if you text her the secret word, she’ll call you up telling you that your dog ate a tampon and is being rushed to the vet immediately. “Thanks for the dinner Aaron; too bad I won’t be able to make the movie—what a bummer!”

2. You have a designated “date” outfit”

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Like any other girl, you know what looks good on you. Since you’ve been dating for so long, you know what outfit makes guys drool. It might be that tight red dress or it might be that slinky backless tank with jeans. Whatever outfit it is, you only wear it on a date. After all, what if you stain it wasting your fabulous outfit on a regular day? What would you wear on a date with your future husband?

3. You schedule dates even if you're not exactly excited about it because hellllloooo, free meal


Daryl from marketing has a huge crush on you, but you don’t have a huge crush on Daryl from marketing. When he asks you to go out with him to that fancy new Italian restaurant known for their oven-fresh bread sticks and carbo-load pastas, you jump at the chance. Sure you don’t like Daryl, but he’s a nice guy—and when will you ever get a chance to get a free meal like this again?

4. When you’re out on dates, you run into other guys you’ve dated


It’s actually a really small world—that’s why you keep running into guys you’ve already dated when on dates with new guys. When you really think about it, New York is a tiny city. Everyone knows everyone, it’s got like, a really small town feel, ya know? No. Okay…

5. You notice hot guys while you’re on a date with another guy


You’re so used to hopping from one date to another that sometimes you get distracted by potential date opportunities. Your waiter is really hot—like, really. Is he wearing a wedding band? He’s been talking and smiling with that blonde hostess in the corner all night. Are they together? Eww. Whatever. You didn't like him anyway.

6. Getting drunk while on a date isn't totally out of the question


Years ago, you tried to be a classy little lady on your best behavior while on dates. That’s great, but when using your best manners, your date doesn’t get to see the real you. You’re a little nervous, so clearly you need to have a glass at dinner to relax. You’re not sure if you like the wine so you have a second glass, just to make sure. When the waiter comes to refill your glass, you realize you’ve reached the point of no return and embrace the fact that you’re going to be drunk and your date can just deal with it.

7. You silently sulk when your friend gets engaged


It’s nice that your BFF is engaged, but… you’re not. You still troll Tinder, contemplate getting a account (because clearly Tinder isn’t working), and spend your Saturday nights on first dates or attempting Pinterest crafts by yourself. When your BFF gets engaged, you start thinking you’re going to be forever alone and might shed a few tears. But shh! Don’t tell.

8. You daydream about what you’ll do when you get home


Some dates are better than others, but when you’ve been dating for a while, you’ve seen it all. You’ve dated guys who’ve pulled out all the stops for you with wine and flowers, and you’ve dated guys who’ve taken you to the community pool for a first date. Either way, engaging in awkward conversation with a new stranger isn’t exactly on your list of exciting things to do for the night. While looking over the menu, you start planning your evening when you get home. I’m going to take a bath and wear my flannel pj pants from college. I’m going to throw a blanket around me and start a marathon of Parks and Rec and snuggle with the dog…

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