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7.A laptop sticker for anyone who's spent the last hour drafting an email to their boss before consulting their coworkers about whether they've used too many or too few exclamation marks (does this say fun! and approachable! or do I sound like I'm screaming?) and then ultimately waited until the following week to revisit the email, read it 20 more times, and then hit send.
9.A useless box that'll make you say, "it me" at least five times. This box is strong and durable (it me), doesn't require installation (it me), opens and closes by itself (it me) and will bring you endless joy (it me). Yet it's useless (it me!) because you flip the switch and watch as the box opens to reveal a metal rod that flips the switch causing the box to shut. Sounds pretty stupid, right. Well, tell that to the dozens of reviewers who love it for the hours of stress-free fun it provides.
10.An enamel pin so people know not to come to you with questions. I'm just here because I heard there was free food. Please do not ask me anything.
11.A "My Favorite Murder" keychain to honor your favorite book from the hosts of the only podcast you can be bothered to listen to every week.
12.A reversible pillow for anyone who loves surprises. At first it's just a normal sequin-covered pillow, but a few swipes of you hand reveal the face of our lord and savior Nicolas Cage. Give him an eye patch, transform him into a sexy lucha libre, or turn him into an emo with a nosebleed (??); he's a versatile actor so anything goes!
13.A creative journal that'll help you embrace and celebrate your inner weirdness. It's filled with quirky hand-drawn creatures, writing prompts, and fun activities.
14.A La Croix–esque dog toy to add to the collection because of course your son also shares your obsession with ~barkling~ water (this is a pamplemousse-only household!).
15.A threatening oven mitt so your guests know they need to stay tf out of your tiny kitchen because they're in the way.
17.Let That Sh*t Go, an adult journal that'll help you let go of grudges and negativity so you can achieve catharsis. This'll help you become as ~chill~ as you tell your Tinder dates you are.
18.A funny fridge magnet to perfectly encapsulate your feelings about not eating bread...and pasta...and chips.
19.A woman yelling at cat print for the meme-literate youths. Some days I'm Smudge the cat, while other days I'm 100% Taylor from RHOBH. Occasionally I am both.
20.A cat butt coloring book so you can blow off some steam and maybe have a good laugh. for anyone who's ~feline~ artsy or who just needs a good laugh. It's a butt, people! We all have one!
21.A cat lady action figure to make you chuckle, because you're nothing like that at all. Uh huh, nothing wrong here! Six cats? Totally normal! Pockets filled with cat treats? But of course! Clothes *always* covered in cat hair? It'll keep you warm!
22.A mini Wacky Waving Inflatable Tube Guy to bring joy to your life. Look at this lil' guy just flapping his arms and body, 100% content with his life. *This* is what I aspire to be. *This* is what we should all aspire to be.
23.An extraterrestrial iPhone case so people know to stay away. I'm gonna need you to stand at least five feet away from me at all times, OK? Tysm!