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The 17 Best Things Matt Bellassai Whined About In 2015

"We're all just trying to turn hard work into chicken nuggets."

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1. The Worst Things About Being an Adult

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"You have to call your own doctor; I'm not mature enough to speak to a medical professional."

2. The Worst Types of People on Instagram

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"Do you know how many hashtags are necessary? Zero! Zero hashtags."

3. The Most Annoying Types of Couples

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"There is only one two-for-one special I am interested in and it comes with a side of gravy."

4. Things People Do in Public That They Should Do in Private

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"Unless you are literally being chased by a man with a functioning chainsaw, there is no good reason to be running."

5. The Worst Things About Online Dating

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"Do you want to know who else liked music, movies, and books? Hitler!"

6. The Worst Things About Weddings

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"Jesus said, 'Thou shall not have a wedding and make thou guests pay to get fucked up.'"

7. The Most Annoying People to Text With

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"Don't you dare text me 'K' unless you are ready to throw down."

8. Reasons Wearing Pants Is the Absolute Worst

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"Let's squeeze into a piece of fabric that measures how much fatter you are than the last time you tried on pants."

9. Reasons Mornings Are the Absolute Worst

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"My body isn't ready to confront the world until I've had at least three cups of coffee, cereal, a nap, and lunch."

10. The Worst Things About Fall

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"Do you know what pie is better than apple pie? Any pie! Any pie is better than apple pie!"

11. The Worst Types of Roommates

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"If you think for a second that I don't count every stick of the sweet potato fries that are in the fridge, you're out of your goddamn mind."

12. Types Of Foods That Are the Worst

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"What kind of a bitch noodle is a ramen noodle?"

13. Reasons Why Kids Are the Absolute Worst

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"Never once have I come across a kid that didn't have at least two dirty Hello Kitty Band-Aids loosely covering a green scab."

14. The Worst Things About Office Holiday Parties

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"Just because Santa is watching, doesn’t mean he wants you grinding on things you’re not allowed to grind on the other 364 days a year."

15. Reasons Going Out Is the Worst

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"Making plans to go out is like trying to wrangle a pack of gorillas into a broken-down station wagon."

16. Types of College Students That Annoy Me

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"There is always that one guy who loves ultimate frisbee. Do you know who else loves ultimate frisbee? Dogs! Actual dogs love it."

17. Types Of Co-Workers That Are the Absolute Worst

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"We're all just trying to turn hard work into chicken nuggets."

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