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11 Reasons Hippos Are The Most Awesome Animals Of All Time

Spoiler alert: they're actually pretty terrifying when they want to be.

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5. And they're exceptional at farting. Just try to out-fart a hippo. You will fail.

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6. Also, hippos are so awesome that they secrete two unique acids on their skin. They keep bacteria from growing on them, and they prevent sunburns.

7. Hippos are so badass that the Colombian cocaine king Pablo Escobar had a zoo with some. They were left upon his death in 1993. In 2006 three hippos broke out of the zoo, terrorizing Colombian crops and neighborhoods. One named Pepe was killed in 2009.

And this dude right here? He got SWALLOWED by a hippo, and miraculously lived to tell the tale.

static.guim.co.uk

This is what he said about it: "I reached over [to the fellow tour guide] but as our fingers were about to touch, I was engulfed in darkness. There was no transition at all, no sense of approaching danger. It was as if I had suddenly gone blind and deaf.

"Hippos' mouths have huge tusks, slicing incisors and a bunch of smaller chewing teeth. It felt as if the bull was making full use of the whole lot as he mauled me – a doctor later counted almost 40 puncture wounds and bite marks on my body. The bull simply went berserk, throwing me into the air and catching me again, shaking me like a dog with a doll."