Recently, I started reading Think Like A Breadwinner by investing app Acorns' chief education officer Jennifer Barrett. She spends one of the first chapters breaking down the sexist money messages our society serves up to men and women alike, and let me tell you, I am hooked.
Reading about these messages (and remembering some wildly sexist "advice" I've been given) made me really curious what other people think. So I asked the BuzzFeed Community to share the most sexist things people have told them about money. Here's what they had to say:
1. "Had a colleague tell me I should marry a man (I’m a lesbian) before applying for a mortgage, as a husband would make more than a wife, therefore I’d get a better offer. Safe to say I didn’t take it and am just going for a mortgage on my own."
2. "Planning for my first job post-college, a relative said: 'You don't need to get insurance when you graduate; you can rely on your husband's plan.' I was very single at the time...now I'm married, and my husband is on MY plan."
3. “'You’ll sell more if you show some cleavage!' I was already the top seller in my store.”
4. "I was having my review with my boss and was asking him about opportunities for me to move up in the company, so as to earn a better living for myself. I recently had to move back in with my parents because rent and life in general has gotten too expensive for a single person to afford, and his advice was for me to get a sugar daddy."
5. "Told my dad that I was going to study English and photography at university, and he insisted that I do law instead (yeah, I'm Indian). When asked why he replied, 'Photography isn't a real career for a girl, and being a teacher is long hours and a lot of commitment, which is too stressful for a girl.'"
6. "My wife and I (we’re both women) contribute financially in different ways. I have a full-time job, and she owns property and makes the majority of her money from rent and from private tutoring lessons she gives a few times a week. We earn about the same, but she has a buttload of free time and spends it all volunteering at homeless shelters."
"When she’s not volunteering she’s making art or reading. I have been referred to several times as the 'man' of the relationship, because people see me as the breadwinner for working full-time, despite us earning about the same amount of money."
7. "I'm a saver. I tend to save whatever money I have because I don't like spending on what I want, but what I need. I constantly hear, 'You should spend more, that's a woman's thing, and then when you marry you can learn how to spend your husband's money.'"
"The thought that just because I'm a woman, marriage means spending money, or that I'll spend a man's money so I need to 'learn' how to spend, is absurd."
8. "My husband and I got married on a Thursday morning in the most minimal of settings. When we told the registrar beforehand that we didn't need a big celebration after 20 years of a relationship, she was very thoughtful at first, but then she nodded understandingly and said: 'I understand, as a woman you also have to secure yourself financially!'"
"I was earning more than three times as much as my husband at the time. So I stood up, picked up my purse and just said, 'I'll go pay the fees then.'"
9. "I'd financed a car in my name and my name alone. A few days after collecting it, I received a call from the finance company asking if I'd like to add on a few extra insurance packages. I politely declined, only to be told by the male caller that I should 'speak it over with my boyfriend or husband before making a decision.' I absolutely hit the roof and told him exactly what I thought of his extra insurance policies."
10. "When I was a teacher, a financial adviser came to speak to us about retirement plans. One piece of advice was to 'marry a high roller for at least 10 years' so that we get half his social security at retirement."
11. "My cousin (a guy) wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. He first came up with the idea when he was 7 or 8 years old, and it stuck with him all the way through high school. Then the school counselor told him he shouldn't be a kindergarten teacher because those men will always be seen as pedophiles, and he would always have to deal with those allegations. He became a nurse instead."
12. "That the man should always pay! I was taught that no matter your financial situation, as the man it's your responsibility to always pay on dates with women. I'm gay now, but I always thought it was stupid that I should pay because I'm a man."
13. "When I was applying for a PhD and was quite stressed about it, a friend of mine said that I shouldn't worry so much since 'I can always marry someone.' As if marriage is backup career option. How does that even make sense?"
14. "Once someone told me to 'never tell a partner when you get promoted at work because it may make him feel inadequate.' They went on to say that I should lie about my salary to a male partner to not only make him feel more like a 'provider,' but also so they always pay for your dates! Gross. I'm no mooch, and my partner isn't an ATM."
15. "When I was younger (maybe 12 or 13) I told my aunt that I wanted to be a lawyer (I am studying law now, BTW) and she said, 'Oh... why? You are so pretty you can just marry into money! You don't need to make it yourself! What a silly girl!!'"
"I was, and am, so horrified that she said that to me, and I felt so worthless! But, joke's on her — I'm studying to become a successful lawyer, and I'm on my way!!"
16. "When I was finishing my doctorate and applying for jobs, one of my male professors told me that I shouldn't bother negotiating for a higher salary, but then I overheard him telling a male classmate all about the importance of negotiating."
"Also for the record, I had a 4.0 and had over 45 interviews at the time. My male classmate had a 3.4 and only about five interviews lined up."
17. "One time when I was getting a tattoo, the owner of the shop (who wasn't the one tattooing me, so he was in my artist's room without asking if he could be there) told me I would make so much money on Twitch because I'm a female with tattoos and all I would need to do is show a little cleavage."
18. "When I was 12 (!!!) my mom told me to marry a rich golfer (I was going through a golfing phase) so I could get all the stuff I want (like bags and stuff). I WAS 12."
19. "Worst advice was 'give your checks to your BF so he can save your money for you.' Listen, I know I’m a whore for buying candles, but damn, give me a break! 😂"
20. And, "I’m a senior in high school wanting to go into STEM and get a PhD, and I’m planning on going to community college and cheap school for undergrad to save money for grad school."
"I can’t even count the amount of times that counselors have suggested going to a more expensive school for undergrad since 'I’ll change my mind on wanting to get an advanced degree,' essentially insinuating I’ll get married or just go to college to find a husband instead of fulfilling my goals of being successful in my career. I don’t want to get a MRS degree; I want to get a PhD. Is that so hard to understand?"
Submissions have been edited for length and clarity.
Has anyone ever said something sexist to you about money or your career? Share your story in the comments below.
And for the latest money tips and tricks, check out the rest of our personal finance posts.