Recently, moms shared the biggest lies they were told about having kids, and their honesty was truly eye-opening. Well, in the comments, even more parents chimed in with things they learned only after having kids. Here's what they had to say:
1. "Pregnancy is magical — just sometimes that magic is more like a witch's curse."
2. "On the flip side, before having my son I only ever heard that pregnancy was torturous, that I'd be unable to function normally, that it would destroy my body — only negatives. I spent so much time worrying about some horrors that never came to be. Now that I'm pregnant with my second, people only seem to ask me about my pregnancy with a pitying, 'Oh you must be so sick, has the morning sickness and cravings been so bad, are you over it already,' etc. Both of my pregnancies have been blissful. Yes, my body changed, but it is making people. I'm proud! Luckily, I know this time to brush off the fear-mongering and enjoy myself."
3. "The depth of love you feel is new and profound. So are all the other emotions and feelings, too. They don't prepare you for the new depths of frustration, helplessness, and fears that every new parent experiences."
4. "Not as bad as billed: Changing poopy diapers/clothes. It's not that hard and you get used to it. Worse than expected: Getting up in the middle of the night. It wears you down in many ways."
5. "Postpartum depression is real. And it is terrible. And more people need to talk about it. Too many women don't talk about it, and/or don't admit it, and then they don't get the help they need. And then terrible things happen. I got to a very dark place. Thank God I got help. New moms need help."
6. "Yes, you become a different person but that doesn’t always mean it’s a bad thing. It may be making way for you to be a better, kinder, more patient person. Not always, but sometimes people get hung up on the idea that they aren’t who they use to be and that can be draining. It’s easier to embrace it. I always loved this quote: 'You lose yourself in the things you love. You find yourself there, too.'"
7. "It never ends. I am up at 6 or 6:30 every day with my one-year-old. My three-year-old is then up within an hour. I am a stay-at-home mom, so I’m with them all day. My oldest doesn’t nap anymore. She goes to bed around 7, though it may sometimes drag on until 8 p.m. The baby needs to nurse between nine–10 p.m. for a 'dream feed' so she will sleep longer. Then she is up around 2 a.m. and only sleeps if she is in bed with me, where I then don’t sleep well because she is nursing or moving around. I get about a two-hour window every day for me. And then I have to somehow fit my interests and wants and time with my husband in. Even when I’m sleeping I am mothering. It’s so exhausting."
8. "If the baby is fed, warm, dry, not hurt, and not ill, it’s okay to let them cry once in a while. Since babies don’t have language skills, they communicate by crying but it doesn’t mean something is 'wrong'; it could be as simple as, 'I’m bored or 'these socks are itchy.' I’m not saying to ignore a crying baby. But it’s okay to check on them, let them know you’re there so they feel secure, and let them fuss it out for a bit, checking in on them every five or ten minutes or so. Picking up a baby every time they cry can set both mom and baby up for a difficult road ahead."
9. "It will seem like an eternity for them to grow up and it will seem like overnight. You might have the world's easiest delivery and you might have a messy, painful one (and you might have both!). You might feel like bearing down and end up pooping. Your baby might be beautiful or they might grow into it. The bottom line is, it's not the same for everyone and you can't always prepare for every possibility."
"Don't be afraid to ask for help and don't be afraid to ask questions. The reason other parents don't tell you the scary stuff is because sometimes it is scary, and sometimes you don't actually experience it, so the theory is why scare the woman?"
10. "In my younger mom days, I wish people had warned me about the comparison trap, especially on social media. Social media will have you thinking that if you're not enjoying every second of parenthood and posting pics of your baby weekly that you're not cut out for parenthood."
11. "Your kids should not be your entire existence. You will be pretty empty when they fly the nest and suddenly have their own lives if that's how you make it. So within reason, have friends, do things, prioritize yourself, ask for help, go on dates, get a hobby, join a club, etc. etc."
12. "If you are going to have a kid, make sure you have the means to do it on your own. Having a child changes some people completely, accidents happen, tragedies happen, big work moves happen, you might be on your own. And please also remember that you can love your child with all of your heart and soul and still hate being a parent. Especially a single parent."
"Some days nothing will go right: your toddler will be naked, running through the house pooping and laughing while you're in a meeting, and the gentle calm parenting techniques will be right out the window (from experience). You're gonna blow up. You have to remember that, and you have to take your time to come down from that place and then come back with fresh focus and apologize to that little shit demon. It'll be hard. But they'll make you laugh every day. Weigh it all out and make YOUR choice."
13. "The best, most honest baby advice I ever got was from my mom (RIP). People will tell you the newborn stage is magical, cherish every minute, blah blah blah. No, you just have to survive the first eight weeks. It is an extreme exhaustion sundae with hormonal hell on top. And then yes, when you look back 18 years later, you’d do it all again in a heartbeat."
14. "'ALL that matters is a healthy baby' is frequently said about birth. NO. As a mom, your health, comfort, and preferences matter, too. I think some people mean well and think it's reassuring, especially when births don't go to plan. Far too often it is used to quiet women who need to talk about their traumatic birth experiences."
15. "I thought I was going to be an excellent mother and it was going to come naturally to me. I love my daughter with all my heart, but it has been a real struggle for me to be a mom."
16. "I don’t think people talk enough about how much you relive your childhood — the good and the bad — when you have a child. It can be extremely triggering as you try to understand the decisions your parents made, and if there is abuse or trauma in your past, it can be emotionally exhausting to relive that as you face similar situations with your child. Therapy really helps."
17. "I learned quickly that I needed to prioritize my need to use the bathroom over pretty much everything else. Almost everything my baby needs can wait two minutes. I am entitled to dignity, and post-pregnancy, I just can't hold it like I used to. I deserve better than to pee my pants."
18. "There may be no 'right time' to have kids, but there are definitely wrong times."
19. "The thing I found about being honest about pregnancy and child-rearing is that some will listen and appreciate that you are being real, some really resent it and don’t want to hear about it. And every person’s experience is SO different, even with your own kids, that sometimes being real doesn’t matter because your lived experience is so different from others. It’s a wild ride and the best you can do is just hang on and go along for the whole wonderful, wild, difficult, amazing thing."
20. "My mom was so excited when I was pregnant with my first. I thought I'd need to find ways to ask her for some space. I was very wrong. She'd visit every few weeks or so, hold the baby, and take a few pictures, and then on she went with her life. I was struggling in every way that a new parent can struggle — sleep deprivation, anxiety, postpartum depression — and she never once asked me how I was doing, or offered us any kind of help or support. She showed little to no attachment to her grandchild. It broke my heart and my relationship with her has never been the same."
"This time around with my second, I knew what to expect and was prepared for it. It's a tough lesson, but what I learned is that you may be surprised by who your supports actually end up being. Not only that, but other people just might not care about your kids the way you thought they would. And other people will love them more than you ever imagined."