Okay, before we start, let me make one thing clear. I love weirdos. Oddballs. Folks with singular interests, unusual perspectives, and chaotic vibes. If I call you a weirdo, just know that I say it with deep love and affection.
So when I came across a viral tweet from @emonormie talking about how you always meet the absolute weirdest people on Facebook Marketplace, I was like, yes, 100%, this is true, and I love it. So I had to dive into the thread.
facebook marketplace is a wonderful place to get rlly good shit for rlly cheap but it’s also amazing bc every time you meet the person yr selling to or buying from they are the weirdest person you have ever met in your life
Well, let's just say that they are not wrong, and Facebook Marketplace will truly expand your world. Here we go:
1. This person who just gave their cat away??? I don't understand it, but I'm glad the cat found someone who appreciates them.
@emonormie I went for a dresser and got a cat? We just had to catch it, apparently it had gotten out and she didn’t wanna deal with it anymore?? Like I still bought the dresser but what the fuck
2. This person who was ready to get rid of stuff by any means necessary:
@emonormie One time I went to this storage shed sale and for $15 I could take what I wanted. I kept trying to leave and the lady kept physically putting stuff in my hands and car because she wanted to get rid of it. I kept saying "no I'm okay!" and she would just do it anyways lmao
3. This person who might be an undercover superhero:
@emonormie Incredibly true. A dude rode up on a bike and wanted to buy our camper. He thought maybe he could pull it? Reader: it weighed 2000 pounds. He was offended I wouldn’t let him try. I told him that I’d take his cash when he came back with a vehicle to tow it away.
4. This person who only had six hours of chit chat on their schedule:
@emonormie This one time when I was selling my washer and dryer on there and this dude was inside my house for like 6 hours telling me his life story and then was like sorry I don’t have time for chit chat I’m on a schedule and then left
5. I just want to hug both people in this story (and the plant). These are my people:
@emonormie i got a tea jasmine plant from a japanese exchange student who was moving back home after completing her degree and she hugged the pot goodbye before handing it to me when i said i would take good care of her baby we were both the weirdo in the same exact way and it ruled
6. These people, however, not so much:
@emonormie thinking about the time these ppl randomly showed up at my house when we never planned a set time for them to pick up the chair I was selling AND they didn’t even pay for it beforehand and then got pissed bc nobody answered the door … I was at work …
7. This loving fish-father:
@emonormie i had to rehome my fish once. the guy was definitely bizarro. in the end, he took excellent care of my fish- kept the names i gave all of them & periodically texted me video updates of them fat, happy, and THRIVING in a self-sustained ecosystem he built in the tank.
8. This #blessed encounter:
@emonormie I had a lady buying a love seat from me in the middle of the transaction go “I feel like you really need a prayer”. And me, being non religious, was like “BRING IT ON” so we held a little prayer circle for me in my apartment complex parking lot
9. And this pinball wizard:
@emonormie I picked up this pinball machine for free last week and as soon as I showed up the garage door opened and a shirtless old man from Queens came out and helped me load it in my truck. Absolutely wacky
10. This couple that apparently likes both drinking and spilling tea:
@emonormie When we bought our Keurig, we got the whole background on the relationship of the seller and her boyfriend. They were selling the coffee maker because it was given to him by his ex and they’re “tea drinkers now 😐”. I hope she and the guy are doing alright
11. This person who miiiiiiight wanna get their eyes checked:
@emonormie Had one person say they wanted to buy my skull ring. I said "actually it's a picture of jesus " they said "even better " They also wanted my dragon bracelet. "Those are wolves man" "I'll take them !" He was hilarious and I made bank
12. And this person who really just made themselves at home:
@emonormie One lady sent her husband to pick up some clothes I sold, after he picked them he washed his car with our garden hose, then picked mint, basil and some flowers from our front yard. I had a blast watching him from the front window lol.
13. This person who just wanted some alone time:
@emonormie I sold an iPad to a dude that drove an hour and a half north solely so he didn’t have to go shopping with his wife and kids
14. This person who, much like Sonic the Hedgehog, gotta go fast:
@emonormie I sold a bass to a guy one time and he ran up to my car while I was still driving, pulled the bass out thru the window, tossed in the cash, and yelled "THANKS" before jogging off. It was the correct amount of money.
15. This person who wears whatever they want, weather be damned:
@emonormie Once bought a gamecube and the guy was wearing a huge cartoon trenchcoat but also crocs and it was like 90 degrees outside most bizzare normal man ive ever met
16. And this person whose social media presence is...unsettling:
@emonormie You mean like that time a man met me with his really lovely family and sold me a gorgeous wood chest for $20 and then I double checked his Facebook to realize his profile pictures were all of Saddam Hussein?
And finally, a word of warning:
@emonormie There’s 1 weirdo in the transaction, if you think the other person is normal, you’re the weirdo