29 Signs You’re A Warhammer Player

Your wallet may be empty, but your battlefield is full.

1. You dither for days before choosing your faction

2. And are immediately disappointed with your choice

3. Especially when you are getting stomped by a army of these

4. You are creative enough to make sure that you have a board ready to go at a moment’s notice

5. Or you have enough chutzpah to convince your significant other you need one of these

6. You call this place your second home

7. And are immediately annoyed when people come into the shop to play Catan

Boo to sheep.

8. You consider Chaos players the lowest form of life

The face of evil.

9. Because not only are they hideously overpowered but they have figurines like this lying around the house

10. You avidly discuss your greatest victories at tournaments

“During the normal deployment/setup phase, Shooter places his commander on the field. In Warhammer, two players are supposed to take turns - deploying and counter-deploying until everything is on the field. However, Wheels announces that he’s deploying nothing - he’ll hold his entire force in reserve (as he planned all along). Shooter places a row of scouts into a single thin skirmish line covering Wheels’ entire edge of the table.

Scouts can be deployed anywhere, but anti-cheese rules prevent him putting a scout within 30 cm of an opposing unit, but there are no opposing units anywhere on the field and so the rule is moot. Tactically, these scouts are fucked - they have no cover, no support, and they’re on open ground. As soon as the opposing cavalry takes the field, these guys will die.

The deployment phase ends. It’s now Wheels’ turn. Shooter informs him that the game is over. Wheels can’t actually deploy any of his motorcycles - anti-cheese rules prevent him from placing a reserve unit within 5cm of an enemy model. There isn’t a single 5cm gap anywhere on Wheels’ edge of the field. Wheels’ entire force is doomed to sit uselessly “in reserve” until the game ends, at which point he’ll lose automatically because Shooter controls the entire map.

The tournament officials declared that Shooter’s interpretation of the rules was technically correct and granted him the victory.

And now you know why Shooter is smiling while Wheels is poring over a rulebook.”

11. But are quick to discount your losses (or the game) as “cheap”

“Competitive Warhammer 40K is a myth. It doesn’t exist. Never has. Who wins or loses a game of Warhammer 40K is not primarily determined by any intrinsic quality of the players, such as “skill” or “talent”. As a result, you cannot truly “compete” with another player using Warhammer 40K.

Instead, Warhammer 40K is a very metagame-biased game. The outcome of any given match is disproportionately determined by the the army-lists, the codices and other Metagame-aspects. This makes 40K the popular hobby it is. But it trumps any personal quality or characteristic that you, as a player, could actually bring to a “competition” with another player” - Pinsofwar

12. You are jealous when someone breaks out the hottest new unit

13. So you up the ante by purchasing your own prohibitively expensive piece

14. You refer to people who don’t paint as “dabblers”

15. And won’t let them into tournament play

From Warhammer Tournament Rules….

“No one likes playing against an army consisting of unpainted, inappropriately
based or broken and chipped models; this is a grown up hobby played by grown up
people who are sensible enough to know both what “fully painted” and
“acceptable” means. Unpainted miniatures are not allowed, and as such will be removed from play by Referees. Additionally, any conversions or scratch-built models that are considered to be unsuitable by the Referees will be removed from play.

Bare undercoat never counts as painted, and just sand on a base is not enough; the list of what makes an unacceptable army is extensive, but suffice to say if you’re not sure, ask before the day of the event with enough time to make any changes that you need to make.

Painting covers all styles, from inking to washes and dip, to highlighting and shading. Since there are so many techniques available for the painter, the Referees will do their best to be open minded about the techniques used, but in the end, it is all about aesthetics and the Referees’ call.

We wholeheartedly encourage players to go to town with their armies and bring along interesting and innovatively converted or scratch built models that represent both their skills and their love of the hobby and its background.” - Games Workshop

16. You, however, obsess about the color scheme of your army

17. You spend days relearning ancient skills such as paper mache

18. So someday your terrain can look like this

19. Even though the end result will most like resemble something like this

20. You have an impressive knowledge of geometry

21. Since that comes in handy when casting spells

22. When the chips are down you have no problem being spiteful…

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23. Magnanimous

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24. Or just plain jubilant that you snatched victory from the jaws of defeat

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25. Because there will always be another game…

26. Another figure to purchase….

27. Another Chaos player to defeat…

28. Because otherwise you might find yourself playing Warmachine

29. Or simply give up and starts playing Blood Bowl

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