We're often taught that in order to have a healthy relationship, you should be able to tell your partner anything. But sometimes, being totally honest with your significant other can cause more harm than good, and it can actually be beneficial to keep some things to yourself. But how are you supposed to know what to share and what to hide?
Recently, Reddit user u/SingleReporterasked, "What things should be kept private from your SO, no matter how healthy your relationship is?" A bunch of people answered, so here's an idea of things you might also want to keep to yourself:
1."No matter how healthy a relationship is, there'll always come a time where you have resentful thoughts about your spouse. Those should be kept to yourself, as most of them pass quickly. The only time you should share them is if they're persisting in some behavior that is hurting you, and then it should be done calmly and not in the heat of the moment. For instance, if you got home from work tired to find your spouse binge-watching a TV show, but the sink is full of dirty dishes, the impulse may be to lace into them. Don't. Go ahead and do the dishes, and tomorrow, when that initial flash of anger has passed, discuss the issue."
2."If your relationship started under potentially offensive pretenses. For example, they were madly in love with you but they were just your rebound."
3."Journals. My partner writes in one every night before bed and I have no idea what any of it says. If she wants to share with me, she can. Those are her private thoughts and feelings until she decides differently. The same goes for me."
4."My dad has mentioned a few times that in their 40+ years of marriage, he’s never gone in her top dresser drawer or purse."
6."It's not that it should be kept private, as in forcefully, but I believe both people in a relationship should have privacy in their devices. My significant other has all my logins and passcodes for my phone and tablet, but this doesn't give her the right to go snooping for stuff that will never be there. She can totally grab my phone, if it's nearest, to search on Google, or grab someone's phone number. But we've agreed that if either of us snoop, you'd better be sure that there's going to be something to find, because if there isn't, then you deserve the trouble that you've caused."
7."Things you aren't ready to talk about yet. I have a lot of trauma and I'm not always ready to talk or explain. However, I'm lucky that my partner respects that and has let me open up at my own pace."
8."Doubts about their capabilities if they have none themselves. My boyfriend is a go-getter, who is super-enthusiastic and optimistic. I'm more analytical and cautious, but he doesn't need me to inject an element of doubt into things. Yes, I'll do anything to protect him, and I've been there for him when he has fallen in the past. But no, I won't tell him if I doubt he'll succeed at something he is attempting. I'll back him all the way, right or wrong."
9."Sometimes, no matter how attractive your partner is to you and no matter how much you love them, there is an aspect to them that is unchangeable but that you find gross, annoying, or just generally less than attractive. Things like clogged nose pores, a laugh that sounds like a muppet, big toenails that just look a little bit weird, or that single long hair growing from inside their ear that just keeps coming back no matter what they do."
10."Which of your friends or family don’t like them. It will do nothing but upset them, and worse, create a bigger problem between them. I would also like to add that if one of your friends or family members doesn’t like your significant other and you aren’t at the very least making them be polite and respectful when they have to be around each other, you are the main problem in that scenario."
11."Sharing your body count numbers. Nothing good ever comes out of that. We obviously both fucked people before we met, I don’t need or want to know how many."
12."Your psychologist or therapy sessions. I had an ex that used to demand that I tell him what I talked about in my therapy sessions and it was super uncomfortable. With my current partner, we are both in therapy and if it's a phone session, the other goes to a different room. If we want to talk about something we told the psychiatrist or about something we will tell our psychiatrist at the next appointment we do, but I would never ask, and nor would he. We might ask 'How did it go?' To which the other may say, 'It was good" or 'It was emotionally draining,' but that's as far as it should go. These are personal sessions, not couples therapy, as we're not in that."
13."Their mail and packages. It doesn't matter if it's junk mail or that Amazon shipment of soap. If it's addressed to her, you don't open it unless she explicitly says so. It's not that the package itself matters as much as the fact that you are showing that you respect her privacy."
14."The unkind shit you think when you're angry and tired. It will absolutely never help at all to say any of it out loud and even if you don't have a particularly big fight or break up over it, you'll still regret it and they'll still remember."
15."The sexual preferences and proficiencies of exes. My wife is fantastic at many things. Much worse than certain exes at others. She's never going to know what."
16."Anything that your partner insists is private for them and not you. My ex used to go through my phone whenever she thought she needed to. I was shot down any time I asked to see hers. She had gone through my bank account many times to see what I did with my money. Can I look at yours? No? Oh, okay. If you are ever in a 'Do as I say, not as I do' relationship, get out now. It will not get better."
17."When I find a spider in the house. She is very arachnophobic and will be paranoid the rest of the day. If it's somewhere she'll never see it I leave it be or otherwise, I will take it outside. I actually really like spiders."
18."What things people have said or say behind their back. It could crush them and you should not hurt them like that."
19.After you live with a person for a while, you get a feel for what gives them anxiety. So if a problem comes up that happens to give your significant other anxiety and you quietly solve it, keep to yourself, even if you want that credit. It's not worth generating anxiety in your partner for something that's effectively over."
20."My personal business with my friends. I had a former friend who told her man everything going on in her friends' lives. I even told her to stop and she said that I shouldn't tell her things, because she will tell her man. She also would always include him in everything with me and her and didn't understand that my friendship was with her, and not him. It was like this unhealthy codependency. Everything went from 'I' to 'We.'"
21."My girl loves to talk about astrology, but I’m never gonna tell her it bores the shit out of me. She likes it, I’ll let her go on and on, about it. Hit em with the 'Oh really?' 'Huh, I didn’t know that,' etc."
22."Everyone has a weak spot that hurts if touched. After you've lived for a while with someone, you tend to learn those weak spots. It hurts 1,000 times more if someone that you love and trust hits you there. Even during the most heated arguments, those low blows should be avoided at all costs. Slipping just once can destroy the trust beyond repair.
24."This one is a personal one, but I had four pet rats. The very first was my little Poca and we had a very special bond. I loved all my babies, but Poca was my heart. Poca passed away in January of 2020, and I was absolutely heartbroken. My partner painted a picture of her and had it framed and then gave it to me to remember her by. It was the most beautiful gesture, except that he painted the wrong rat. The picture he used as a reference was actually of my other little one, Chewbacca. I will never tell him this because it was the best gift I've ever received and it meant the world to me, whether it was actually of my Poca or not."
25.And finally, "I've been with my girlfriend for 12 years. We still have never gone to the bathroom in front of each other, and never will."
