When we're talking about dating, we tend to use the phrase "red flag" as an indicator that someone may make an unhealthy partner. But as the phrase "red flag" is used more and more frequently, it can sometimes become a disqualifier for any potential partner with a trait we just don't like.
Reddit user u/UnforgivenPonyo recently asked, "What do people consider a red flag that isn’t one?" Here are a few examples that I want to know if you agree with:
1."Not having a big social media presence. Some people just like living in the real world, it's not a bad thing."
2."Someone looking for a relationship. I’m not talking about uncomfortable desperation but just a person who is actively interested in finding a partner and open about that when dating. That should be a huge green flag but nine times out of ten, it’s perceived as desperate or willing to settle. They’re not the same thing."
3."When someone says that they don’t drink alcohol. Everyone assumes a past drinking problem. It's crazy how we as a society say that is a red flag!"
4."Having friends of the opposite sex. It's insane to me just how many people genuinely believe that this is impossible because clearly, sex must always be part of the equation (assuming you're straight)."
5."Going to see a therapist/psychologist when needed."
6."Not responding immediately/not wanting to text all day long. Some people have jobs where they can’t (or shouldn’t) be on their phones, or have different schedules. Or just don’t want to be on their phone all the time. I feel like this is a discussion to have early on, especially if it’s setting a boundary about phone use and response time."
8."Not wanting to go out all the time. Some people think you’re trying to hide from someone. Sometimes, I don’t like the world, it’s annoying. I'd rather stay home and cook."
9."Being 'clingy.' Now ACTUALLY being clingy and overstepping boundaries IS a red flag. But these days, a lot of things that are perceived as clingy are just people showing genuine interest as opposed to trying to 'play it cool.' Just my opinion, though."
11."Still living at home with parents as an adult. There can be many reasons, like some people are carers for a relative, which I think is very admirable. It doesn't automatically mean they are some socially stunted loser playing video games in the basement."
15."Suggesting separate checks on a first date or in the early stages of dating. Personally, I don't see it as a big deal because it's understandable to not want to spend money on someone you barely know and I feel like it's just easier, with fewer expectations for each person. I'll let them do it if they REALLY want to but I'm not going to expect someone else to pay for me when they barely know me."
16."A former friend said it was weird when I asked dates if they wanted kids on our first date. I was in my 30s and didn’t want to waste my time."
17."Body count. The shit that people judge or get jealous of early in relationships — for example, your partner’s quantity of previous sexual relationships — is so, so, so laughably trivial just a few years into a serious relationship/marriage."