We can all agree that Caribbean cuisine is amazing, and I'm not just saying that because I'm Jamaican. It's just the truth.
Then you enter a tropical paradise. Food, drinks, bright colours, and on a good day, the staff is playing feel-good music, which is bound to put anyone in a cheerful mood.
But like everything in life, you've got to take the good with the bad, and Caribbean food spots are no exception.
However, one thing's for sure: A visit to one could leave you with a story to tell. Here’s why:
1. Asking for more plantain can be a risky game.
The way the Caribbean food shop lady looks at you when you ask for extra plantain
You never know what might happen if you ask for extras at a Caribbean shop, especially plantain. Although it’s easy to prepare and not expensive to buy, these sweet and crispy little golden-brown bites are precious treasures. So if your server is being generous, consider yourself lucky.
2. If you’ve ordered an oxtail meal, chances are the meat-to-rice ratio is off.
3. Ordering food online is a battle you'll most likely lose.
4. Oh, and if your order is wrong and you want to make a complaint, don’t.
Yard shops cannot see my money ever again. I ordered an Ackee & Saltfish dumpling but they sent a curry chicken one instead. I asked if I can be refunded and they said no because the curry chicken one is nicer????
You wanted a specific meal, but they gave you something else that they thought tasted better — what's the problem? Your mind, body, and soul wanted jerk chicken, but you will enjoy this brown stew instead.
5. Restocks don't exist, so go early, or don't go at all.
6. It might be on the menu, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's in the kitchen.
Everytime you want a nice jamaican food Caribbean shop: "We nuh have dat" https://t.co/lONgCInooF
I know we've all been there. Your stomach’s grumbling, and you can literally picture the food. You see it there on the 'menu of the day,' but the cashier takes one swift look in the kitchen, turns to you, and says, "We don't have that," and all your dreams are destroyed.
7. If you ask how long your delivery will take, you might get told to come and collect it instead.
8. I know you're waiting to order your food, but the cashier's conversation is more important.
9. And just because you ordered first doesn't mean your food will be prepared first.
Only in Caribbean food shops can you order first and get served last
There is no method to the madness; just go in, let the cashier know what you're having, and get comfortable, because you might be there for a while. Just because you're the first one in and all you want is two fried dumplings doesn't mean you'll be the first one out. The staff aren't in a rush; you are.
10. Whatever the opening times are, add two hours to that.
11. Customer service is not the selling point, but the food makes up for it.
In Caribbean shops the food is free.. you’re paying for their attitude
As long as you know you're in there for good food and not smiles and small talk, you'll be fine. Just make sure you know what you want before you step foot in the establishment because it's easy to feel like you're wasting everyone's time. And by easy, I mean they'll tell you — but hey, honesty is the best policy!
12. There's always that one uncle who's basically a part of the furniture.
13. And finally: Caribbean food shop, aka basement rave.
Imagine yeah. Me and my bredrin went to get Caribbean food from a very small takeaway shop in Birmingham last night and they have a secret night club upstairs 😂😂 yooo we never got our food, but we had a good time tho 😩😂😂
One thing Caribbeans know how to do is have a good time, and we do it well! So it only makes sense that any space available should be dedicated to listening to music and partying. Just consider your local place as vibes central, because you never know what they get up to after-hours!
Although I'm venting, I'd be questioning any Caribbean restaurant that didn't have these qualities, big time.
If I go to a Caribbean food shop and the lady at the front don’t have attitude then I don’t want it ❌🧢
I've come to realise these shops aren't for the weak, but the delicious food is the motivation anyone needs to handle it!
Tell us if you can relate!
Additional thumbnail credits: ITV, Getty Images