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26 Things Only First Time Novelists Will Understand

"So what's your book about?"

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1. "A drinks party full of strangers? Hey, I'll mention my book!"

2. Then the most dreaded question...

No matter how well-honed your answer, there's still that beat of fear at the inevitable "So what's your book about?"
eyeforlies.com

No matter how well-honed your answer, there's still that beat of fear at the inevitable "So what's your book about?"

3. The second most dreaded question...

"So, how many words in are you now?"Yippee, it's Dissertation month all over again!
michellesinclair.wordpress.com

"So, how many words in are you now?"

Yippee, it's Dissertation month all over again!

4. When your mum tries to explain to everyone what your book's about...

giphy.com

"So I told the Spanish exchange student at work about your novel full of references to British politics..."

5. ...But it's nice really, because at least she cares.

Love you, mum.
movpins.com

Love you, mum.

6. So much research...

7. ...and so many things you wish you'd never found out.

What William Hague had for lunch during the Coalition talks. The theme of George Osborne's birthday cake. That there's an official album of music from the Royal Wedding. Help me, make it stop...
prnewswire.com

What William Hague had for lunch during the Coalition talks.

The theme of George Osborne's birthday cake.

That there's an official album of music from the Royal Wedding.

Help me, make it stop...

8. "So, what made you want to write about that...?"

9. Comfort-eating like a new divorcee...

"A party? What, no, I'm just writing a novel this weekend..."
telegraph.co.uk

"A party? What, no, I'm just writing a novel this weekend..."

10. The fictional bits people will think are real.

gurl.com

No, that's never happened to me. No, that's not a real place.

11. Some reality is actually too shocking or unbelievable go into your book...

"You couldn't make it up..."
OMG Comics / Via @OMGComics

"You couldn't make it up..."

12. And of course, the ultimate, ultimate question...

giphy.com

"So, how much of your book is based on real life?"

13. Wildly conflicting feedback.

pixgood.com

Is my character "Too much of a shit" or "Quite decent-sounding"? HELP??!!

14. When people think they'll appear in your books...

15. ...But never the ones who ever will.

Tip: If you're worried someone will write about you, you're probably not interesting enough to write about...
fanpop.com

Tip: If you're worried someone will write about you, you're probably not interesting enough to write about...

16. Single is the best way to be.

Hey lover, wanna see me run up an overdraft that looks like a sex line number?

Hey lover, wanna see me run up an overdraft that looks like a sex line number?

17. The thought of trying to sell your book makes you feel like this...

...and you're convinced you've read every literary agent blog/attended every Q&A on querying ever
dailyrecord.co.uk

...and you're convinced you've read every literary agent blog/attended every Q&A on querying ever

18. The importance of a good writing playlist.

19. Worrying everyone will read it and hate you.

hunterlogan / Via flickr.com

20. Worrying no-one except your cat will read it.

21. Discovering halfway through there's a public figure you hadn't heard of JUST like your main character.

(Oops...)

(Oops...)

22. The weight of expectation can be overwhelming...

users.ugent.be

"OMG, my College alumni newsletter wants me to write a piece about MY UNFINISHED BOOK."

23. Fantasy casting for the screenplay.

"I can totally see her being played by Shirley Henderson..."
telegraph.co.uk

"I can totally see her being played by Shirley Henderson..."

24. Writing ANYTHING to do with the book except the actual book.

The query letter. The quote at the front. The dedication. And of course, the synopsis...

25. Thinking your book may drive you to a breakdown...

26. ...but giving up now would be even worse.

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