1. Your friends need to stop throwing things to you because you are never going to catch anything. Unless it's with your face.
2. You're VERY familiar with the term "mystery bruises".
3. And the mystery bruise's cousin: mystery cuts.
4. That feeling of terror when you haven't sat down on public transport yet.
5. When you're just trying to take a sip and you poke yourself in the face with a straw.
6. And when you've had a long night of drinking and you just want a snack.
I SAID SNACK, NOT SMACK. C'MON DOORS, BE COOL.
7. Seriously revolving doors are THE WORST.
8. But you've also walked into maybe 10,000 regular doors face-first too.
9. Every phone. :(
10. Also you need to stop using your phone in bed...
11. Someone asking you to hold a baby makes you sweat uncontrollably.
12. Your downstairs neighbour is sick of you dropping shit all the time.
13. Furniture is not your friend.
14. Neither are coordinated photo ops.
15. You hope the table is thirsty because you know half your drink will end up on it anyway.
16. And all your shirts are a rich tapestry of lunch stains.
17. You have to take extra time walking on wet, icy or uneven surfaces.
18. Especially when you're in a new pair of shoes.
19. Seriously if you're not constantly looking where you're going, you'll faceplant.
20. Walking down the stairs is your kryptonite.
21. But you also trip UP the stairs just as much.
22. You're constantly injured and all your friends are FIIIIIINE.
