Build Your Wand And We’ll Reveal Your Garbage Patronus
Your shit Patronus is a pile of cups. They're all used, and some of them smell really bad. They aren't going to help you very much.
Your Patronus is ham. It looks delicious but it's also not real so you can't eat it. Sad!
Your cat Patronus won't stop screaming. Its scream sounds exactly like a human, and when it screams it makes direct eye contact with you. It's awful and you hate it.
Every time you conjure your Patronus, it turns out to be one of those clowns that was terrorising people in the woods! Fun!
It's a really great drawing of a businessman cyclops, he's very busy, he's wearing a nice red tie, and a child drew him for you! Sadly, it's not much use when you need magical protection.
Oh no, Agnes from work SUCKS!!! "You need help AGAIN?" she'd probably sneer. Sorry to disturb you from your fifth game of spider solitaire, Agnes, you ancient bitch, we're only trying to defeat Voldemort here!!!
Your balloon animal giraffe literally can't do anything. It's not even filled with helium, so it just slowly floats to the ground. Sorry!
Your Patronus is a pile of old shoes and they smell like a foot graveyard.
His name is Horsey Dibbles and he is grotesque to look at.