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We Need To Talk About How Terrible The Dates Have Been On "The Bachelor" Australia

I'd rather be single.

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Dates this year have leapt from absurd to obscene, as if the producers are never sure if they're making an episode of The Bachelor or Fear Factor.

Network Ten

Remember when Megan and Richie were suspended over a cliff on a plexiglass balcony? Why did this happen? How long were they up there? What if they needed to pee? Did they pee off the plexiglass balcony?


Girls love clothes! Girls love pink! Fantastic! Cool bananas!

Network Ten

Most of this date was just Alex getting changed and tucking stuff into her underpants. This date also featured a reoccurring motif: Richie sitting around, spectating.

Soon after Alex's fashion adventures, Richie took a handful of lucky women out to mini golf, forcing them to carry around robot babies.

Network Ten

"You never know what will happen in the future," Richie said to the women, as if to warn them that at any point he could spray down the mansion with his fertile seed.

Imagine trying this with a Tinder date. "Great that we matched, I bought you this doll that soils itself and if you successfully care for our robot child, I'll buy you another round of drinks."

First an acoustic guitarist and now babies?? What an absolute nightmare of dates. No thanks #TheBachelorAu

Because a woman's job is caring for a baby.... next group date... an oven cleaning race #TheBachelorAU


Who is on the brains trust behind #TheBachelorAU's baby date? Can't wait to see them present the same to the male contestants next season@🙄

Or what about when they were forced to actually wrestle each other for alone time with Richie?

Network Ten

"Yeah, cheers girls, fantastic hustle, you guys looked amazing in kangaroo outfits, cheers, yeah, amazing, awesome stuff," Richie probably said, watching from the sideline.

Based on what we've seen so far, here's a rough idea of the dates to come:

- Iron all of Richie's shirts

- Learn about osteoporosis from an animated porpoise

- A Civil War reenactment (of the Marvel movie)

- Stand very still under beehives

- See who can survive a night on Hoth in the hollowed-out carcass of a Tauntaun

- Listen to Richie say, "Yeah, cheers, fantastic" on loop for an hour

- Cash in a Groupon for bulk colonic irrigation

- Nicholas Cage film festival

- Acrostic poem competition

- Crab racing

- Abraham Lincoln impersonation class

- Bikram Yoga