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    Posted on 16 Aug 2016

    We Need To Talk About How Terrible The Dates Have Been On "The Bachelor" Australia

    I'd rather be single.

    Pash Bandit Richie seems to be having a really good time on his season of The Bachelor, right?

    Network Ten

    But you know who ISN'T having a good time?

    Network Ten

    Well, yes, mainly Keira... but also: EVERYONE WATCHING THE DATES.

    Dates this year have leapt from absurd to obscene, as if the producers are never sure if they're making an episode of The Bachelor or Fear Factor.

    Network Ten

    Remember when Megan and Richie were suspended over a cliff on a plexiglass balcony? Why did this happen? How long were they up there? What if they needed to pee? Did they pee off the plexiglass balcony?

    What about Alex's solo date in Episode 5? Richie took her shopping because...

    Network Ten

    Ha ha ha!!!

    Girls love clothes! Girls love pink! Fantastic! Cool bananas!

    Network Ten

    Most of this date was just Alex getting changed and tucking stuff into her underpants. This date also featured a reoccurring motif: Richie sitting around, spectating.

    Soon after Alex's fashion adventures, Richie took a handful of lucky women out to mini golf, forcing them to carry around robot babies.

    Network Ten

    "You never know what will happen in the future," Richie said to the women, as if to warn them that at any point he could spray down the mansion with his fertile seed.

    Imagine trying this with a Tinder date. "Great that we matched, I bought you this doll that soils itself and if you successfully care for our robot child, I'll buy you another round of drinks."

    First an acoustic guitarist and now babies?? What an absolute nightmare of dates. No thanks #TheBachelorAu

    Because a woman's job is caring for a baby.... next group date... an oven cleaning race #TheBachelorAU

    Who is on the brains trust behind #TheBachelorAU's baby date? Can't wait to see them present the same to the male contestants next season@🙄

    Group dates this year have thematically had a ruthless vibe to them, like the time the girls had to try to annihilate each other in roller derby.

    Network Ten

    Or what about when they were forced to actually wrestle each other for alone time with Richie?

    Network Ten

    "Yeah, cheers girls, fantastic hustle, you guys looked amazing in kangaroo outfits, cheers, yeah, amazing, awesome stuff," Richie probably said, watching from the sideline.

    RIP Megan, who didn't make it through the wrestling finals to spend some time sitting in complete silence with Richie while they both contemplate the ocean.

    Network Ten

    Based on what we've seen so far, here's a rough idea of the dates to come:

    - Iron all of Richie's shirts

    - Learn about osteoporosis from an animated porpoise

    - A Civil War reenactment (of the Marvel movie)

    - Stand very still under beehives

    - See who can survive a night on Hoth in the hollowed-out carcass of a Tauntaun

    - Listen to Richie say, "Yeah, cheers, fantastic" on loop for an hour

    - Cash in a Groupon for bulk colonic irrigation

    - Nicholas Cage film festival

    - Acrostic poem competition

    - Crab racing

    - Abraham Lincoln impersonation class

    - Bikram Yoga

    At the end of the day, there's only one person in the house with enough backbone to call out the ridiculous dates the women are being put through.

    Network Ten

    What a queen.

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