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Here's Everything You Missed On "My Kitchen Rules" This Week

I was so young when this show started. I am now 900 years old.

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2. "It's kind of like a deconstructed sushi," they said about this stupid fucking sounding entrée.

Channel 7

Deconstructed sushi is literally a small pile of rice next to a piece of fish. Do not do this.

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4. The girls decided that, to make a Japanese mayonnaise, they needed to use MSG as a key ingredient.

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"I don't really, like... know... anything about it? But it's fine," Dr Demi assured us.

5. Guest Judge Darren visited the girls in the kitchen and asked about their ~controversial~ ingredient.

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Like... MSG isn't a thickening agent. It's a flavour enhancer??? So???

????

I just????

7. The judges later revealed the secret ingredient of MSG and the looks of shock from the other contestants were so OTT it was like they just found out they lost the Oscar for Best Picture.

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9. Next up to cook were Lebanese cousins Lama and Sarah.

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I'm sorry, I'm obsessed with how each team is classified. I keep trying to think of what mine would be. "From NSW: Drunk Gay Mat." Yeah that's probably right.

12. Caitie revealed a skill of hers is telling incredibly shit jokes, which I related to on a spiritual level.

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Her actual joke was:

Q: What do a wombat and an emu have in common?

A: They both live underground, except for the emu.

Then she went to make a "ba-dum ching" noise but she made more of a "poo-pah peeeeee" noise??? I kinda love Caitie because she and Demi are basically just on the show to have a good time. Meanwhile the business women were in the corner making a batch of poison apples to distribute to the group.

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13. Colin joined the ladies in the kitchen and forced them to hug to diffuse some of the tension.

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They were seriously at each other's throats, and it was awkward as hell, but great fun to watch.

14. While "bellydancing", one of the footy friends smacked his head into a lantern which answered the question: What does it take to get Mell and Cyn to laugh?

16. TWO AND A HALF HOURS after serving their mains, the ladies delivered an underwhelming dessert.

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After their disastrous night, the ladies were unsurprisingly at the bottom of the leaderboard with a final score of 39.

17. The third team of the week to cook were heterosexual married couple Brett and Marie.

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I thought Brett and Marie were cute until one of them said "that's our food dream" without any irony and then I was like NOPE.

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19. Brett and Marie'd called their restaurant "Just In Time" for which I don't remember the reason (it was boring), but I can only assume it was an homage to the Justin Timberlake film In Time.

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Just In Time?? Justin Time??? Justin In Time!!!!!!! And Amanda Seyfried's wig.

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23. The final team to cook for the week was mother-daughter duo: Thirsty Val and Courtney.

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It's no secret Val is my fave of this group, because she's thirsty and she keeps chillies in her handbag in case food is too bland. A. QUEEN.

24. Caitie and Demi came to dinner dressed as cultural appropriation.

Channel 7

"I've been dying to wear this headpiece. It's very on-trend," Caitie said, obviously never being on Tumblr.

25. As Val and Courtney began preparing their dishes, they kept discussing how much spice they were using. Yes, these two... were definitely.... The Spice Girls.

28. THEN, in the weirdest moment of the whole show, Mell or Cyn went on an insane rant about the show, and people scoring strategically.

Channel 7

"And I know you think I'm a bitch," Mell or Cyn said, "but I'm just telling it like it is". NO ONE WAS SAYING ANYTHING! NO ONE ELSE WAS SPEAKING!! Then she shouted "WE'RE NOT FRIENDS HERE", jumping to her testimonial and pointing at Cyn or Mell, "SHE'S MY FRIEND!!!!!!!" she screamed.

Next week we'll see the end of group three with the business women cooking up a business storm, plus the kitchen HQ showdown between the two lowest-scoring teams.

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