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14 Reasons Why Australia Doesn't Need Marriage Equality

Can I get an amen?

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1. Australia's Prime Minister, Tony Abbott, said his "views haven't changed" on Marriage Equality and that's great. Really.

.@TonyAbbottMHR on marriage equality: That's a matter for the United States... My views haven't changed

As the world moves forward on this truly historic day, we stand with both feet planted firmly in the past! Doesn't that feel great! Just great.

2. How is Obama supposed to find his way home now that the White House is different colours?

The @WhiteHouse Lit Up With Pride Colors After Marriage Equality Decision

We don't want to be "redefining marriage" OR what buildings are called! That's too confusing! Is this the Colourful House now? The Rainbow Palace? What do we call things?! Everything's changing!

3. Magneto is a bad guy in the movies! We're not falling into your trap, Magneto, no matter how cute your hat is

Maybe if one of the Avengers tweeted something supportive we'd consider it.

Uhh nvm...

4. Look how unhappy everyone is!

First gay couple to be married in Dallas Texas, George Harris 82 and Jack Evans 85. Together for 54 years #LoveWins

5. I definitely didn't tear up watching this beautiful couple tie the knot!

First gay couple married in #Nashville #SCOTUS By @sbarchenger @JordanBuie via @tennessean

Emotions are for the weak! And the Greens! Australian couples don't need that!

6. We don't want this!

First El Paso gay couple gets married shortly after historic Supreme Court ruling -

These deliriously happy men threaten our understanding of what Marriage is! Is it two consenting adults finally and legally recognised by law as married? We don't know!

7. Because Jim Obergefell's fight for officials to recognise his marriage should be routine in Australia!

here’s a closed-captioning transcript of that phone call from POTUS broadcast on CNN earlier

I did not cry reading this. I am cutting up onions for the PM's dinner. So many onions.

8. Awful!

We hate smiling!
Jim Bourg / Reuters / Via

We hate smiling!

9. This man is blocking the sun!

We use that sun in Australia! Reckless gay and lesbian couples will cover up the sun with flags and wigs and wedding invitations! We will not stand for it!
Mark Wilson / Getty Images / Via

We use that sun in Australia! Reckless gay and lesbian couples will cover up the sun with flags and wigs and wedding invitations! We will not stand for it!

10. Stop trying to fool us, happy couples! We are not America!!!

Aust Christian Lobby slams US decision // Democracy must always be Australia's path. We are not America.

To clarify: We are not America.

America was the name of the actress who played Ugly Betty! And that's not us.

11. We just wants to protect Australia's children, who will be worse off if loving couples are able to have marriages officially recognised here.

A slap in the face for @LyleShelton & the ACL whose last remaining argument is that marriage equality is bad for kids

Ignore all that!! What about the children! THE CHILDREN! AREN'T YOU WORRIED ABOUT THEM?

12. The President of American Academy of Paediatrics probably just doesn't understand.

In a statement released, AAP president Sandra G. Hassink said: "Every child needs stable, nurturing relationships to thrive, and marriage is one way to support and recognise those relationships,"

You can go on to read more of Hassink's statement here, where she refers to legalising same-sex unions as "in the best interest of their children" - but why not just listen to Lyle Shelton instead! A journalist by profession! That's way better than some 'President' of some 'Pediatrics Academy' whatever that means!

13. Geniuses are moving here if we make sure we promise not to legalise equality!

They replaced the Confederate flag with a rainbow one I'm moving to Australia

Just another reason I'm moving to Australia, no gay marriage.

Thats it. Its legal to be a queer now. Im moving to Australia.

Just, you know, don't tell them about the whole gun control thing we have here...

14. To conclude:

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