14 Magical Rounds Of Harry Potter "F@#K, Marry, Kill"

    Perhaps one of the most heated debates since the Goblin Rebellions Of 1612.

    Matt Ortile
    by Matt Ortile

    BuzzFeed Staff

    Matt Ortile / Courtesy of Warner Bros.

    1. Dumbledore's Army FMK: Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, or Neville Longbottom?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Have a fling with Luna! While she LOVESGOOD, we all know who we really want to marry...

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Neville! Because HNNGGLAKDJFG and you can pass on those anti-puberty genes to your kids.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Ginny. WHAT A MARY-SUE.*

      *You know, an unrealistically perfect little bitch. NEXT!

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    2. Triwizard FMK: Viktor Krum, Fleur Delacour, or Cedric Diggory?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Krum. Not quite marriage material, but it'll be a fun ride on his broomstick haaaay.

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Huge toss-up but marry Fleur. Her devotion to Bill even after he gets mauled by a werewolf is what lasting marriages are made of.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill the spare. Sorry, but he'll come back as a glittery vampire anyway, so we're good.

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    3. Weasleys FMK: Bill, Fred, or George?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Fred — before he dies. :'(

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry George. Even though he'll never get over Fred's death, you'll still have a fun hubby around.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Bill. If only for that movie pun. (Also he's boring, sry.)

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    4. Marauders FMK: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, or Peter Pettigrew?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Someone will say, "Are you fucking serious?" and you'll go, "HAHAHA YES I AM, WHAT OF IT?"

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Lupin. Every month is a HONEY-MOON hehehe.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      lol are we really discussing this

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    5. Professors FMK: Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, or Minerva McGonagall?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Albus. After all, he's got the most powerful wand in the world*~*~

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Just marry McG because if you tried to marry Snape (yes, bravest man ever known), he'd just never get over Lily. :/

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Snape. It's better that way; he'll get to hang out with Lily!

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    6. Ghost FMK: Nearly Headless Nick, Moaning Myrtle, or Helena Ravenclaw?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Hit and quit the Grey Lady. Yeah she's moody, but what a BABE.

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Can't give you head since he barely has his own, but he'll keep you hilarious company for all eternity.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Whiney, nosy, and loud, you gotta kill Myrtle. Well, not that you can. (She's dead, you see.)

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    7. Defense Against the Dark Arts FMK: Quirrell, Lockhart, or Umbridge?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Quirrell! He's pretty cute, and with back-o'-yo-head Voldie in the mix, it's a two for one!*

      *Other jokes were something about lots of head and a silvery substance to drink but like, no.

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Lockhart, the idiotic pretty boy trophy husband. Think of all the book royalties!

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Umbridge because you're a Muggle and she wants to kill you anyway.

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    8. Order of the Phoenix FMK: Kingsley, Tonks, or Mad-Eye Moody?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Kingsley because every part of his bod is sure to be kingly, m i rite?

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Tonks! Keep your fingers crossed that her Metamorphmagus genes will carry over to your kids!

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Mad-Eye — or should I say, BARTY CROUCH JR.?!

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    9. Death Eaters FMK: Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, or Bellatrix Lestrange?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Bellatrix! Crazy in life? Crazy IN BED.

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Cissy. Anyone who defies the Dark Lord out of love for her son is marriage and mommy material.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Then kill Lucius so Narcissa and you can get the Manor and the money!

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    10. Voldemort FMK: Tom Riddle, You-Know-Who, or the weird fetus thing at King's Cross?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Tom Riddle. Unf, sociopathic HUNK.

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      TRICKS. May as well just marry Tom Riddle, right?

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      TRICKS AGAIN. Once you've had your fun and the beautiful wedding to a handsome groom, quietly dispose of him and nip the Dark Lord in the bud.

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    11. Slytherin Trio FMK: Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, or Blaise Zabini?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Blaise and get that delicious face on your face and he won't say anything (not that he ever does).

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Get hitched to Draco because beautiful, blond, and brooding is back in again.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Pansy because lol who even is she again?

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    12. Gryffindor Boys FMK: Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, or Oliver Wood?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Oliver for the obvious "Wood" and "Biggerstaff" and "broom" puns we can sit here and make but won't.

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Seamus because no matter what, SPARKS WILL FLY AYOOO.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      That leaves poor Dean to kill. Sorry. You still cute, tho.

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    13. Love Interests FMK: Cho Chang, Lavender Brown, or Cormac McLaggen?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Cormac FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

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    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Also marry Cormac! Cormac's golden locks and sculpted everything are the light and the way.

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    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Cho. Or yeah, Lav. W/e it doesn't matter. CORMAC ALL THE WAY.

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    14. And of course, the Golden Trio: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, or Hermione Granger?

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    No right or wrong answers, ESPECIALLY FOR THIS LAST ONE. Reply with your answers in the comments!

    And for more hypothetical sex, weddings, and murder, check out 10 Sexually Frustrating Rounds Of Celebrity "Fuck, Marry, Kill."