14 Magical Rounds Of Harry Potter “F@#K, Marry, Kill”

Perhaps one of the most heated debates since the Goblin Rebellions Of 1612.

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ID: 1580413

1. Dumbledore’s Army FMK: Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, or Neville Longbottom?

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ID: 1574652

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Ginny Weasley
   2. 
      Luna Lovegood
   3. 
      Neville Longbottom
   Have a fling with Luna! While she LOVESGOOD, we all know who we really want to marry…

ID: 1578381

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Ginny Weasley
   2. 
      Luna Lovegood
   3. 
      Neville Longbottom
   Marry Neville! Because HNNGGLAKDJFG and you can pass on those anti-puberty genes to your kids.

ID: 1578391

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Ginny Weasley
   2. 
      Luna Lovegood
   3. 
      Neville Longbottom
   Kill Ginny. WHAT A MARY-SUE.*

   *You know, an unrealistically perfect little bitch. NEXT!

ID: 1578418

2. Triwizard FMK: Viktor Krum, Fleur Delacour, or Cedric Diggory?

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ID: 1574624

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Viktor Krum
   2. 
      Fleur Delacour
   3. 
      Cedric Diggory
   Fuck Krum. Not quite marriage material, but it’ll be a fun ride on his broomstick haaaay.

ID: 1578921

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Viktor Krum
   2. 
      Fleur Delacour
   3. 
      Cedric Diggory
   Huge toss-up but marry Fleur. Her devotion to Bill even after he gets mauled by a werewolf is what lasting marriages are made of.

ID: 1578936

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Viktor Krum
   2. 
      Fleur Delacour
   3. 
      Cedric Diggory
   Kill the spare. Sorry, but he’ll come back as a glittery vampire anyway, so we’re good.

ID: 1578946

3. Weasleys FMK: Bill, Fred, or George?

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ID: 1574323

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Bill Weasley
   2. 
      Fred Weasley
   3. 
      George Weasley
   Fuck Fred — before he dies. :’(

ID: 1579008

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Bill Weasley
   2. 
      Fred Weasley
   3. 
      George Weasley
   Marry George. Even though he’ll never get over Fred’s death, you’ll still have a fun hubby around.

ID: 1579019

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Bill Weasley
   2. 
      Fred Weasley
   3. 
      George Weasley
   Kill Bill. If only for that movie pun. (Also he’s boring, sry.)

ID: 1579030

4. Marauders FMK: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, or Peter Pettigrew?

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ID: 1574219

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Remus Lupin
   2. 
      Sirius Black
   3. 
      Peter Pettigrew
   Someone will say, “Are you fucking serious?” and you’ll go, “HAHAHA YES I AM, WHAT OF IT?”

ID: 1579080

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Remus Lupin
   2. 
      Sirius Black
   3. 
      Peter Pettigrew
   Marry Lupin. Every month is a HONEY-MOON hehehe.

ID: 1579092

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Remus Lupin
   2. 
      Sirius Black
   3. 
      Peter Pettigrew
   lol are we really discussing this

ID: 1579099

5. Professors FMK: Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, or Minerva McGonagall?

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ID: 1574008

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Severus Snape
   2. 
      Albus Dumbledore
   3. 
      Minerva McGonagall
   Fuck Albus. After all, he’s got the most powerful wand in the world*~*~

ID: 1579138

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Severus Snape
   2. 
      Albus Dumbledore
   3. 
      Minerva McGonagall
   Just marry McG because if you tried to marry Snape (yes, bravest man ever known), he’d just never get over Lily. :/

ID: 1579162

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Severus Snape
   2. 
      Albus Dumbledore
   3. 
      Minverva McGonagall
   Kill Snape. It’s better that way; he’ll get to hang out with Lily!

ID: 1579175

6. Ghost FMK: Nearly Headless Nick, Moaning Myrtle, or Helena Ravenclaw?

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ID: 1574478

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Nearly Headless Nick
   2. 
      Moaning Myrtle
   3. 
      Helena Ravenclaw
   Hit and quit the Grey Lady. Yeah she’s moody, but what a BABE.

ID: 1579210

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Nearly Headless Nick
   2. 
      Moaning Myrtle
   3. 
      Helena Ravenclaw
   Can’t give you head since he barely has his own, but he’ll keep you hilarious company for all eternity.

ID: 1579216

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Nearly Headless Nick
   2. 
      Moaning Myrtle
   3. 
      Helena Ravenclaw
   Whiney, nosy, and loud, you gotta kill Myrtle. Well, not that you can. (She’s dead, you see.)

ID: 1579230

7. Defense Against the Dark Arts FMK: Quirrell, Lockhart, or Umbridge?

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ID: 1577589

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Quirinus Quirrell
   2. 
      Gilderoy Lockhart
   3. 
      Dolores Umbridge
   Fuck Quirrell! He’s pretty cute, and with back-o’-yo-head Voldie in the mix, it’s a two for one!*

   *Other jokes were something about lots of head and a silvery substance to drink but like, no.

ID: 1579356

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Quirinus Quirrell
   2. 
      Gilderoy Lockhart
   3. 
      Dolores Umbridge
   Marry Lockhart, the idiotic pretty boy trophy husband. Think of all the book royalties!

ID: 1579371

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Quirinus Quirrell
   2. 
      Gilderoy Lockhart
   3. 
      Dolores Umbridge
   Kill Umbridge because you’re a Muggle and she wants to kill you anyway.

ID: 1579381

8. Order of the Phoenix FMK: Kingsley, Tonks, or Mad-Eye Moody?

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ID: 1574594

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Kingsley Shacklebolt
   2. 
      Nymphadora Tonks
   3. 
      Mad-Eye Moody
   Fuck Kingsley because every part of his bod is sure to be kingly, m i rite?

ID: 1579486

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Kingsley Shacklebolt
   2. 
      Nymphadora Tonks
   3. 
      Mad-Eye Moody
   Marry Tonks! Keep your fingers crossed that her Metamorphmagus genes will carry over to your kids!

ID: 1579514

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Kingsley Shacklebolt
   2. 
      Nymphadora Tonks
   3. 
      Mad-Eye Moody
   Kill Mad-Eye — or should I say, BARTY CROUCH JR.?!

ID: 1579528

9. Death Eaters FMK: Lucius Malfoy, Narcissa Malfoy, or Bellatrix Lestrange?

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ID: 1575098

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Lucius Malfoy
   2. 
      Narcissa Malfoy
   3. 
      Bellatrix Lestrange
   Fuck Bellatrix! Crazy in life? Crazy IN BED.

ID: 1579560

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Lucius Malfoy
   2. 
      Narcissa Malfoy
   3. 
      Bellatrix Lestrange
   Marry Cissy. Anyone who defies the Dark Lord out of love for her son is marriage and mommy material.

ID: 1579577

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Lucius Malfoy
   2. 
      Narcissa Malfoy
   3. 
      Bellatrix Black
   Then kill Lucius so Narcissa and you can get the Manor and the money!

ID: 1579597

10. Voldemort FMK: Tom Riddle, You-Know-Who, or the weird fetus thing at King’s Cross?

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ID: 1577644

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Tom Riddle
   2. 
      You-Know-Who
   3. 
      Weird fetus form
   Fuck Tom Riddle. Unf, sociopathic HUNK.

ID: 1579616

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Tom Riddle
   2. 
      You-Know-Who
   3. 
      Weird fetus form
   TRICKS. May as well just marry Tom Riddle, right?

ID: 1579625

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Tom Riddle
   2. 
      You-Know-Who
   3. 
      Weird fetus form
   TRICKS AGAIN. Once you’ve had your fun and the beautiful wedding to a handsome groom, quietly dispose of him and nip the Dark Lord in the bud.

ID: 1579636

11. Slytherin Trio FMK: Draco Malfoy, Pansy Parkinson, or Blaise Zabini?

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ID: 1574911

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Draco Malfoy
   2. 
      Pansy Parkinson
   3. 
      Blaise Zabini
   Fuck Blaise and get that delicious face on your face and he won’t say anything (not that he ever does).

ID: 1579668

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Draco Malfoy
   2. 
      Pansy Parkinson
   3. 
      Blaise Zabini
   Get hitched to Draco because beautiful, blond, and brooding is back in again.

ID: 1579689

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Draco Malfoy
   2. 
      Pansy Parkinson
   3. 
      Blaise Zabini
   Kill Pansy because lol who even is she again?

ID: 1579747

12. Gryffindor Boys FMK: Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, or Oliver Wood?

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ID: 1574866

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Seamus Finnigan
   2. 
      Dean Thomas
   3. 
      Oliver Wood
   Fuck Oliver for the obvious “Wood” and “Biggerstaff” and “broom” puns we can sit here and make but won’t.

ID: 1579814

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Seamus Finnigan
   2. 
      Dean Thomas
   3. 
      Oliver Wood
   Marry Seamus because no matter what, SPARKS WILL FLY AYOOO.

ID: 1579820

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Seamus Finnigan
   2. 
      Dean Thomas
   3. 
      Oliver Wood
   That leaves poor Dean to kill. Sorry. You still cute, tho.

ID: 1579825

13. Love Interests FMK: Cho Chang, Lavender Brown, or Cormac McLaggen?

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ID: 1577854

1. Fuck?
   1. 
      Cho Chang
   2. 
      Lavender Brown
   3. 
      Cormac McLaggen
   Fuck Cormac FOR OBVIOUS REASONS.

ID: 1579902

1. Marry?
   1. 
      Cho Chang
   2. 
      Lavender Brown
   3. 
      Cormac McLaggen
   Also marry Cormac! Cormac’s golden locks and sculpted everything are the light and the way.

ID: 1580281

1. Kill?
   1. 
      Cho Chang
   2. 
      Lavender Brown
   3. 
      Cormac McLaggen
   Kill Cho. Or yeah, Lav. W/e it doesn’t matter. CORMAC ALL THE WAY.

ID: 1580290

14. And of course, the Golden Trio: Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, or Hermione Granger?

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ID: 1575073

No right or wrong answers, ESPECIALLY FOR THIS LAST ONE. Reply with your answers in the comments!

ID: 1580295

And for more hypothetical sex, weddings, and murder, check out 10 Sexually Frustrating Rounds Of Celebrity “Fuck, Marry, Kill.”

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