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    Posted on Aug 31, 2013

    14 Magical Rounds Of Harry Potter "F@#K, Marry, Kill"

    Perhaps one of the most heated debates since the Goblin Rebellions Of 1612.

    Matt Ortile / Courtesy of Warner Bros.

    1. Dumbledore's Army FMK: Ginny Weasley, Luna Lovegood, or Neville Longbottom?

    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Have a fling with Luna! While she LOVESGOOD, we all know who we really want to marry...

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Neville! Because HNNGGLAKDJFG and you can pass on those anti-puberty genes to your kids.

    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Ginny. WHAT A MARY-SUE.*

      *You know, an unrealistically perfect little bitch. NEXT!

    2. Triwizard FMK: Viktor Krum, Fleur Delacour, or Cedric Diggory?

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    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Krum. Not quite marriage material, but it'll be a fun ride on his broomstick haaaay.

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Huge toss-up but marry Fleur. Her devotion to Bill even after he gets mauled by a werewolf is what lasting marriages are made of.

    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill the spare. Sorry, but he'll come back as a glittery vampire anyway, so we're good.

    3. Weasleys FMK: Bill, Fred, or George?

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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Fred — before he dies. :'(

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry George. Even though he'll never get over Fred's death, you'll still have a fun hubby around.

    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Bill. If only for that movie pun. (Also he's boring, sry.)

    4. Marauders FMK: Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, or Peter Pettigrew?

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    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Someone will say, "Are you fucking serious?" and you'll go, "HAHAHA YES I AM, WHAT OF IT?"

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Lupin. Every month is a HONEY-MOON hehehe.

    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      lol are we really discussing this

    5. Professors FMK: Severus Snape, Albus Dumbledore, or Minerva McGonagall?

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    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Albus. After all, he's got the most powerful wand in the world*~*~

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Just marry McG because if you tried to marry Snape (yes, bravest man ever known), he'd just never get over Lily. :/

    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Snape. It's better that way; he'll get to hang out with Lily!

    6. Ghost FMK: Nearly Headless Nick, Moaning Myrtle, or Helena Ravenclaw?

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    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Hit and quit the Grey Lady. Yeah she's moody, but what a BABE.

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Can't give you head since he barely has his own, but he'll keep you hilarious company for all eternity.

    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Whiney, nosy, and loud, you gotta kill Myrtle. Well, not that you can. (She's dead, you see.)

    7. Defense Against the Dark Arts FMK: Quirrell, Lockhart, or Umbridge?

    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
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    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Quirrell! He's pretty cute, and with back-o'-yo-head Voldie in the mix, it's a two for one!*

      *Other jokes were something about lots of head and a silvery substance to drink but like, no.

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Lockhart, the idiotic pretty boy trophy husband. Think of all the book royalties!

    1. Kill?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Kill Umbridge because you're a Muggle and she wants to kill you anyway.

    8. Order of the Phoenix FMK: Kingsley, Tonks, or Mad-Eye Moody?

    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    Courtesy of Warner Bros.
    1. Fuck?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Fuck Kingsley because every part of his bod is sure to be kingly, m i rite?

    1. Marry?

      Correct! 
      Wrong! 

      Marry Tonks! Keep your fingers crossed that her Metamorphmagus genes will carry over to your kids!

    1. Kill?