14 Magical Rounds Of Harry Potter "F@#K, Marry, Kill"

Have a fling with Luna! While she LOVESGOOD, we all know who we really want to marry...

Marry Neville! Because HNNGGLAKDJFG and you can pass on those anti-puberty genes to your kids.

Kill Ginny. WHAT A MARY-SUE.*

Fuck Krum. Not quite marriage material, but it'll be a fun ride on his broomstick haaaay.

Huge toss-up but marry Fleur. Her devotion to Bill even after he gets mauled by a werewolf is what lasting marriages are made of.

Kill the spare. Sorry, but he'll come back as a glittery vampire anyway, so we're good.

Fuck Fred — before he dies. :'(

Marry George. Even though he'll never get over Fred's death, you'll still have a fun hubby around.

Kill Bill. If only for that movie pun. (Also he's boring, sry.)

Someone will say, "Are you fucking serious?" and you'll go, "HAHAHA YES I AM, WHAT OF IT?"

Marry Lupin. Every month is a HONEY-MOON hehehe.

lol are we really discussing this

Fuck Albus. After all, he's got the most powerful wand in the world*~*~

Just marry McG because if you tried to marry Snape (yes, bravest man ever known), he'd just never get over Lily. :/

Kill Snape. It's better that way; he'll get to hang out with Lily!

Hit and quit the Grey Lady. Yeah she's moody, but what a BABE.

Can't give you head since he barely has his own, but he'll keep you hilarious company for all eternity.

Whiney, nosy, and loud, you gotta kill Myrtle. Well, not that you can. (She's dead, you see.)

Fuck Quirrell! He's pretty cute, and with back-o'-yo-head Voldie in the mix, it's a two for one!*

Marry Lockhart, the idiotic pretty boy trophy husband. Think of all the book royalties!

Kill Umbridge because you're a Muggle and she wants to kill you anyway.

Fuck Kingsley because every part of his bod is sure to be kingly, m i rite?

Marry Tonks! Keep your fingers crossed that her Metamorphmagus genes will carry over to your kids!

Kill Mad-Eye — or should I say, BARTY CROUCH JR.?!

Fuck Bellatrix! Crazy in life? Crazy IN BED.

Marry Cissy. Anyone who defies the Dark Lord out of love for her son is marriage and mommy material.

Then kill Lucius so Narcissa and you can get the Manor and the money!

Fuck Tom Riddle. Unf, sociopathic HUNK.

TRICKS. May as well just marry Tom Riddle, right?

TRICKS AGAIN. Once you've had your fun and the beautiful wedding to a handsome groom, quietly dispose of him and nip the Dark Lord in the bud.

Fuck Blaise and get that delicious face on your face and he won't say anything (not that he ever does).

Get hitched to Draco because beautiful, blond, and brooding is back in again.

Kill Pansy because lol who even is she again?

Fuck Oliver for the obvious "Wood" and "Biggerstaff" and "broom" puns we can sit here and make but won't.