Tony Award-winner and perennial Broadway favorite Laura Benanti hung out with us at the BuzzFeed office after we extolled the virtues of her hilarious Twitter account. She's so used to being witty and concise online that we asked her to describe her career milestones in 30 seconds or less, leading up to her most recent project, joining the third season of Nashville. Here's what went down.
Into The Woods (2002)
"My mom took care of me the whole time. She was such a trooper. The first time they showed her my wound in the back, she was like, 'AAAHHHooooh, it's totally fine!' I still feel weird things with my neck sometimes. I just can't whip my head around. The hair flips have to be really careful."
"Chita Rivera would put her leg up on Antonio Banderas' shoulder every night. Without fail, all of the girls backstage — we'd all pray at that moment. Even if we weren't religious. I'm not at all, and I was like, 'Hail Mary, full of grace…' Just because she's like 80 years old! But she never fell, she never faltered. She was amazing."
The Wedding Singer (2006)
"I love those writers and the cast was really cool, but I think I was just miscast! I think I had a good audition and they were like, 'This should work!' But then it was like fitting a square peg into a round hole."
"Don't know how I'm spelling this either. The first two weeks he was so mean to me. And then he called me and was like, 'Patti [Lupone] talked to me and explained that I don't need to break you down — I need to build you up.' I was like, 'I ain't got no ego! I need you to tell me I'm great!' It was then that we loved each other. He completely changed the way I act. He was hard on me, but I'm glad."
In The Next Room, or The Vibrator Play (2009)
"She said, 'What'd they put up your skirt?' And I was like, 'It's… it's a wand.' And she said, 'Well, what does it do?' She missed the entire point of the show. I told her, 'Uhh… it alleviates women's hysteria.' She just didn't understand it.
What's really funny is that my dad gave her one of those vibrating massage chairs because her back was hurting. And then she called and left a message at his office and it literally just said, 'Sal. It's your mother. The vibrator you gave me isn't working. Call me back.' And my dad is a psychotherapist."
Women On The Verge Of A Nervous Breakdown (2010)
"I was so goddamn skinny! They were like, 'You have to play a model,' and the last thing I wanted on Earth was for people to go, 'I didn't believe her as a model,' you know what I mean? I was really sad when it closed, but I was immediately like, 'I will have four pizzas please thank you so much.' And then right after that I went into Playboy Club and it's like, 'UGH.'"
The Playboy Club (2011)
"The freakin' outfits would give you the most intense camel-toe of your life! They literally had to put crotch pads in, just so not every girl was lippin' it. And you couldn't sit because you had a goddamn bunny tail on. All you could do was bend over a chair."
Law & Order: SVU (2011–2012)
"A woman came up to me months ago on the subway and just went, 'You can't take people's kids!' And I was like, 'Um, excuse me, ma'am?' And she said, 'YOU CAN'T TAKE. PEOPLE'S. KIDS.' I said, 'I think you might have me confused…'
Then she was like, 'AMARO. AMARO'S KID.' And I had to be like, 'Ma'am. I am not actually Maria Grazie. My name is Laura Benanti and I'm an actress.' But she just kept yelling how I can't take people's kids, so I had to change subway cars."
Go On (2012)
"Is it one 'L' or two? Where's my auto-correct when I need it?"
Sound of Music Live! (2013)
"I was like in a leotard, a weird strappy thing that would have been a process to take off. I really had to poop. But I didn't."
"I said to her when we were working together, 'A lot of the stuff I say on Twitter are jokes, but I really do love you. You really are my favorite actress.' She said, 'Thank you so much.' I asked her, 'Are you a little bit afraid of me?' And she's like, 'No!' Yeah, no, she's definitely terrified."