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36 Tweets That Prove Laura Benanti Is A Comic Genius

More like, "LOLa Benanti."

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1.

I managed to spill chocolate all over my hotel sheets. I'm gonna leave the cleaning people a note that simply says "NOT POOP."

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

I managed to spill chocolate all over my hotel sheets. I'm gonna leave the cleaning people a note that simply says "NOT POOP."

3:23 PM - 26 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

2.

In 4 days I will be 35. Can't wait to start playing a 25 year olds mom!

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

In 4 days I will be 35. Can't wait to start playing a 25 year olds mom!

11:47 AM - 11 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

3.

There is no finer actor than me pretending it's adorable that your dog won't stop sniffing my crotch.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

There is no finer actor than me pretending it's adorable that your dog won't stop sniffing my crotch.

11:39 AM - 01 Aug 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

4.

There should be an "actor" emoji that's just a sweaty upper lip and wild eyes.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

There should be an "actor" emoji that's just a sweaty upper lip and wild eyes.

11:48 AM - 29 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

5.

Gross man at airport: "What's a pretty woman like you doing sitting on the floor?" Me: "Waiting for these damn hemorrhoids to clear up!"

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Gross man at airport: "What's a pretty woman like you doing sitting on the floor?"

Me: "Waiting for these damn hemorrhoids to clear up!"

2:47 PM - 30 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

6.

A woman just sneezed so loudly and violently that I reflexively yelled "ABSOLUTELY NOT" instead of "Bless you."

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

A woman just sneezed so loudly and violently that I reflexively yelled "ABSOLUTELY NOT" instead of "Bless you."

10:36 PM - 22 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

7.

8.

"Have you ever heard of Laura Benanti? She used to be an actress, then she went on vacation and began eating cheese for a living."

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

"Have you ever heard of Laura Benanti? She used to be an actress, then she went on vacation and began eating cheese for a living."

10:18 PM - 05 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

9.

Purses are just fanny packs for people who don't need to be hands free. #freedom

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Purses are just fanny packs for people who don't need to be hands free. #freedom

6:18 PM - 22 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

10.

I love movies where people throw their cell phones away dramatically and we never see the scene where they're like "F*CK, why did I do that"

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

I love movies where people throw their cell phones away dramatically and we never see the scene where they're like "F*CK, why did I do that"

6:26 PM - 03 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

11.

Please imagine how pissed the World Cup crowd would be if at half time @AndrewRannells and I came out and sang "If I Loved You."

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Please imagine how pissed the World Cup crowd would be if at half time @AndrewRannells and I came out and sang "If I Loved You."

4:59 PM - 01 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

12.

"F*ck, marry, kill" is the sickest game that also happens to be the order in which those things usually occur.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

"F*ck, marry, kill" is the sickest game that also happens to be the order in which those things usually occur.

10:40 AM - 17 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

13.

"I'm gonna miss you" is a real thing I just whispered to the last bite of my breakfast sandwich.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

"I'm gonna miss you" is a real thing I just whispered to the last bite of my breakfast sandwich.

11:45 AM - 01 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

14.

"You're almost 35? No children? Well...I hope you aren't too sad" ~my cab driver who isn't getting a tip

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

"You're almost 35? No children? Well...I hope you aren't too sad" ~my cab driver who isn't getting a tip

10:12 PM - 27 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

15.

If you ever doubt that the Universe has a sense of humor please know that a bird just pooped perfectly in between my boobs.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

If you ever doubt that the Universe has a sense of humor please know that a bird just pooped perfectly in between my boobs.

3:28 PM - 13 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

16.

When are we going to see the "girlfriend jean" trend?! Just a bunch of dudes walking around in faded skinny jeans.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

When are we going to see the "girlfriend jean" trend?! Just a bunch of dudes walking around in faded skinny jeans.

12:53 PM - 18 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

17.

What's that scent you ask? Why it's the perfume of New York City! Sweaty Scrotum and Cantaloupe Rinds™

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

What's that scent you ask? Why it's the perfume of New York City! Sweaty Scrotum and Cantaloupe Rindsâ„¢

6:11 PM - 08 Jul 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

18.

When I'm in Los Angeles I like to eat bread AT people.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

When I'm in Los Angeles I like to eat bread AT people.

1:42 PM - 20 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

19.

"You're almost 35? No children? Well...I hope you aren't too sad" ~my cab driver who isn't getting a tip

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

"You're almost 35? No children? Well...I hope you aren't too sad" ~my cab driver who isn't getting a tip

10:12 PM - 27 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

20.

What if, after cops told you to put your hands up, they just tickled the shit out of you?

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

What if, after cops told you to put your hands up, they just tickled the shit out of you?

2:37 PM - 02 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

21.

Kale salad should be renamed "Don't smile because that shit is in between every single tooth. Also, hope you like pooping" salad.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Kale salad should be renamed "Don't smile because that shit is in between every single tooth. Also, hope you like pooping" salad.

7:58 PM - 19 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

22.

Hey dudes who snort your snot like pigs PLEASE STOP I'M GOING TO THROW UP ON YOU!

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Hey dudes who snort your snot like pigs PLEASE STOP I'M GOING TO THROW UP ON YOU!

1:01 PM - 21 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

23.

Models/actresses why do you bite your fingers in photos? What does it mean?? Are you coy? Are you hungry? WHAT'S HAPPENING??

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Models/actresses why do you bite your fingers in photos? What does it mean?? Are you coy? Are you hungry? WHAT'S HAPPENING??

8:11 PM - 03 Jun 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

24.

Nothing says "I'm ready to party" like walking around CVS carrying an enema two pack.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Nothing says "I'm ready to party" like walking around CVS carrying an enema two pack.

5:43 PM - 12 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

25.

WHY HASN'T ANYONE INVENTED SPANX FOR THIGHS AND CALLED THEM "THANX"?!?!

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

WHY HASN'T ANYONE INVENTED SPANX FOR THIGHS AND CALLED THEM "THANX"?!?!

3:04 PM - 13 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

26.

A sound machine for insomniacs that is simply a recording of an acquaintance walking you through their recent home renovation.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

A sound machine for insomniacs that is simply a recording of an acquaintance walking you through their recent home renovation.

11:04 PM - 05 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

27.

Hey lady at the airport drinking red wine at 7:20am, you ok gurl?

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Hey lady at the airport drinking red wine at 7:20am, you ok gurl?

10:19 AM - 08 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

28.

Thanks for reminding me that I'm all alone, buttons on the back of my dress!!

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Thanks for reminding me that I'm all alone, buttons on the back of my dress!!

4:16 PM - 05 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

29.

Oral B is my favorite toothbrush that also happened to be my nickname in high school.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Oral B is my favorite toothbrush that also happened to be my nickname in high school.

1:38 AM - 02 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

30.

I don't care if it's the ugliest thing in the world, if I fit into an extra small I'm buying it.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

I don't care if it's the ugliest thing in the world, if I fit into an extra small I'm buying it.

12:38 PM - 02 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

31.

If you stare at your phone long enough it turns into someone who loves you, right?

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

If you stare at your phone long enough it turns into someone who loves you, right?

2:15 PM - 29 Apr 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

32.

All lady magazine covers should simply have one headline: "YOU SHOULD FIX YOURSELF! Also, how to have sex."

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

All lady magazine covers should simply have one headline: "YOU SHOULD FIX YOURSELF! Also, how to have sex."

6:00 PM - 04 May 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

33.

Imagine describing a bachelor party to an alien.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Imagine describing a bachelor party to an alien.

11:20 AM - 23 Apr 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

34.

Wish I could handle ANYTHING as well as the 3 year old I just watched narrowly escape being hit by a car only to roll his eyes in disgust.

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Wish I could handle ANYTHING as well as the 3 year old I just watched narrowly escape being hit by a car only to roll his eyes in disgust.

5:22 PM - 24 Apr 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

35.

Eventually the American flag will just be a group selfie of 23 year old girls doing duck lips

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Eventually the American flag will just be a group selfie of 23 year old girls doing duck lips

2:48 PM - 19 Apr 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

36.

Literally every single time a clean handsome man is checking me out its a gay man who loved me in Gypsy (Take 2)

Laura Benanti@LauraBenanti

Literally every single time a clean handsome man is checking me out its a gay man who loved me in Gypsy

(Take 2)

10:58 PM - 18 Apr 14ReplyRetweetFavorite

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