J.Lo's 9 Rom-Com Boy Toys Ranked From Worst To Best

How will Josh Duhamel's boyfriend in Shotgun Wedding fare in a ranking of J.Lo's hotties?

Kathy Hoang, BuzzFeed / Everett Collection: Columbia, New Line, Columbia, Barry Wetcher (STX Entertainment), Columbia, Barry Wetcher (Universal)

Oh to be Jennifer Lopez in a romantic comedy! Not only does she look good, wear beautiful clothes, and always end up falling in love, but she's wooed by an extremely hot pantheon of Hollywood stars. This week, she has checked a new name off her date card, cozying up with Josh Duhamel in the my-wedding-was-invaded-by-pirates rom-com, Shotgun Wedding. While the best part of the film is obviously J.Co (that's Jennifer Coolidge), Lopez and Duhamel do have chemistry as they are beset upon by murderous marauders.

In honor of Shotgun Wedding, I decided to delve back into J.Lo's impressive catalog of rom-coms (there are nine!) and, more specifically, at the men she has fallen in love with onscreen. For your reading pleasure: a ranking of her rom-com lovers!

A few quick ground rules: 

1. I am only ranking rom-coms so her high school student lover-turned-murderer, her midlife crisis dance partners, and anacondas will unfortunately not be on the list. Gigli, for as cringey and unfunny as it is, is technically a rom-com and so it's in play.

2. I am only ranking the lead love interest so sorry to Massimo, Bastian, and the lesbian lover in Gigli. 

3. I am only ranking the character. Not the actor, the performance, or the film. It doesn't matter how bad the acting or film is. If the love interest is a good guy, then he's high on the list. 

So cue up the wedding bells (or get Judy Greer to do that for you), because we're going to see which character J.Lo should actually be marrying. 

9. Larry Gigli (Ben Affleck) — Gigli

Columbia/Courtesy Everett Collection

With a 6% on Rotten Tomatoes, six Razzies, and an abysmal box office record, Gigli (pronounced Jee-lee as Affleck tells us repeatedly) is objectively one of the worst films of all time. Larry Gigli's ranking as the worst of J.Lo's cinematic boyfriends, however, stands separate from that. He's sexist, he's dumb, and he kidnaps a mentally disabled man (Brian, played by Justin Bartha). He has no books in his apartment and so he reads Brian the writing on his toilet paper packaging to help him fall asleep. J.Lo's Ricki has to spend the entire film teaching him things. The difference between "sure" vs. "yes," how to "gobble gobble" a woman, what part of the male anatomy is like a sea slug, and the importance of not murdering someone just because you're in the mob. The fact that Ricki turns from lesbianism to Gigli is even less believable than Ben Platt playing a high schooler, and no amount of driving into the sunset is going to convince me otherwise. Gigli's only positive trait is that he somehow manages to cut the thumb off a corpse with a plastic takeout knife that is, in fact, magical. If there's one good thing this movie gave us — and yes, there's only one — it's Bennifer. 

8. Steve Edison (Matthew McConaughey) — The Wedding Planner

Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

Don't let your nostalgia and the cute little glasses fool you. Steve Edison is not a good guy. If you are getting married and have anything other than a completely professional, non-flirty relationship with your wedding planner, then you are not a good guy. While engaged, Steve (hiding behind a cute pediatrician schtick), flirts with J.Lo's Mary in the hospital, then attends an outdoor movie with her (which he claims isn't a date but definitely is), then dances with her, and only doesn't kiss her because it starts raining. And SURE, you could say he was never meant to be with Fran anyway, but then WHY DOES HE LIE TO HER and tell her that he saved an old lady? A lot of red flags here, and as a badass professional who folds her shirts with a folding board (Marie Kondo could never), Mary deserves better. I'm showing up to the wedding and objecting to this union. 

7. Trey (Milo Ventimiglia) — Second Act

Barry Wetcher/STX Entertainment/Courtesy Everett Collection

Now that we've gotten the two horrible love interests out of the way, let's move on to the nice guys. Ventimiglia plays Trey, Maya's Queens-native lover boy. He's sweet, he climbs in the shower to have sex with her, and he loved her even when she was "just a grocery store worker." Trey loses points for several reasons though. First, although this is what I would argue is Lopez's best comedy, the plot is much more focused on her work relationships and so Trey gets relatively little airtime compared to those ranked above him. Second, it is insinuated that he immediately starts sleeping around while he and Maya are broken up, which I don't love. Yes, they break up because Maya refuses to open up to him about giving a child up for adoption and they do reconcile in the end, but I wish he would have gone through a period of lovesick, celibate mourning. 

6. Alex Castillo (Rodrigo Santoro) — What to Expect When You're Expecting

Melissa Moseley/Lionsgate/Courtesy Everett Collection

As with Trey, ranking Alex Castillo is a little tricky because his plot is just a small part of the ensemble film about pregnancy, and he and his wife Holly (Lopez) start the film married rather than falling in love. Holly wants to adopt, Alex is nervous, she sends him to a dad's group, he gets cold feet, and then they eventually reconcile. Alex clearly loves his wife dearly and the pair end up with a stronger connection (and a child) by the film's end, but some spats along the way and poor communication regarding a VERY IMPORTANT topic makes me think that Alex could have been a wee bit more attentive and thoughtful earlier in their relationship. 

5. Kevin Fields (Michael Vartan) — Monster-in-Law

New Line/Courtesy Everett Collection

On paper, Kevin really has everything going for him. He's a hot, shirtless beach jogger. He's a kind, smart, and wealthy doctor. He brings coffee to Charlie (Lopez) while she's a dog walker. And best of all, he can be mistaken for a gay man, which honestly is the highest compliment a straight man can receive IMHO. BUT his fatal flaw is that he's a smidge too close to his mother, a possessive alcoholic celebrity played by Jane Fonda. So close, he lets her move into him and Charlie's house and doesn't seem to pick up on the vitriol bubbling forth from his mother directed at his new fiancé. Really, his only flaw is his love for his mother, which on a scale of one to kidnapping someone from a mental healthcare facility is pretty low.

4. Charlie Gilbert (Owen Wilson) — Marry Me

Barry Wetcher/Universal Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

In Lopez's musical rom-com, she stars opposite Owen Wilson, who plays a fuddy-duddy divorced math teacher named Charlie. Of the entries on this list, he is far and away the least exciting. He texts with a flip phone, goes to bed at 8 p.m., and is mostly concerned about his daughter not freezing at the next mathlete competition. He is, in a word, boring. But he is also the kindest, gentlest man who has ever graced a rom-com. Watching him is sort of like watching a baby deer drink from a slow-moving brook. He is (wildly, ridiculously) thrust into stardom when he (against everything we know to be true of this character) agrees to marry pop superstar Kat Valdez (Lopez) at one of her concerts and spends the remainder of the movie mumbling his way into her loving him. He is a wonderful man and seemingly just what she needs, but I knocked him down a few slots for being milquetoast. But you know what's not milquetoast? This song that J.Lo sings in the film, which the Academy snubbed for Best Original Song last year. 

3. Tom Fowler (Josh Duhamel) — Shotgun Wedding

Ana Caballosa/Amazon Prime Video/Courtesy Everett Collection

In Lopez's most recent (and third wedding-related) rom-com, she is marrying a man whose worst qualities include being a Pinterest-obsessed groomzilla, and only being pretty good at baseball. Tom (Duhamel) has somehow found himself engaged to the ridiculously gorgeous Darcy, who also happens to be ridiculously rich, and just wants to make her happy. He does have a bit of an inferiority complex, due to 1) Darcy being superhuman and 2) her still remaining close to her ex-boyfriend Sean (a shirtless Lenny Kravitz), but I think that's understandable. While they have a squabble under the stress of being nearly murdered by mercenaries, I also find that to be understandable. Lastly, while some might posit that having Jennifer Coolidge as a mother would be a strike against Tom, I actually think it's a huge plus. I mean, wouldn't you want to just hang out with J. Co? 

2. Stan (Alex O' Loughlin) — The Back-up Plan

Peter Iovino / CBS Films/Courtesy Everett Collection

I will just come out and say it. If, on the second date, you tell a man that you are pregnant with twins and he stays with you, he is either a) VERY grounded, secure, and attracted to you OR b) trying to work out some mommy issues without the help of a licensed therapist. The fact that Stan isn't scared off by Zoe's (Lopez) artificially inseminated pregnancy is a testament to him being a pretty wonderful man. He's attentive, flirty, and even goes to watch a live water birth with her (something I would avoid at all costs as an easy fainter like Zoe). He buys her a stroller and loves her enough to jump into parenting mode immediately. My only qualm is that he does have sex in a barn, which just seems ill-advised to me. 

1. Chris Marshall (Ralph Fiennes) — Maid in Manhattan

Columbia Pictures/Courtesy Everett Collection

Winner winner chicken dinner (or perhaps a "lunch a deux"). The top ranking suitor for Ms. Lopez's cinematic heart is Beresford Hotel guest / senatorial candidate Chris Marshall. Despite being a little too interested in Richard Nixon (and a Republican...), Chris is an unimpeachable love interest. Marisa (Lopez) works as a hotel maid when one day her charming, politically conscious son bumps into a would-be senator and starts asking him questions. When Chris returns him to Marisa, he mistakes her for a wealthy guest at the hotel. Even when he later realizes that the other woman (Natasha Richardson having the time of her life in utter ridiculousness), he is unshaken from his goal of being with Marisa. That is how strong his love is. He's interested in improving the housing projects. He is unphased that Marisa is a maid. He seems very interested in being a stepdad. Plus, he has MONEY, which we love to see. He's not part of a gang. He doesn't cheat on her with his wedding planner. He doesn't hold her from her dreams or question her desire to have children. He isn't too close to his mom. He isn't boring. He isn't a groomzilla. And he is not interested in barn sex. This is the obvious number one choice and whoever disagrees does not get to try on my new Dolce & Gabbana coat. 

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