1. Prince is the ultimate enigma.
2. Is he ♂? Is he ♀?
Trick question. He is...
3. Prince transcends space and time, an ageless nucleus of atomic grace.
4. He is the first solo artist to have a number one single, album, and movie—all at the same time.
5. He changed his name to an unpronounceable symbol and made the industry revolve around it.
6. He's just a super sexy M.F.
7. And betcha by golly wow, he knows it.
8. Like, he really knows it.
9. Like, he really, really knows it.
10. He's so sexy his music is your parents' worst nightmare.
Imagine, all because Prince "met her in a hotel lobby / masturbating with a magazine / and Nikki started 2 grind"...
11. He's an eternal force field of fearlessness.
12. Unless he's confronted with himself. Because the only known fear to Prince is Prince.
13. Prince is a never-ending virtual paradox, a constant digital riddle.
14. He's only concerned with life's most existential queries.
15. He is an animal that strikes curious poses.
16. And they* feel the heat, the heat between me and you and Prince.
17. He was sweet talking N text speak b4 humanity was texting.
18. Prince crafted a pop song so damn catchy it didn't even need a bass line.
That's like, unheard of.
19. Make that two pop songs so damn catchy.
Again, no bass line required to physically propel you to the dance floor every single time. WHAT IS THIS WIZARDRY?!
20. Prince is the circle of life and therefore also the royal baby.
21. For all we know, he could also be any of these purple Pokémon.
22. Or can we not see he's just a groovy ass ghost?
23. Whatever he is, Prince was put on this Earth to play guitar.
24. Like the time he shredded this solo, threw his guitar up... AND IT SIMPLY VANISHES INTO THIN AIR!
True story: When you Google "best guitar solo ever"...
26. Even when you don't know he's there, he sounds amazing.
27. He doesn't simply walk...
He piggyback rides his way to a stage.
28. Needless to say, Prince is definitely NOT Michael Jackson's understudy.
29. He made "TIME" magazine's list of best Twitter accounts in 2013 and he's not even on Twitter.
30. He didn't give us the "Batman" soundtrack we need, but the one we deserve.
31. On the rare occasions when he loses, he still wins.
32. He wrote the best make-out song of all time ever.
Look, we can argue about this all night... while we're making out!
33. And the best break-up song of all time ever.
34. Prince instills everlasting hope in men who are only 4 feet tall.
35. He gave birth to Carmen Electra.
He also gave birth to Sheila E., Vanity 6, Apollonia 6, and Susanna Hoffs. Newsflash: Babes LUV Prince.