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100 Or So Actual Phone Names

Can I interest you in purchasing a Samsung Smiley :)? Or perhaps a Galaxy S II Skyrocket HD? Yes, those are real names of real phones.

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There a lot of phones out there. SO MANY PHONES. But just how many phones? And who's making all those phones? And maybe more importantly, who's naming all those phones?

These are all phones that have been listed on phone manufacturers’ or carriers’ sites in the last month, or have been recently announced and will exist soon. Can you figure out what any of them are, without looking?

Apple iPhone 3GS

Apple iPhone 4

Apple iPhone 4S

BlackBerry Bold 9900/9930

BlackBerry Curve 3G

BlackBerry Curve 9350/9360/9370

BlackBerry Pearl 3G

BlackBerry Porche Design P'9981

BlackBerry Torch 9800/9810

HTC Desire

HTC Desire HD

HTC Droid Incredible 2

HTC Evo 3D

HTC Evo Design 4G

HTC Hero

HTC Inspire 4G

HTC Merge

HTC One S

HTC One V

HTC One X

HTC Ozone

HTC Rezound

HTC Rhyme

HTC Sensation

HTC Status

HTC T-Mobile G2 Touch

HTC T-Mobile myTouch 4G

HTC T-Mobile myTouch 4G Slide

HTC Tattoo

HTC Touch Cruise

HTC Wildfire

LG Banter

LG Banter Touch

LG Chocolate Touch

LG Cosmos

LG Cosmos Touch

LG Muzq

LG myTouch Q

LG Optimus 4X HD

LG Optimus 3D Cube

LG Optimus 3D Max

LG Optimus One

LG Optimus 2

LG Optimus Slider

LG Optimus S

LG Optimus M

LG Optimus T

LG Optimus Vu

LG dLite

LG Rumor Touch

LG Wine 2

Motorola Bali

Motorola Brute

Motorola Droid 2 Global

Motorola Droid 3

Motorola Droid 4

Motorola Droid Bionic

Motorola Droid Pro

Motorola Droid RAZR

Motorola Droid RAZR Maxx

Motorola Droid X2

Motorola Electrify

Motorola Milestone X

Motorola Photon 4G

Motorola Triumph

Motorola XPRT

Samsung :) t359

Samsung Admire

Samsung Captivate

Samsung Captivate Glide

Samsung Character

Samsung Conquer 4G

Samsung Epic 4G

Samsung Eternity II

Samsung Fascinate

Samsung Flight II

Samsung Illusion

Samsung Indulge

Samsung Intensity

Samsung Galaxy Ace 2

Samsung Galaxy Attain 4G

Samsung Galaxy Beam

Samsung Galaxy Indulge

Samsung Galaxy mini

Samsung Galaxy mini 2

Samsung Galaxy Nexus

Samsung Galaxy Note

Samsung Galaxy Precedent

Samsung Galaxy Prevail

Samsung Galaxy S

Samsung Galaxy S Advance

Samsugn Galaxy S Aviator

Samsung Galaxy S Blaze 4G

Samsung Galaxy S Beam

Samsung Galaxy S II

Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket

Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket HD

Samsung Galaxy S Plus

Samsung Galaxy Y Pro

Samsung Stratosphere a Galaxy S Phone

Samsung Gravity Smart

Samsung Gusto

Samsung Mezmerize

Samsung Reality

Samsung Replenish

Samsung Repp

Samsung Smiley :)

Samsung Suede

Samsung Transform Ultra

Samsung Vitality

So what's the point? Well, partly it's the increasingly ridiculous way phones are branded. There's pressure, on the one hand, to have a single identifiable brand, like the iPhone. Which is why Samsung pushes Galaxy, HTC's announced the One, and Motorola's got Droid. That's good. But from other direction is the drive to make more phones for more people, which, in concert with this tech spec arms race that's giving us 4G phones even where no 4G exists, or 3D phones that nobody wants, you wind up with monstrosities of branding like the "Samsung Galaxy S II Skyrocket HD." Say that out loud. That is a real thing. You can pay a lot of money for it.

The other point is that there are still too many damn phones. We may just run out of absurd things to call phones soon! (And what does calling a phone "Incredible" or "Fascinate" mean? Are these particularly phones in fact fascinating or incredible? Having used them, the answer is no.) Some of those companies even admit they make too many things and say they're going to try to make fewer phones. We'll see. But hopefully this time next year, we'll just have a list of 50 phones. And the names will either be very smart, or very, very dumb. Either way, we win.

Image: CC licensed, Matthijs/Flickr