20 years ago today, the heavens opened up, the clouds parted and a single, smooth, muscly stork flew down from the skies and dropped off the bundle of boy that grew into the beautiful man that is Tom Daley. Let us recount the reasons to be thankful:
1.Because every day, this face, with this tiny stubble and little tiny nose and lips, wake up and blesses the world.
2.Because sometimes (but actually like most of the time), the world is blessed with a full view of all of this glory.
3.Because every time he stretches, a little angel hunk is born in heaven with little angel abs and wearing a little angel speedo.
4.Because his face brings dead scorpions back to life* (*unconfirmed).
5.Because, when he bites his lip as such, a small part of evil in the world is wiped away and replaced with joy and love.
6.And when he smiles, somewhere in the world, a little puppy is born into the world.
7.Because even when he is fully clothed, he is adorable and precious and makes grown men cry.
8.Because he blesses the entire country of England (but also the world) with his beauty and grace.
9.Because, even when he is getting dressed, it looks like God himself is draping the linens over his beautiful rock-like skin.
10.And also because when he is not getting dressed, it is equally beautiful and god-like.
11.Because he is a fabulous burst of gay joy.
12.Because God was like, let us lavish him with other hot divers, for one is not enough.
13.Because, when he's in the water, it hugs his body out of love and joy and desperation because it doesn't want to let go.
14.The water is like, "TOM DALEY, PLEASE ENTER ME."
15.Because this tiny little uniform blesses the world basically every single day.
16.And these beautiful abs bless the mountains and the skies.
17.Because he continuously graces the world with his godly advice.
18.And these godly hands grace the air above all our heads.
19.Because this beautiful form flies into the heavens and blesses us with this graceful view.
20.Because of everything happening here.
25.Because the waters need this elegant figure.
26.Because every time he dries himself with a towel, a tiny orphan kitten finds a loving home.
27.Every time he gets a towel wet, a baby bird learns how to fly.
28.Every time he raises his arms, a blind mouse learns to see.
29.Because this suit needs a beautiful man to fill it.
30.And this little bow tie needs a beautiful face to accent.
31.And these shorts just need some thighs.
32.And this winter outfit needs a man.
33.Because every time he takes a selfie, a grown man previously certain of his heterosexuality begins to question everything he’s ever known.
34.Because we would never have this bounciness.
35.Or these faces.
36.Or this Beyoncé-ness.
37.Or this precious person.
38.Because he's Tom Daley and he's beautiful and wonderful and a blessed gift to the world and we should be thankful for him every day.
GOD BLESS AND AMEN.
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