1. To start off, the Germans have this babe-faced hunklet named Manuel Neuer.
2. They have Manuel’s smooth babe-like face and stern babe-like eyes.
4. And, of course, they have all of the German babeness that can squeeze into this tight sweaty undershirt.
6. And all of Benedikt’s flawless field work.
8. They have actual angelic cherub hunk Julian Draxler.
9. They have Julian’s perfect, long hunk hams.
13. Probably most importantly, they have actual German man sculpture Mats Hummels.
14. They have his rock-like German jaw and sword-like cheekbones and flowing black hair.
15. They have his actual angelic smile.
16. And they have all of his statuesque German babeness glowing like a plump pretzel fresh from the oven, warm and soft.
22. They also have the strapping husky bulk of a German godlike statue named Bastian Schweinsteiger.
23. And all of Bastian’s freeness.
24. And all of his angry, I’m-gonna-tear-off-my-shirt-just-because-I-can hunkness.
25. And basically all of his “standing around with the guys, but I had to take my shirt off because that’s how I’m most comfortable” realness.
26. They also have ginger babe Andre Schuerrle and his beautiful, flowing ginger hair and ginger scruff.
27. They have his smooth babe-like face.
30. Also they have actual rock-like man boulder Lukas Podolski.
31. And all of Lukas’ casually seductively licking-the-rain-with-his-muscles-out abilities.
32. They have his smoldering, fuzzy-faced stare.
33. The casual strolling about with my flat stomach just casually deflecting the atmosphere with its flatness.
35. And this beautiful selfie-taking face.
36. They have actual models even though they’re just casually strolling around at the beach Ron-Robert ZIeler and Mesut Ozil.
38. They have Philipp Lahm’s casually perfect eyebrow game.
39. And Shkodran Mustafi’s casually flawless facial hair game.
40. And Toni Kroos’s casually “I look perfect even though I’m running very fast” game.
42. They have actual babe wonder Erik Durm.
46. They have the adorable beauty and grace that is Mario Goetze.
47. They have Mario’s adorable little blond hair and his little face and all his little scruffy hairs.
BONUS: Here’s German Chancellor Angela Merkel happily posing with all of this German perfection after their World Cup victory over Portugal.
The beautifully bearded German hunk in 38 is Shkodran Mustafi, not Per Mertesacker, even though he is also flawless.
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