1.When you see the red carpet (even though it's black) and it's empty, but you can hear the ominous roar of thousands of teenage girls screaming in anticipation.
2.And when you see all those teenage girls attempt to hold back their tears while they wait.
3.When you catch the first glimpse of Harry Styles' mane flowing in the distance.
4.And then he gets closer.
5.And then he looks at you and you can feel his spirit emanating from across the carpet.
6.And then when he gets right near you and you see the full glory of his beautiful face and lips and eyes.
7.When you see them all standing there on the carpet together and they basically glow just as much as you'd imagined they would in real life.
8.And then when they all make weird poses together except for Zayn who looks precious and perfect.
9.When the camera zooms in on Louis' wee little facial hair and you imagine the tiny bristles brushing against your face.
10.When Zayn walks past you and you can see how strong his jaw actually is in real life.
11.When Liam makes this adorable little face at the camera and a small part of you literally just stops functioning because you cannot handle it.
12.When Niall makes this face and sticks his tongue out.
13.When Harry makes this little peace sign.
14.When Liam makes his little baby pouty face next to a poster of himself.
15.When Harry makes these weird faces and you can feel your stomach turn itself inside out because you just want to throw up from excitement.
16.When the cameras catch Harry adjusting himself and for one moment, your body deprives your brain of blood and you die... You just literally stop living.
17.When Liam takes a selfie with some girls.
18.When Zayn can barely contain his lust for Liam during an interview.
19.When Liam pretends to punch Harry in the face and a part of you wishes Liam would literally just straight up punch you in the face.
20.When Zayn talks to a bunch of reporters and you can see the lights brush softly against his beautifully groomed facial hair.
21.When Niall smiles in your direction and it feels like someone kicked you right in the stomach.
22.When Liam makes this face and you just want to pinch his little cheeks.
23.When Harry walks up to you with a microphone and tears start streaming down your face and you open your mouth to scream but nothing comes out.
24.When Liam and Louis look like this and you just want them to make out in front of you.
25.When Niall leans into you and you want to reach out with your face and nuzzle his hair with your nose.
26.When Niall makes this face.
27.And Louis makes this face.
28.And Harry looks sensuously at Zayn like this.
29.And Liam looks down below Harry's belt and Harry makes a face and your body starts convulsing uncontrollably.
30.When Niall does this thumbs-up in your general direction in his little white shirt and you want to just scream in his face.
31.When Harry makes this face while getting a peck on the cheek and you think to yourself, "This is it. This is the last thing I see before I die."
32.When Zayn drinks from a water bottle and you wonder what your life would be like if you were that water bottle for like one second.
33.When Harry walks past Louis and their bodies touch and your lungs just stop providing your body with oxygen.
34.And then when Louis puts a phone cover between his thighs and Harry grabs it and you're like, "NO. NO I CAN'T. PLEASE DON'T DO THIS TO ME. I'M TOO FRAIL."
35.WHEN HARRY DOES THIS AND YOUR BODY PHYSICALLY STOPS FUNCTIONING IN ITS ENTIRETY.
36.And finally when it's over and Harry tries to thank you in six seconds but he doesn't know what's going on and neither do you but it doesn't matter because you're alive and you made it and life is beautiful.