40 Questions Every Interviewer Should Actually Ask
ATTENTION INTERVIEWERS: These are the questions you ask to really get to know someone.
1. On average, how many times a week do you hurt yourself trying to dance in the shower?
2. What's the most money you've ever drunkenly spent at McDonald's?
3. On a scale of 1 to 10, how intolerable do you find baby pictures on Facebook?
4. How many bowls of cereal do you eat every single day and why aren't you eating more?
5. Who would you let punch you directly in the face?
6. How many days have you gone without showering?
7. How old were you when you realized Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny probably never actually knew one another in real life?
8. Can you fit your whole fist in your mouth?
9. What's your favorite flavor of Skittle?
10. How many sandwiches have you eaten off the floor?
11. How many bottles of wine have you finished without ever actually pouring any of the wine into a glass?
12. Who was your favorite Power Ranger?
13. What did you do the night Whitney Houston died?
14. How many donuts are you capable of eating in one sitting?
15. Who was your favorite Spice Girl?
16. How violently do you have to fight the urge to scream when you hear the ice cream truck coming?
17. Say there's like a whole box of Teddy Grahams in a room all by themselves. Say I left them there and told you not to eat any until I got back. How long would you take you to disobey my wishes?
18. How many Taylor Swift songs do you actually listen to every single day?
19. How long after you feel full do you keep eating for?
20. How many hours after getting paid does it take you to spend your entire paycheck?
21. Do you agree that Harry Potter was a huge asshole and probably the least exciting character in the entire series? Like, he spent seven years terrorizing his friends with his own problems, ya know? They had their own shit going on and here comes Harry Fucking Potter just fucking shit up left and right? They had lives, too. They all had lives, Harry. IT'S NOT ALL ABOUT YOU.
22. How many people do you fall in love with every day?
23. How many friendships have you ruined because you refused to play a game of Monopoly mercifully?
24. What do you do when a baby just stares at you in public? Like, doesn't even blink, just maintains intense, aggressive eye contact with their dumb baby face. What do you do? WHAT DO YOU DO IN THIS SITUATION?
25. What is your favorite kind of cookie?
26. How long do you wait after finishing your first plate of food before getting a second plate of food?
27. When you're at a buffet, how many trays of food do you start off with?
28. What's the weirdest place you've ever unintentionally vomited?
29. What's the weirdest place you've ever intentionally vomited?
30. If I gave you $10 bucks to go buy me chocolate milk, and it only cost $3, would you bring me all the change or would you tell me it was actually $10? Because I'll know. I'll know chocolate milk doesn't cost that much.
31. How many seconds would it take you to eat this entire block of cheese?
32. Have you ever found the image of a biblical figure on a piece of toast?
33. How long does it take you to scroll through Facebook before giving up?
34. Who do you just hate the most?
35. Do you think Zac Efron is really nice in real life or does he just walk around with his abs out telling people to go fetch him vegetables?
36. What's your favorite thing to order from the Olive Garden?
37. How many times does it take for you to listen to a song that you love before you actually hate it instead?
38. Do you ever stop and think about the number of butts in the world? Like. Woah. Am I right?
39. Have you ever started petting a really fluffy dog and just gotten very overwhelmed by how fluffy this dog is?
40. Finally, and this one is important, so please pay attention... What do you think cats dream about?