For Everyone That’s Obsessed With The Brazilian Perfection That Is Neymar

I want to keep him in my pocket and pull him out and make him dance for me.

1. For the woefully uninitiated, this beautiful little man is Neymar, and yes, he only has one name because that’s all he needs.

Buda Mendes / Getty Images

2. Neymar is only 22 years old and he’s already become South American Footballer of the Year TWICE, in 2011 and 2012, which means he’s kind of a big deal.

David Ramos / Getty Images

3. But most importantly, Neymar has the body of an actual Brazilian god and we should all take a moment to appreciate his godly, ab-filled existence.


4. In addition to being good at soccer, Neymar is especially skilled at removing the unnecessary item of clothing known as “the shirt.”

5. In fact, he seems to have developed a very strict anti-shirt policy, which is probably the best policy any person who looks like Neymar could adopt.

6. His abs and chest and belly button are always free.

Matthew Lewis / Getty Images

7. He makes a habit of wandering around the field, looking wistfully into the distance, baring his beautiful bronzed belly to the open wind.

Buda Mendes / Getty Images

8. Even when he’s wearing a shirt, he tries to let his abs breathe.

Buda Mendes / Getty Images

9. They’re never kept inside.

Buda Mendes / Getty Images

10. Even if it’s a little peek.

Laurence Griffiths / Getty Images

11. They BREATHE, as abs should. They suck in the oxygen.

Alex Caparros / Getty Images


Alex Caparros / Getty Images


Alex Caparros / Getty Images

14. Of course, even when Neymar is wearing a shirt, he is beautiful and sweaty and perfect.

David Ramos / Getty Images

15. He has great respect for his fellow player’s muscly arms and beauty.

David Ramos / Getty Images

16. And he’s generally working with a pretty adorable face.


17. But again, most importantly, he walks around baring these babies.

Scott Heavey / Getty Images

18. His skills also include taking adorable shirtless selfies.

19. Taking selfies while being naked* in bed.

*Presumed naked.

20. Wearing a bow tie and nothing else* right out on the field.

*Presumably nothing else.

21. Taking epic ab-filled selfies at sea.

22. Taking selfies with these other abs.

23. Taking selfies with this puppy who doesn’t even know how lucky he is to be touching these abs.

24. Generally baring all 70 of his stomach muscles.

25. Looking smolderingly into the camera and seducing you with his face and also nipples.

26. Generally being chill.

27. And dancing around the underwear aisle while wearing practically nothing.


28. In conclusion, Neymar and his abs are perfect and we should all pray that they never go away.

Buda Mendes / Getty Images

29. Amen.

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