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Nobody Likes Hand Jobs

Handies no more.

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For anyone who might be unfamiliar, a hand job is the act of using one’s hand to stimulate a penis…

All the way to GODDAMN COMPLETION.

Adult Swim / Via jnthnnn.tumblr.com

Back in the day, hand jobs were exciting.

filmtvgifs.tumblr.com / Via giphy.com

And by "back in the day," I mean high school.

You could get some action without ~technically~ losing your v-card.

It was a win-win situation.

It worked in high school because, well, it doesn't exactly require a lot of stimulation for a hormonal teenage boy to…

But things change as we get older. Physically speaking.

Long gone are the days when a few tugs of ye ol' one-eyed monster result in a pleasurable orgasm.

http://giphy.com/gifs/handjob-girl-platypus-qXtddXkvRM9Pi

It can be dry and awkward for the recipient. Just sayin'.

I've also heard that poorly executed hand jobs have become one of the leading causes of arthritis.*

reddit.com / Via giphy.com

*OK so I totally just made that up... but giving a hand job definitely takes a toll on your hand, wrist, and arm.

And if you are able to manage to make your partner climax with JUST YOUR FUCKING HANDS, then you'll be left with something sticky all over your hands and GOD ONLY KNOWS where else.

Ew.
Disney / Via memecrunch.com

Ew.

Our views toward sex and intimacy also ~seem~ to evolve with age.

As a result, passionate sessions like this:

Are infinitely more enjoyable than this:

Also. Consider this: When you give someone a hand job you're essentially competing with them since practically everyone can touch their own genitals.

So don't set yourself up for failure...

Say "no" to hand jobs.

reddit.com / Via giphy.com

*drops mic*

  1. What do you think?

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    Totally agree: Hand jobs are for high school.
    Correct
    Incorrect
    100% disagree. Who doesn't love a good handie?
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    No comment.
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What do you think?
  1.  
    vote votes
    Totally agree: Hand jobs are for high school.
  2.  
    vote votes
    100% disagree. Who doesn't love a good handie?
  3.  
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    No comment.

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