24 Horribly Hilarious Stories Of Edible Marijuana Highs Gone Bad
"I couldn’t get my legs to work for 5 hours.”
1. “I laid on my roommate’s bed, convinced I was salami.”
"I ate too much of a cupcake and thought I was in a deli case. I laid on my roommate's bed, convinced I was salami, and waited for someone to come buy me."
2. "I watched a documentary about cheese on repeat for hours."
"I watched a documentary about cheese on repeat for four hours, then cried in my closet."
3. "I thought that my legs had turned into bacon."
"I once ate a two month old brownie on a date. I ended up getting so high I cried hysterically for over an hour because I thought that my legs had turned into bacon and that I'd never be able to walk again."
4. "A Japanese waiter carried me to my car."
"I started crying at a restaurant because I was sure everybody knew I was high and refused to leave until a Japanese waiter carried me to my car."
5. "We had to sit outside four hours before help came and I literally didn’t give a shit because I was so high!"
"I visited Amsterdam twice while studying abroad. The second time I went, my friends and I rented an Airbnb apartment. One morning, I slept in while my two friends went to the Van Gogh Museum. I ate a space cake while waiting for them to come back and got really high. I accidentally locked everyone out of the apartment while letting them into the building. We had to sit outside four hours before help came and I literally didn't give a shit because I was so high!"
6. "I took my pants off at the TSA checkpoint at the San Diego airport."
"I took my pants off at the TSA checkpoint at the San Diego airport. My friend gave me an edible Jolly Rancher Candy the night before, and I just put them in my purse. When I got to the airport I realized I still had them in my purse, and I was paranoid of drug sniffin' pups. So I ate them in line. One watermelon and one green apple.
Cut to 20 minutes later, still in the TSA line and STONED AS FUCK! The nice gentleman asked me to remove my belt and shoes. I was just going with the motions and removed my shoes, unbuckled my pants and pulled them off. I asked him what he wanted me to do with them, and he said, 'I want you to put them back on.' I was fairly certain I was going to jail. But then he just winked at me and said, 'happens all the time, ma'am.' Yea right!"
7. "The last thing I remember is buying gumbo, throwing up outside of a strip club called ‘Topless Bottomless’ and wearing a novelty cowboy hat."
"I had a bad experience with brownies in college. We were making a road trip from Tallahassee to New Orleans and decided to bake a batch of brownies for the ride.
I was so effed up after eating two that I forgot they had pot in them and ate a third one!
Mind you, we still hadn't even stepped foot on Bourbon Street and were already higher than bat shit. The last thing I remember is buying gumbo, throwing up outside of a strip club called 'Topless Bottomless' and wearing a novelty cowboy hat. The end."
8. "The brownies were stronger than I had anticipated, obviously, but then I found some Chipotle and calmed down."
"One night my boyfriend and I bought two brownies from a guy he kinda knew. They were tiny so he gave us an extra and told us to split it if the others didn't kick in. Instead, we split it immediately and 30 minutes later, while we were watching The Emperor's New Groove, I felt it kick in and immediately.
I honestly couldn't tell if I was awake or asleep and I started having a panic attack. Apparently I was walking around my boyfriend's room and crying for about three hours while he watched nervously. The brownies were stronger than I had anticipated, obviously, but then I found some Chipotle and calmed down."
9. "I thought my roommate’s boyfriend was Jesus Christ preparing me for the fires of hell."
"I ate a firecracker one night while watching Fantasia 2000. The next day I woke everyone up with a shrieking scream because I thought my roommate's boyfriend was Jesus Christ preparing me for the fires of hell."
10. "I had to perform on a stage in Disney World higher than fuck."
"My friend and I ate a whole brownie and got on a school bus headed to Disney World. An hour later, I guess started to get a little high and was looking through our bags for something to snack on. I found a bag of what I thought were the normal brownies we had made (I didn't know she had brought the pot brownies on the bus), and ate the rest of them.
The next 24 hours were a blur with occasional flashes of memories that still make me cringe to this day. Oh and this was a school orchestra trip, meaning I had to perform on a stage in Disney World higher than fuck. All I remember is my stand partner saying 'just move your arms really fast, it'll look like you're playing.' After two days of being secretly (but very obviously) high on a school trip filled with parents and teachers, I finally came down and didn't smoke again for five years."
11. "I went to work stoned out of my gourd."
"It was my first time with edibles and I was not a smoker. A friend tricked me into eating four Rice Krispies Treats because 'nothing was happening.' I had no idea it took time to kick in. I went to work stoned out of my gourd the next day (red eyes and all) and the day after that. That's right, I was stoned for TWO FULL DAYS after the night I ate those treats. My boss asked me to transfer a bunch of old S-VHS tapes of the 1996 Olympics to digital files, and those tapes were the most fascinating thing I ever saw!"
12. "I woke up the next morning and enjoyed a solid, constant high for the next 24 hours. True story.”
"My ex-boyfriend (read: ex-dumbass) made weed brownies a bit too strong and after passing out, waking up again, puking uncontrollably, and then feeling like I was LITERALLY dying, I woke up the next morning and enjoyed a solid, constant high for the next 24 hours. True story."
13. "I had a seizure and pissed the bed."
"Got so high off of a fruity pebbles bar that I had a seizure and pissed the bed. Worst day of my life."
14. "My hands went numb, my contacts fused to my eyes and I started drooling uncontrollably!"
"One time my boyfriend made a batch of brownies for a cookout. We ate a couple before we left and right when we got there mine kicked in. My hands went numb, my contacts fused to my eyes and I started drooling uncontrollably! I had to get the hostess to pry my contacts out then just sat in the yard giggling and drooling for the next three hours. Thankfully it was a stoner BBQ and all my friends just kept an eye on me and let me ride the freaky wave!"
15. "My friend told me that I had complained about having to pee but not being able to do so because the brownie absorbed it through my bladder."
"I couldn't move or speak, and every time I did I felt like my head was slamming against an imaginary brick wall. Later, my friend told me that I had complained about having to pee but not being able to do so because the brownie absorbed it through my bladder. I tried so hard the entire night to stay conscious and normal, but I could only drool and talk about pee."
16. "I asked the girl that was sitting next to me if there was a helicopter in the class room because for a second it sounded like there was.”
"When I was a senior in high school my friend was selling bud brownies and she gave me one for free. I ate about half of it and I didn't feel anything for a while and then BOOM! It hit me so hard and at once. I couldn't stop laughing in my statistics class and I asked the girl that was sitting next to me if there was a helicopter in the class room because for a second it sounded like there was."
17. "I couldn’t get my legs to work for 5 hours.”
"I ate cookies while studying once. I wasn't feeling it so I stood up, but then fell right back down. I couldn't get my legs to work for 5 hours."
18. "I swear, I woke up naked over twelve hours later."
"I decided that the day after a long night of drinking and smoking a few grams of marijuana, I would eat a tennis ball sized 'pot-pop' and attend a high school play. Oh my God, did I ever learn my lesson! I spent three hours in the bathroom in a complete daze of vomiting, dry heaving, hallucinating, and crying. Terrified that a principle or teacher would hear me, I waited, shaking, for what felt like an eternity until the play ended and one of my friends guided me to safety. I swear, I woke up naked over twelve hours later."
19. "I convinced myself that Leonardo da Vinci was of an alien species."
"I ate brownies with my old roommates and sat in silence while I started to feel crazier and crazier. I ended up going to bed and lying down, thinking I was dying. I don't remember the rest of the evening but when I woke up, I found a piece of paper proclaiming that I had found the meaning of life on my deathbed. Apparently I convinced myself that Leonardo da Vinci was of an alien species, and the real creator of earth and human kind."
20. "I wound up screaming so loudly and incessantly I lost my voice the next day."
"I ate half a brownie with my friend and ended up in the bathroom staring at myself in the mirror absolutely horrified. I wound up screaming so loudly and incessantly I lost my voice the next day. I even called my boyfriend and demanded he come help me because 'I was dying.' I was certain that the brownies had been laced with something and that the end was near. I now realize how irrational this is… no drug dealer is going to throw in free drugs at no extra cost without telling you! Eventually, after an hour of losing my shit, I found myself rather enjoying the experience and contemplating the universe."
21. "I realized all my friends had turned into dinosaurs."
"I was camping with friends in Oregon and even though I'd never gone near pot, I thought it would be a great idea to eat a whole edible myself. 30 minutes later, I looked around the tent and realized all my friends had turned into dinosaurs which naturally scared the fuck out of me. I kept screaming that an asteroid was coming and the world was about to end and that we were all going to die. I ended up curled up in a ball in the corner of the tent and didn't move for the next eight hours."
22. "I was still stoned at the Christmas Eve church service.”
"I ate 2/3 of a brownie made with hash and was stoned for almost 30 hours. On the plus side it was at a Christmas party two days before Christmas so I was still stoned at the Christmas Eve church service."
23. "Suddenly, I realized Lil' Kim was staring at me over my shoulder. I froze, as if she were a dinosaur from Jurassic Park."
"Still the only time I've ever done pot. I was at an office holiday party and didn't get the lingo, so my boyfriend and I both had special chocolates. Not realizing I'd eaten anything other than a rather bitter-tasting chocolate, I continued enjoying the party. Then suddenly, about an hour later, everything got REALLY weird. Since, as far as I was aware, all I'd had was a few shots, and I've never had a problem handling my liquor, I immediately became paranoid that I was drugged.
I confided my concerns to my boyfriend. He told me I couldn't have been poisoned, because he'd had everything I had, and he felt fine. His trip wouldn't kick in until hours later, when I was finally coming down. In that moment, I was hit with a horrifying realization; this was a conspiracy, and my boyfriend was in on it!
In a sudden panic to get away from him, I said I had to go to the bathroom, where I splashed water on my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror, trying to will myself to get it together. Suddenly, I realized Lil' Kim was staring at me over my shoulder. I froze, as if she were a dinosaur from Jurassic Park, and moving would give away my presence. I have no idea how long I stood there before I realized I was staring at a poster on the back of the bathroom door."
24. "I was just too high to function."
"I once ate a brownie before going bowling for a friends birthday. I had eaten them before and wasn't too worried about the effects. About 45 minutes after I ate it, I felt like I was in an Above the Influence commercial. Completely sunken and immersed into the couch. I physically couldn't move. I had to call my friends and cancel. I was just too high to function. I sat on that couch for four hours, watching 90 Day Fiance because I couldn't even get up to get the remote. It was so terrible but so good at the same time!"
Some stories were modified slightly for spelling, grammar, length, etc.