I'm Just A Girl, Standing In Front Of The Last Two Episodes Of "Stranger Things 4," Asking Them To Answer These 15 Questions

First and foremost: How much stranger can these things get?

Stranger Things came back with a bang in May, but its fourth season isn't over yet: Two more episodes will drop on July 1. Netflix dropped the trailer for Vol. 2 a few days ago, and between the guitar solo in hell and the ominous declarations of how much danger they're all in and Max reaching for her cassette player, I think it's fair to say that Vecna doesn't spontaneously decide to become one of the good guys.

Netflix / Via youtube.com

El's true superpower? Diplomacy. Just kidding, it's the ability to throw monsters around with her brain. 

I walked away from Volume 1 of Stranger Things 4 with a pre-existing, but revitalized passion, for Kate Bush and plenty of questions about what's going to happen in the final two episodes of the season. Here are 15 of those questions.

This post contains as many spoilers for Stranger Things 4 as the Upside Down does demogorgons, so if you aren't up to date, proceed with caution! 

1. Is one of the heroes going to die, and if so, who can I bribe to stop that from happening?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

As we all know, fighting monsters comes with a few occupational hazards, one of which is being torn to itty bitty pieces. And while Stranger Things has had its fair share of gruesome deaths, from Barb to Bob to Billy, one of the main characters has yet to bite it, and by bite it, I mean be bitten, to death, by a Demogorgon. 

I would say that (deep breath) Hopper, Joyce, Eleven, Will, Jonathan, Steve, Mike, Dustin, Lucas, Nancy, Murray, Robin, Erica, Robin, Max, Argyle, and Eddie all count as heroes. On the plus side, none of their names begins with "B," so maybe they'll be okay. But in an interview on The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon, Noah Schnapp (Will) said that "we've got some deaths coming."  

Seriously, Duffer Brothers, are you accepting bribes? In the form of either money or kitschy '80s memorabilia? Let me know. 

2. And if someone has to go to the big Starcourt Mall in the sky, who's it going to be?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

Let's assume that all of the kids — Erica, Lucas, Max, Dustin, Will, and El — are safe, because assuming otherwise would make it difficult to see what I'm typing through my tears. 

I don't think it's going to be Hopper, since he already got a death scene and he shouldn't be greedy, and I don't think it'll be Joyce, either, because Winona Ryder. And no, I don't mean "because she's played by Winona Ryder." I mean because of Winona Ryder. It could be Murray, but now that he knows karate, it's difficult to imagine any creature capable of killing him. 

Out of everyone, I think Steve, Jonathan, Nancy, Robin, Argyle, and Eddie, aka the teens, are in the most danger. Eddie was only introduced this season, and killing off such a new and instantly beloved character would deliver an emotional punch without shaking up the status quo; the same goes for Argyle. Jonathan notably hasn't had much to do this season, and something bad hasn't happened to Will in, like, ten minutes, which is practically a decade in Stranger Things time, so losing his older brother might be next on the trauma docket for him. And when we last see Nancy she's in the clutches of Vecna. Meanwhile, Steve is pretty badly injured, and in the trailer for the last two episodes of the season, Robin worries, "It might not work out for us this time." 

That's not the sort of attitude you want to bring into a fight for humanity's survival, and it's making me nervous. 

3. Steve better not die, damn it.

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

You may be thinking, "That's not a question." But you know what I'm thinking? "Steve better not die, damn it." 

4. Does anyone know what Nancy's favorite song is?

Netflix

At the end of Vol. 1, Nancy is on the verge of getting Vecna'd in the swimming pool where Barb died, because if there's anything that evil monster loves, it's continuity. Look, I just think that as soon as the group worked out the "favorite song" trick, they should've made a mixtape of everyone's jams and kept it playing on repeat. 

5. What are the odds that Papa double-crosses Eleven and tries to stop her from leaving the underground compound?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

Like...pretty high, right? I just feel like the show is building up to a moment where Hopper punches this guy in the face. Sort of a classic Surrogate Dad vs. Evil Scientist Papa match-up, you know?

6. Will Eleven gain any new powers?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

It's probably a given that Eleven's pre-existing powers — telekinesis, astral projection, diorama construction — will get stronger, but Vecna has abilities unlike any villain she's faced yet, so will she make a return visit to the superpower buffet and pick up something new? 

7. And will she use them to get vengeance on Angela?

Netflix

I know, I know, she already took a roller-skate to the noggin. Nothing but credit to Élodie Grace Orkin for creating a bully so reprehensible that the rest of the characters will probably have to resist the impulse to offer her to Vecna as a freebie. 

8. How does everyone end up back together?

Netflix / courtesy Everett Collection

Right now, the cast is spread throughout Hawkins, Salt Lake City, an underground bunker, and the Soviet goddamn Union. My guess is that Hopper, Joyce, Murray, and their new friend Dmitri find a gate to the Upside Down that somehow allows them to reach Hawkins, because with only two episodes left, how much time do we have to watch them try to find a travel agent who specializes in organizing trips for Soviets to visit the Midwest? 

9. Who's going to deal with the Satanic Panic squad?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

The trailer contains some footage of Lucas fighting someone who I think is Jason, so I'm guessing he's the one to defeat this Vecna-in-a-polo-shirt, maybe with an assist from Eddie, who Jason turned from an outcast into an outright fugitive. Lucas has been the Party's voice of reason for so long that it'd be a nice full-circle moment for him to be the one to deal with the threat of a mob that's lost sight of reason. 

10. Which song is Eddie going to play in the Upside Down?

Netflix / Via youtube.com

It's Kate Bush's "Wuthering Heights," right? 

11. Are we going to find out whether Will has a crush on Mike?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

Fans have long speculated that Will is gay, bisexual, or asexual, and the first part of this season leaned into the idea that Will is nursing a bit of a crush on his lifelong best friend. Since they're all in mortal peril (classic!), it seems like the perfect time for Will to open up about his feelings if those feelings exist. 

12. And what did Will paint for Mike?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

Will painted something for Mike that he clearly wanted to give him at the airport, but Mike brushed him off. Is that painting going to come up again, and if it does, will it be the means by which Will opens up to his friend? He is a character for whom art has been a significant means of communication before — think back on his Season 2 drawings of the Mind Flayer — so it makes sense for him to use it in human circumstances, as well as supernatural ones. 

13. Speaking of romance, what's going to happen with all of the central couples?

Netflix / courtesy Everett Collection

Here are where things stand at the end of Volume 1. 

Nancy is with Jonathan, but long-distance has made their relationship tense, and Nancy is rekindling her feelings for Steve, who's playing it cool, but clearly still has a thing for her. 

Max broke up with Lucas while she was grieving Billy, but they're in the process of reconnecting. 

Mike and El are together, but they got into a big fight following the incident at the roller rink. Afterward, El was arrested, and on her way to juvie, she decided to go with some shady government agents to regain her missing powers. And she signed her goodbye note "from El" instead of "love, El." So...there's that. 

Joyce and Hopper are not technically together, but following that hug in the gulag, c'mon. 

Will may or may not have a crush on Mike. 

It's a dangerous amount of romantic strife when there's a monster prowling around whose whole deal is that "I love mess" meme. 

14. Will El defeat Vecna in Volume 2, or is he the series' "final boss," so to speak?

Netflix / Courtesy Everett Collection

The next season will be Stranger Things' last. Since Dustin refers to Vecna as the Mind Flayer's "five-star general," and he is the villain with the most personal connection to El, it's possible that El only manages to temporarily hold him off and must face him again in Season 5. Or, OR, does she defeat Vecna, but another human with a personal connection to El is turned into the Upside Down's next general? Perhaps...Papa? 

15. And finally: Do you want to feel how it feels? Do you want to know, know that it doesn't hurt me? Do you want to hear about the deal that I'm making?

Kate Bush / EMI Records / Via youtube.com

Hint: It's a deal, with God, to get him to switch our places.