Welcome to this week's stressful/delightful recap of The Great British Bake Off!
This week, the final six bakers battled against caramel. Here are 16 undeniably delightful moments from the episode, plus 19 exceptionally stressful ones.
Warning: Spoilers (and potential emotional turmoil) ahead.
1. STRESSFUL: The "Caramel Gibson" opener, which exists in spite of the fact that Mel Gibson is not an individual worthy of punny baking show jokes. Also, this exact show had a beloved host named Mel. Can't they do something with that?
Signature Challenge: A Highly Decorative Sharing Size Caramel Tart
2. DELIGHTFUL: The fact that Lizzie's tart is themed after Titanic. (The movie, not the ship.)
3. DELIGHTFUL: Giuseppe preparing to bake with caramel the best way he knows how: spending time with his Italian wife.
4. DELIGHTFUL: You see those marble things? The bakers use those to avoid the "dreaded soggy bottom," as Matt puts it, and according to Crystelle they're called "baking beans," which is simply too good of a phrase not to immediately repeat out loud. Seriously, try it. Whatever's wrong, it'll make it better.
5. STRESSFUL: Realizing that before it becomes delicious, caramel is a lethal vat of boiling sugar.
6. STRESSFUL: Lizzie's oven-watching position, which speaks to a level of caramel-induced despair I don't even want to contemplate.
7. STRESSFUL: George coming to this realization with only a minute left in the challenge.
8. STRESSFUL: George just grabbing fistfuls of cream off his tart for no clear reason other than panic.
9. DELIGHTFUL: The adorable tiny biscuit flowers decorating Crystelle's tart.
10. DELIGHTFUL: Chigs' drop-dead gorgeous caramel tart. The judges think its caramel flavor is too strong, to which I say, "But wasn't that the assignment?"
11. STRESSFUL: Watching Jürgen — Jürgen! — turn in a tart that the judges neither like the look nor the taste of. (His caramel was too close to toffee, said Paul. And to be honest, I know there is a difference, but I have no idea what the difference is. Caramel is gooey and toffee is...not?)
12. STRESSFUL: George's worst fears of a curdled custard coming true right before his eyes.
Technical Challenge: Caramel Biscuit Bars
13. STRESSFUL: ...Are these Twix bars? These are Twixes, right? Right?! Why is Paul pretending that these aren't Twixes and conscripting us into his devious ruse?
14. DELIGHTFUL: This joke, which thankfully broke the "this is a Twix" ice.
15. DELIGHTFUL: Noel's decision to deliver brief but undoubtedly evocative summations of the remaining bakers.
16. DELIGHTFUL: Crystelle's classy description of her ideal caramel.
17. STRESSFUL: This contrast in the bakers' experiences with their caramel, which I can't imagine bodes well for George.
18. STRESSFUL: Wondering whether assigning the bakers a treat that is mass produced by machines in a factory is a fair challenge, considering that none of them quite pulled off a perfect Twix bar, which makes sense, since the technology required to make said perfect Twix is probably worth millions?
19. STRESSFUL: Paul saying this when the other bakers applaud for Giuseppe, who placed first in the Technical. Again, what did he expect? Giuseppe is a man, not a cold, Twix-making machine. Was this entire challenge a covert advertisement for Twix? Are we supposed to walk away from this thinking, "Well, since now we know they're impossible to make at home, might as well keep buying them at the store"? How high up does this conspiracy go?
Showstopper: *deep breath* A Visually Spectacular Caramel-Flavored Dessert, Complete With An Exquisite Sugar Work Dome Or Sphere
20. STRESSFUL: This frankly unnerving pre-challenge commentary from Prue.
21. STRESSFUL: The fact that Jürgen's to-do list has 107 entries, which is 102 more than I could ever handle.
22. STRESSFUL: George's confidence being so low after a rough first day that he's saved himself the trouble of packing later.
23. DELIGHTFUL: Crystelle theming her dessert after a cactus her late grandfather, Greg, bought her family the day before he died.
24. DELIGHTFUL: Noel unpacking George's pre-packed bags for him (and, according to George, actually using some of his real clothes for the bit).
25. STRESSFUL: Chigs' gelatin-induced catastrophe, which forces him to start again. (And say, "I flippin' hate caramel," and at this point? Same.)
26. STRESSFUL: Watching all of the bakers remove their exceptionally delicate sugar domes from their molds (and, in Crystelle's case, watching it fall apart in her hands).
27. DELIGHTFUL: Matt camouflaging himself among the sugar domes.
28. STRESSFUL: Crystelle shattering her third dome, then pivoting to the balloon technique (in which the bakers pour melted sugar over an inflated balloon, then deflate it, leaving them with a circular dome), despite the fact that she's never attempted it before.
29. STRESSFUL: Oh my god, Crystelle successfully pulling off the balloon technique, then getting her perfect dome stuck in a bowl, while the other contestants watch in abject horror.
Luckily, Lizzie comes to her aid, and the dome gets on the dessert.
30. DELIGHTFUL: Despite everything, Crystelle's terrarium dessert looks pretty freaking amazing.
31. DELIGHTFUL: Jürgen's dome, which is as clear as his path to the final.
32. DELIGHTFUL: George pulling through with a gorgeous (and delicious) Showstopper after a difficult few days in the tent.
33. DELIGHTFUL: Paul telling Lizzie that she's delivered finesse, after weeks of her striving for it with each and every bake. They don't love the way it tastes, but c'mon, look at it! Look at those roses! They're more beautiful than the world's most sublime Twix! No, I'm not over the Twix thing!
Final Results
34. DELIGHTFUL: Jürgen, aka the Jürgen-nator, aka Jürgy-pops, according to Noel, being named Star Baker.
35. STRESSFUL: Saying goodbye to George, whose constant state of near-panic didn't stop him from being extremely lovable (and not to mention, one hell of a baker).
