Goldfish Released A Frank’s Red Hot Flavor For Adults, So Naturally I Had To Try Them

It's your favorite childhood snack, all grown up!

In late April, Goldfish answered the collective prayers of a nation. In response to over 35,000 requests, Pepperidge Farm announced a collaboration with Frank's Red Hot on a spicy flavor for an "older, mature" audience.

Goldfish / Via instagram.com

Goldfish were actually originally marketed as bar snacks (until the signature smile was added in the '90s) and Julia Child herself even served them as a Thanksgiving appetizer and accompaniment to martinis.

As a grown-up Goldfish enthusiast (some might call me a geriatric fan), a spicy flavor came as a revelation, and I knew that I had to do a taste test and share my findings with all of you.

HBO / Via giphy.com

But first I had to find them. I live in Brooklyn, and I visited two Targets, four grocery stores, and around five bodegas on my Fish Quest™, only to come up empty. I enlisted friends and my confused parents in the search, and I even tried getting noticed by Goldfish Corporate on Twitter.

Mary Colussi

I didn't receive any freebies, but this screenshot is worth more to me than all the novelty crackers in the world.

At long last, I was able to secure the Goldfish by ordering them online, and before you ask, no that was not an option at first, and yes I checked Amazon, Walmart, Instacart, etc.

Mary Colussi

Here's what the bag looked like up close:

Mary Colussi

The only differences between this and your average bag of Goldfish was that sticker sealing it shut (I'm guessing that must be a signifier of its limited edition status, since the packaging was still sealed with glue) and its aggressive matte-ness, because didn't you know? This smiling fish cracker is for SERIOUS ADULTS.

And here's the fabled snack itself. So what did it taste like?

Mary Colussi

Honestly, these were spicier than I thought they'd be! Despite the adult-oriented marketing and that somber how-could-this-snack-smile-back-if-I-didn't-smile-in-the-first-place packaging, I still thought Goldfish would hold back on heat. And don't get me wrong, it's not painful or anything, but it's definitely present. Otherwise, the flavor is pretty vinegar-forward, which I'm into, but they're coated in that mysterious Flavor Blasted dust, which I'm less excited about. I've eaten around two handfuls so far (the only scientifically accurate way of measuring Goldfish is through handfuls) and my mouth is burning in a pleasant "I need to refill my water bottle" way, not in a "final wing on Hot Ones" way.

Here are the ingredients, if you're interested. Note the presence of smiles:

Mary Colussi

If you're a fan of either Goldfish or Frank's Red Hot, this snack is worth a try, though if you're planning on giving them to the "younger, less mature" Goldfish consumers out there (i.e., actual children), be warned that they're actually pretty spicy! Kids might want to stick to the classics like Cheddar and Parmesan, but if enough adults try these, I could see Goldfish reclaiming its bar snack throne.

Goldfish / Via giphy.com

BRB, consulting a sommelier on the best Goldfish/alcohol pairings, Julia Child-style.