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    28 Tiny But Helpful Tips That'll Make Being A Bridesmaid Less Stressful

    No maids of dishonor around here. No way. No how. 🙅🏿‍♀️

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    We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community what things they wish they knew before being a bridesmaid to keep them from going broke, getting stressed, or both. Here are the very helpful results mixed in with a few of my own. 👰🏿💃🏿

    1. Start communicating and planning with the other bridesmaids as soon as you all accept the invitation to join the wedding party.

    "As a maid of honor, I started a group chat with all the bridesmaids right away. We were all in different states so the open communication was so helpful!" —alisonc477fcd75d

    2. Clarify exactly what the bride expects you to be responsible for doing! You are, indeed, a bridesmaid for reasons other than looking fab in the bride's photos. 🤷🏿‍♀️

    "I didn't know that the bridesmaids were also responsible for the bridal shower. I thought that was the responsibility of the bride's mother or mother-in-law. Needless to say, I dropped the ball on that one!" —ashleyl4faacefea

    3. Use a maid-of-honor planner — so you can write every single thing down and leave nothing up to chance! (Type A personalities, yea I'm talkin' ta YOU.)

    the planner which says "maid of honor planner"

    This book has space for everything you need to plan including important dates to refer to at a glance, the actual wedding date, dress shopping, meeting with the caterer, the bridal shower, and the bachelorette party.

    Get the planner pictured above from Amazon for $8.99.

    4. Order your dress and get alterations sooner rather than later.

    Nah, seriously. Don't procrastinate your way to an ill-fitting dress, an uncomfy walk down the aisle, and an "I'm really uncomfortable but trying to be glam" smile in those wedding photos. If you wait to get your dress and wait to get alterations, something WILL go wrong. Sometimes even the alterations need alterations and you need to get the dress back in time. Trust me, the last thing you need to be worried about on the wedding day is the fit of your dress.

    5. Be smart about where you spend the coins for dress alterations! 🤑

    "You do not need to get your dress altered at the shop where you purchased it. Some shops charge an arm and a leg for just a hem but a lot of local dry cleaners do just as great of a job and for far cheaper. —kaitlinw433331ac8

    6. If you hate the bridesmaids' dresses, then speak up early, speak up ONCE, and offer affordable alternatives.

    NBC / Giphy / Via

    It's definitely worth it to speak your piece about disliking a dress that you'll wear and pose in for hours. That said, it's not your wedding day so you only have a weensy bit of leverage. Communicate that you don't love the dress for whatever reason and then offer alternatives (because no one likes a person who can point out a problem but never has a solution). Do this ONCE. If the bride bites, then cuuuute 💁🏿‍♀️. If not? Get over it. No one wants to hear you complaining over and over and ultimately, the day is about your loved one getting married. Suck it up. Smile for the camera. Then, don't ever wear that hideous dress again.

    7. Buy YOUR dress size, not your dream size.

    FOX / Giphy / Via

    At the last wedding I ~bridesmaided~ for, the matron of honor bought her dress about two sizes too small. Since it was a destination wedding and we were at the location a few days ahead of the day, she tried to get the appropriate size mailed to her and it never came. She ended up having to walk down the aisle with the too-small dress unzipped and her back exposed. Moral? Order your actual dress size so you can feel comfortable at the wedding. And look, if you *do* plan to lose weight and your dress ends up being way too big, at least it's easier to have a dress taken in than to have it let out.

    8. Try finding shoes to match your dress(es?) that'll be comfy ~and~ glam.

    NBC / Giphy / Via

    "You will be standing for sooo long between waiting as the bride gets dressed, pre-wedding photos, the ceremony, post-wedding photos, the cocktail party, and the party after. Unless you are willing to end up barefoot, choose your shoes wisely." —asunseri24

    ALSO, peep our round-up of dressy Amazon heels that are actually comfortable to wear.

    9. Get those designer shoes for the wedding if you must, but there's no need to pay designer prices.

    "Buy the sky-high shoes you're going to need for that dress on Poshmark (or another secondhand clothing outlet), take them off at the reception to dance, never wear them again, and sell them once you're done. You won't get all your money back but that extra $13 will come in handy for something else, like ordering nachos to eat all by your single self the week after the wedding." —BuzzFeed editor Elizabeth Lilly

    10. Invest in heel stoppers if you're at an outdoor wedding. They'll make those super high and skinny bridesmaids' heels a lil' easier to walk on by avoiding sinking in the grass.

    BuzzFeed editor Elizabeth Lilly's wedding heel with a heel stoppers on the bottom that offers a clear, circular landing for her shoe
    BuzzFeed / Elizabeth Lilly

    BuzzFeed editor Elizabeth Lilly swears by these, btw.

    Get a pack of 12 from Amazon for $12.95.

    11. Though I'm not opposed to getting drunk during some wedding festivities (depending on the vibe of your group), you still need to watch your liquor intake.

    "Do NOT get drunk before the reception. Especially if you’re the maid/matron of honor and will be expected to deliver a speech." —wickednicki12

    12. Opting for a full bridal party decor kit could save you and the rest of the bridesmaids from having to think of every single detail for the celebration. Just order the kit and set it all up!

    the rose gold-themed bridal decorations
    Effortless Events Co. / Etsy

    This'll be especially clutch if you're not the most creative crew in the world but really wanna give the bride something beautiful to walk into during the party. This small business called Effortless Events Co. can handle the lewks. You and the squad can handle the vibes! 

    Get the bridal party decor set from Effortless Events Co. on Etsy for $33.14.

    13. Watch the hair-tie placement on the big day. It sounds trivial but, well...

    "Make sure no one still has a hair tie on their wrist when they walk down the aisle. They’ll regret it in pictures later and someone always seems to do it." —danyelleu

    14. Bring a sewing kit on the wedding day! You'll be surrounded by enough dresses and suits and someone (possibly even YOU) will really need it.

    the sewing kit with thread spools of different colors and other sewing materials

    "Bring a sewing kit! In every wedding I’ve been in, someone’s dress has needed an emergency something — a button needs sewing, a loose thread, an extra pin to secure a bra... It’s always been incredibly useful and something not everyone thinks to bring!" —amye42d8e3e90

    Get this one from Amazon for $16.97.

    15. OR, get an entire bridal emergency kit on hand so when any "OMG, we need..." moment happens (and it will), you'll already have backups and won't spend extra money or gas on a store trip.

    the kit

    Get this one from Amazon for $15.64.

    16. Being a bridesmaid is expensive as all HECK. The easiest way to prep yourself financially is to save up.

    "I’ve been a bridesmaid in a few weddings and I’ve learned to set some money aside each month after you’re initially asked to be a maid. Doing it that way means you’ll always be prepared to purchase something like your dress or even other miscellaneous things that come up." —jasminc4512ec12f

    17. Try out the hairstyle you want for the wedding several months ahead so that you can be sure it's how you want to look *and* that you can keep it up for the entire wedding day.

    I tried out a hairstyle I ~thought~ I wanted for my best friend's wedding about three months ahead of time because I had never gotten it before and wanted to be sure I'd be comfortable with it. Thankfully, I ended up HATING IT so I was able to change my mind and go with a style I was more familiar with for the wedding. Phew! It was mos def the right choice.

    18. Sharpening your makeup skills could prove to be a MAJOR key to wedding survival.

    TLC / Giphy / Via

    "Learn to do your own makeup! Watch YouTube tutorials and take classes at Sephora. Not only will you save a ton of money but you're also more likely to end up with a look you love. Makeup artists each have their own ideas of what looks good and it may not jive with yours. Plus, it's a skill you'll be able to use in real life" —caitiekickpuncher

    Um, this is also the part where I let you know that this could ~also~ come in handy if the makeup artist your friend hired ghosts her on her wedding day. It happened to my bestie and thank goodness, most of us had the makeup know-how to get her and ourselves through the day still looking bomb.

    19. Investing in a case of champagne for all the wedding festivities could be clutch for you.

    "I bought one right after my best friend got engaged and asked me to be a bridesmaid. For every event or occasion related to the wedding, I would bring a bottle or two and feel like it saved me big bucks. People were willing to buy my drinks since I had already made a contribution or I didn’t have to provide food or decorations since I was bringing champagne. It worked out perfectly since the last bottle was used as a bridal party toast right before we walked down the aisle. I didn’t do it the second time I was in a wedding and feel like I spent a lot more on food and the bachelorette party and shower decor. It doesn’t have to be champagne either; it can be whatever the bride’s beverage of choice is."—lydiaa4aba7d1c2

    20. Puh-lease, avoid any "I love them more. No, I love them more" nonsense. 🙅🏿‍♀️ The bride chose you both as bridesmaids so there's that.

    VH1 / Giphy / Via

    "It's awkward being part of a bridal party. It just is! You don't have to become best friends with everyone there. Understand that everyone has a special connection with the bride and that it's not a competition to prove who is closest to the bride. A lot of bridal party activities are kind of based on that interaction. Just be confident in yourself." —l4a6879caf

    21. Don't be too shy to really enjoy and participate in all the fun for your loved one's wedding. It's not about you. It's about them so just do it, ya' know?

    "I was a bridesmaid when I was 16 so I didn't have a ton of responsibility but one big thing that the bride asked of us was to dance down the aisle after the ceremony. Being 16, anxious, and self-conscious — I didn't do this and was the only one not to. I regret it to this day. My advice for other bridesmaids is to do whatever weird stuff your bride wants to do on her wedding day. Your pride isn't worth the regret you'll feel if you don't do it." —bonniereinsch

    22. It's also not worth it to put up a fight over who was or wasn't chosen to be the maid/matron-of-honor.

    Freeform / ABC / Giphy / Via

    If it isn't you, then it's just not you. Why be mad when you can focus on celebrating this amazing life milestone your loved one is reaching?

    23. You don't have to make it to every single one of the events leading up to the wedding. You just don't.

    "It's okay if you can't make it to the bridal shower or bachelorette party! If it isn't feasible — like if you have to fly cross-country — don't worry about it!" —brujarn

    Some people have multiple showers and bachelorette parties. Sometimes, they're destination events. If it's all too much on your schedule or wallet, then tell the bride you can't make every event AND ask which one she would really prefer that you not miss. Easy peasy.

    24. Oil-free lotion is your friend and it just might save your dress! Hear this out:

    reviewer's hand holding CeraVe moisturizing lotion

    "I brought lotion that had oils in it to our bridal suite to put on before pictures. I did not realize that the oils in the lotion would rub off on our chiffon dresses 10 minutes before pictures. We had a wet washcloth and a hairdryer to get the oil off the dresses but it would have been way better if we just used oil-free lotion. Learn from my mistake." —kylieh4396a00ac

    Get this one from Amazon for $11.62.

    25. Set a gifting budget for yourself so you honor wedding etiquette AND stay on top of your financial goals.

    Going broke over a wedding is not cute. There's nothing wrong with setting a low gifting budget. It's truly the thought that counts, especially after you've already spent hella money just being a bridesmaid. I gave my bestie and her husband a champagne glass and beer mug set for a bride and groom. It was under $15.

    26. And don't be afraid to say "no" to any outrageous or unnecessary expenses. You are not a bank.

    Bravo / Giphy / Via

    "Even though being a bridesmaid is an honor, you must still honor yourself and your bank account. Don’t be afraid to set boundaries with the bride (in a nice way), if the financial obligation becomes too much. It may be challenging, but don’t go broke for someone else!!!!!" —jasminc4512ec12f

    27. Actually, you can say "no" to being a bridesmaid altogether if it's too much for you.

    Warner Bros / Giphy / Via

    "Be honest and realistic with your budget. My friend had no idea that I went into debt for her wedding. The dress, hair, makeup, shoes, bachelorette party (especially if out of town), bridal party, and gifts all add up really quickly. Don’t feel bad if you can’t swing it. Your friend may want you involved but if being a bridesmaid is too much, then find other ways to support and love her without spending that much. I once sang during the ceremony. My sister had a friend read Scripture during communion. There are lots of ways to love and support them without spending a ton of money." —rachelk4418b3566

    28. And focus on your love for the bride at all times!

    1501 Certified Ent LLC / Giphy / Via

    Even the best, most fun weddings are stressful. People may do things you don't exactly love. What got me through all three of my bridesmaid experiences was my love for the person whose wedding I was in. Focus on celebrating with and FOR that person, period.

    BuzzFeed Community responses have been edited for length and/or clarity.

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