38 Problems Every Italian Kid Knows

You used to stink of salami. All. The. Time.

1. Nutella was the only spread in your cupboard.

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2. And your sandwich always had at least two different deli meats on them.

3. It meant that the other kids in the playground thought you always smelled of salami.

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4. Your mother was the scariest and most terrifying person in your life.

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5. But Nonna was the most important person. No one else mattered.

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6. And she was never going take that apron off…. even in photos.

7. Your lounges were always covered in plastic or a rug or a blanket. You were never sitting on that couch.

8. You were given envelopes full of cash for every major life event.

9. Because your family didn’t trust banking so there was always cash stashed away in the house.

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10. And while all the other kids had parties at special places… all your birthdays were in the garage.

11. It was also the place for annual tomato day. Or as you knew, child labour day.

12. And beer bottles would be saved throughout the year for this day.

13. And all that sauce (gravy) meant nothing could ever fit in the freezer.

14. The pasta also needed to be dried somewhere.

15. When it came to pizza, no one believed you that it should be rectangular.

16. Your mouth was full most of the time so you had to learn to speak with your hands.

17. And you needed to perfect the hand gestures… like this means “what are you doing?!”

18. And this was the most offensive way to dismiss someone.


19. Sometimes you really didn’t know anything.

20. Visitors to the house were always served coffee from this… and thought it tasted terrible.

21. And you were given a coffee addiction you still have to this day.

22. Now this is a balanced breakfast.

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23. Every tea-towel around the house had a map on it.

24. This is what’s called a “small plate” of pasta.

25. Spelling your surname to people felt like this.

26. And you got a terrible nickname because people couldn’t say your real name.

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27. The greatest national triumph came just after this moment

28. And you remember crying when this happened.

29. The only music played in the house was from this guy.

30. You owned too much “Italia” merch.


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32. Your family were more like The Sopranos, because your Dad would be really picky.

33. Your childhood heroes were these renaissance artists.

34. Listening to people trying to speak Italian kinda felt like this.

35. But it didn’t matter because you’re a real Italian who loved telling everyone all the time.

36. We come from the Romans! The people who started civilisation!

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37. And we love being in the spotlight…

38. Say it loud and proud!

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