back to top

England And The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

New Zealand's cricket team smash England with 226 balls to spare.

Posted on

England's cricket team had a bad day on Friday at the Cricket World Cup. Like terrible. One of the worst ever.

Mark Kolbe / Getty Images

As England's batsmen went out to the middle it quickly became clear New Zealand were going to make short work of them.

Mark Kolbe / Getty Images

They were sent packing for a measly score of 123 runs.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

And Kiwi fast bowler Tim Southee was the destroyer. England flailed like fish and Southee stomped on them. On their heads.

Shaun Botterill / Getty Images

English comedian and cricket tragic Andy Zaltzman recognised it wasn't a fair fight.

Not a fair contest. New Zealand have all the advantages. Population, resources, money. Pretty mountains. Quieter roads. Hobbits. The works.

Andy Zaltzman@ZaltzCricketFollow

Not a fair contest. New Zealand have all the advantages. Population, resources, money. Pretty mountains. Quieter roads. Hobbits. The works.

2:56 PM - 20 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

It was as if England were not even playing the sport they had come to play... the sport of cricket.

In most World Cups, teams play the same sport against each other. Not sure this is happening today.

Andy Zaltzman@ZaltzCricketFollow

In most World Cups, teams play the same sport against each other. Not sure this is happening today.

3:13 PM - 20 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

With England's bowlers sent out to defend a terrible total in walked their goddamn worst nightmare: Kiwi captain Brendan McCullum.

Marty Melville / Getty Images

McCullum went about scoring the fastest half-century in World Cup history. FASTEST EVER!#@!#@!$

Bae: Come over. McCullum: I have the cricket world cup. Bae: No one's home. McCullum:

Paul Wissam@pjwissamFollow

Bae: Come over.

McCullum: I have the cricket world cup.

Bae: No one's home.

McCullum:

3:20 PM - 20 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

At one point he was scoring at more than four runs per ball. He was 2blazed2bfazed.

Blaze it RT @jacksongs: For those who aren’t watching…

Vince Rugari@VinceRugariFollow

Blaze it RT @jacksongs: For those who aren’t watching…

3:23 PM - 20 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

And England's bowlers were left to contemplate whether it was even a good idea to settle in New Zealand in the first place.

New Zealand won with 226 balls to spare. That's a fucking shitload.
Mark Kolbe / Getty Images

New Zealand won with 226 balls to spare. That's a fucking shitload.

It was a bloodbath.

This is close to a human rights abuse.

Legendary cricketers were quick to turn in a report card.

Well...well... Eng totally decimated by NZ! #CWC2015

Anil Kumble@anilkumble1074Follow

Well...well... Eng totally decimated by NZ! #CWC2015

3:24 PM - 20 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

And England cricket's Troll-In-Chief, Piers Morgan was dishing out a constant stream of abuse.

Afghanistan may beat England at cricket. Let's dwell on that, shall we? #NZvENG

Piers Morgan@piersmorganFollow

Afghanistan may beat England at cricket. Let's dwell on that, shall we?

#NZvENG

4:03 PM - 20 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

Sorry England, you sucked today.

The Queen has spoken... #NZvENG #CWC2015 #CWC15

Sam Squiers@SamSquiersFollow

The Queen has spoken... #NZvENG #CWC2015 #CWC15

3:30 PM - 20 Feb 15ReplyRetweetFavorite

You were embarrassing... but there's only one thing you can do.