The 7 Stages Of Selfies (as Illustrated By James Franco)

All the Web’s a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their Likes and their Favorites, And one man in his time posts many pics, His Selfies featuring seven ages. -- Shakespeare, As You Like It (Act II, Scene VII) (A BuzzAdemia exclusive!)

1. Blurfie

James Franco / Via instagram.com

Picture of me, out of focus or with flash in bathroom mirror, tile, or glass behind me (still mastering technology/reflection/angles of incidence), marked by complete absence of flattering filters.

2. Selfie

cdn.swaggernewyork.com / Via instagram.com

Picture of myself in all my youthful body dismorphic glory on the beach, at the club, drink in hand, duckface/bicepts flexed

3. Usfie

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Picture of me and my main squeeze, PDAs, FBDAs

4. Vaycayfie

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(DINKs/prekids/single w disposable income/biz travel) Picture of my exotic travel life [often w *authentic* native food/novelty beverage]

5. Kidfie

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Let's face it, I'm not going to be cute forever. So what are my options? Better start posting pictures of my adorable kids (birth thru graduation), gradually looking less comfortable with parents snapping shots (poaching their Likes)

6. Grandkidfie:

Via tumblr.com

Ditto (more often featured with selfie: in the lap, in the arms, at the heals). What's cuter than an Instagrandbaby? An Instagrandpa!

7. Catfie (or Dogfie)

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[or alternate for 5-6] When I'm tired of the kids and grandkids, or if I don't have any, I must turn to pictures of my pet [alt: gerbilfie, lizardfie, ferretfie], usually in repose or painstakingly posed.

BONUS: Selfie-Referentialie

Via instagram.com

And when I'm at last too cool for selfies, I shoot a selfie to highlight just how meta I am, hashtag it #mesoironic, and reap the hearts!!!

Let the Games Begin!

Via Twitter: @rgrusin

As Franco remediates, so is he remediated!

Mark C. Marino teaches Writing at the University of Southern California

James Franco is a Ph.D. student in a variety of institutions.

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