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25 Pinoy Tweets About Sex That Are Frankly Funny As Fuck

Don't subo.

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1. This unexpected college requirement:

Twitter: Vicilliar / Via Twitter: @Vicilliar

2. This surprise pun:

"anong gusto mong gawin ko?" "jack ma dick"

Twitter: @itsbeben11 / Via Twitter: @itsbeben11

3. The newest beauty trend:

Twitter: @jdsalinger / Via Twitter: @jdsalinger

4. Plot twist:

Grindr guy: "Versa here. Gusto mo ng tirahan?" Me: "Basta bungalow at malayo sa West Valley Fault."

Twitter: @NotdahelMarcel / Via Twitter: @NotdahelMarcel

5. Plot twist too:

"Bro tikman mo tong cake na gawa ni mama" "Ikaw nalang tikman ko bro tutal gawa ka rin naman ng mama mo" "Bro" "Bro"

Twitter: @BroMessages / Via Twitter: @BroMessages

6. Branding:

Bakit yung title sa sex tapes nyo kelangan may branding? Like "chupaan with Savemore guy" or "CarFun with Jollibee… https://t.co/WNwHVykEsZ

Twitter: @shirubang / Via Twitter: @shirubang

7. As seen on TV?

May nagbebenta ng Gel na pampalaki daw kay Junjun. Sabi ko patingin muna ng Junjun mo kung totoo ngang nagpapalaki.… https://t.co/70K4vevacL

Twitter: @GuchoPRMaven / Via Twitter: @GuchoPRMaven

8. What's in your pants?

cosmo sex tip #32: slide her hand into ur pants. when she says, "wow ur dick is so hard" reply "that's not my dick that's a malignant tumor"

Twitter: @humanbasura / Via Twitter: @humanbasura

9. Third wheel:

Yung feeling mo malalandi mo yung may jowa pero bes solid sila:

Twitter: @darnitJC / Via Twitter: @darnitJC

10. *hiya*

*sa mercury drug* me: ate may strepsils po kayo? ate: yung para sa deep throat? me: what ate: me: ate: what

Twitter: @weynbow / Via Twitter: @weynbow

11. Ang kulit mo!

me: may nipple tape po kayo?????????? ate watsons employee: para saan po???????????? pota para sa pepe ate isasara ko lang

Twitter: @idesofmarj / Via Twitter: @idesofmarj

12. Sabaw.

Shuta po ng pharmacist ng mercury. Sabi ko pabili ng fern-c. Binigay sakin condom. Pahiya ako dami tao. Shuta talaga.

Twitter: @XtianoRhoynaldo / Via Twitter: @XtianoRhoynaldo

13. *giggles*

Twitter: bashgita / Via Twitter: @bashgita

14. Ano ba?!!

My friends are getting married or pregnant. PUTANGINA NIYONG LAHAT ILAN NABA INAANAK KO THIS YEAR GRABE NAMAN YANG MGA PEKPEK NIYO HA.

Twitter: @louuuuiseee / Via Twitter: @louuuuiseee

15. Pati history medyo bastos:

Twitter: @annedrecurtis / Via Twitter: @annedrecurtis

16. Krissy naman eh!

Yung alter friend mo na puro booking nalang ang ginagawa 🙃

Twitter: @mnlhotdudes / Via Twitter: @mnlhotdudes

17. Not sure if yummy...

*netflix & chill* "hey do you have some chips"

Twitter: @janinacasucog / Via Twitter: @janinacasucog

18. Gutom ka pa?

Oh wow uhm yeah so ehem sausage rolls

Twitter: @PICOchu_ / Via Twitter: @PICOchu_

19. Luhod!

Baklang friend 1: i need sex. Baklang friend 2: bakla ur body is a temple Bakla 1: yes, and everyone can visit and pay homage on their knees

Twitter: @ellaelephant / Via Twitter: @ellaephant

20. What?

Twitter: @thysz / Via Twitter: @thysz

21. HAHAHAHA:

Mom: *nanonood ng Working Beks* *Gay sex scene goes on* Mom: Baka matulad ka dyan! Me, *internally*: HAHAHAHA I'VE DONE WORSE

Twitter: @thirstymaroon / Via Twitter: @thirstymaroon

22. This savage dad:

Me: Di nalang ako mag aanak Dad: Sa libog mo niyan taon taon ka mag kakaanak Me: lol enge milk money

Twitter: @_BAMFF / Via Twitter: @_BAMFF

23. This timely advice:

Pag harutan, harutan lang. Don't subo!

Twitter: @selftexture / Via Twitter: @selftexture

24. Seriously, listen:

If you already know that someday he will make suko, don't subo. A friendly reminder

Twitter: @chizkuuuh / Via Twitter: @chizkuuuh

25. So before you answer that booty call:

Twitter: @ReddieFerdie / Via Twitter: @ReddieFerdie

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