The 16 Tragic Stages Of A Failed High Five
True pain and shame.
You see your friend from across the room.
They approach you and raise their hand for the five.
You are still too far away to connect so you must try to go meet them halfway.
By now many people are witnessing this greeting build up, the pressure is on.
The connection appears as though it may not be successful at this trajectory. Your friend aborts and goes for the pound.
You are caught off guard, but attempt to re-adjust for the pound.
By the time you are in place your friend has given up and is going for the five again - or is it a handshake?
Your hands flicker as they switch between all the options, un-synced.
Meanwhile, you are still walking toward each other, you soon find yourself too close to successfully execute the five.
Instead, one of you attempts to turn the five into a shoulder slap.
The other sees the hand move into the peripheral and assumes they are going in for the hug.
You are now in a hug.
The hug is awkward but you are grateful the anticipation is over.
You stay in each others arms to avoid eye contact with your friend and facing what has happened.
You stay there until everyone around you has left.
You stay there until you die.
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