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4 Delicious Recipes To Make For Your Ex-Boyfriend

You'll make him wonder why he left you!

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1. Onion Soup With A Kick!

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Melt one teaspoon of butter in a medium saucepan over medium heat.

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Add 2 cups thinly sliced onion, ¼ teaspoon sugar, and ⅛ teaspoon ground black pepper.

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Stir occasionally while telling your ex-boyfriend that you probably won’t have any because "you’re really just trying to focus on your career right now and just do you." Cook 15 minutes or until golden brown.

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Stir in ¼ cup dry red wine and 5 large bottles of hot sauce

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Ideally have the bottles of hot sauce already prepped and ready to go in a container labeled “spices” or something.

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Add 1 ½ cups chicken broth, 1 ½ cups water, and ⅛ tespoons thyme.

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Reduce and serve.

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Stare into your ex-boyfriend’s eyes as he makes his way through the soup.

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Appreciate the fragility of life as his face becomes more pained and struggles to utter the word “why.” Remember, you don’t have to answer!

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Enjoy with a slice of baguette or with a little sprinkled cheese on top.

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2. Steak a la Resentment!

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Rinse your steaks and pat dry.

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Tenderize the steaks with an extra large mallet while you maintain direct eye contact with your ex-boyfriend. This is an important step. Beat the meat as hard you can for one hour without averting your glare from that douchebag’s horrified face.

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Delicately season the steaks with teaspoon of salt, a clove of garlic, and a tablespoon of rosemary.

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Heat two tablespoons of olive oil on a large skillet over low heat.

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Place the steaks on the skillet.

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Turn the heat up to absolute maximum.

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Observe your ex-boyfriend’s reaction as the steaks are thoroughly burnt to a crisp.

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Remember, direct eye contact.

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Serve with wine and a fresh garden salad. Your ex-boyfriend may protest, but remember that you also protested when he spent a week with his old college girlfriend but he did it anyway.

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3. Apple and Horseradish-Glazed Salmon!

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Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

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Combine ⅓ cup apple jelly, a tablespoon chopped chives, a tablespoon of horseradish, 1 tbsp champagne vinegar, and a little salt. Whisk.

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Divide the mixture into two bowls. Go ahead and stealthily dump a 16 oz. bottle of liquid laxative into one of the bowls.

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DO NOT MIX UP THE BOWLS.

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Heat oil over low heat in two separate skillets. If your ex-boyfriend asks why you are using two different skillets, tell him to shove off and that he’s horrible in bed.

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Cook the salmon for 3 minutes then turn over; brush one with apple mixture from one bowl, brush the other with apple mixture from the other bowl.

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Remove skillets from stove and bake at 350° for 5 minutes or until fish flakes easily when tested with a fork.

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DO NOT MIX UP THE SKILLETS.

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Serve. While your ex-boyfriend is in the bathroom, tell him all the reasons why you’re better off without him. Don’t forget to mention how despicable his mother is.

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Great over rice or with roasted vegetables.

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4. Strawberry-Rhubarb-Memories Pie!

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Preheat the oven to 425 degrees F.

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In a large bowl, mix the the 1 quart strawberries and 1 cup sugar until the sugar dissolves. Add 1 cup cubed rhubarb, ⅓ cup flour, and 1 tablespoon melted butter. Mix well.

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Unfold one pie crust and press firmly into a pie plate.

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Spoon the filling into the pie.

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Tenderly place every piece of jewelry or airport souvenir your ex-boyfriend has ever given you into the pie while whispering the reasons why you hate him.

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Conceal them in the filling. Do not be afraid to overload.

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Place the other pie crust over the pie. Slice some holes and pinch the edges.

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Bake 30-35 minutes or until crust is golden.

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Serve to your ex-boyfriend and watch as he gags on the piping hot metal chain of a necklace. When he asks “What the hell is this?” be ready to say “You tell me, opal isn’t MY birthstone!”

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Bon Apetit!

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