You've gone on strike at least once in your life.You don’t remember why.You complain when it’s too hot.You complain when it’s too cold.You complain when it’s too windy.You complain when there isn’t enough wind.You complain a lot.But you hate listening to other people complain.You’ve already cut in line today.You cut lines regularly.You’ve already yelled at someone for cutting in line.You’ve yelled at someone for cutting in line after cutting the same line yourself.You’ve taken part in demonstrations.You don’t remember what they were about.You can eat whole baguettes.You like your cheese stinky.Super stinky.Soul-crushingly stinky.You like talking about life over bottles of wine.You think life is meaningless.And way too short.You don’t like rich people.Nor successful people.You’ve tasted raw oysters.You loved it.You’ve had snails.And you loved it.You’ve tasted foie gras.You loved it.When you see a duck, you think about a duck confit.You don’t care about animal cruelty as long as it tastes good.You think France is the most beautiful country in the world.You distrust religions.And English people.And vegetarians.You don’t believe in God.But you believe in free healthcare.And free education.You know about ProustYou say you’ve read Proust but you actually stopped after the first page of Swann’s Way.You think there is some good to Communism.You’ve been to a communist festival.And you loved it.You agree with at least some ideas promoted by the Socialist party.You drank your first glass of alcohol before you reached 16.Your parents were there when you drank it.You smoke.You drink your coffee black.You sometimes judge people by the way they dress.Or the way they talk.Or by the books they read.You’d never wear sweatpants in public.Except at the gym.You don’t actually go to the gym.You’re loud.You don’t like loud people.You don’t like slow people.You don’t like stupid people.You don’t really like people.You know who Serge Gainsbourg is and you think he is a genius.You don’t care if a political leader cheats on his/her partner.You don’t care if he/she is married.You’re brutally honest.And sarcastic.You criticize everything.You’re never overly enthusiastic about anything.You don’t care very much for courtesies.But you can flirt like it’s nobody’s business.You think French should be the most spoken language in the world.In the meantime, you’ve decided not to bother with any other language.You hate tourists.But you're proud of the fact that France is the most popular touristic destination in the World.You don’t believe in dieting.You think juice cleanses should be illegal.You like butter.And heavy cream.And whipped cream.You like to eat.You took at least four hours a week of philosophy in high school.You already knew about existentialism at 15.You find berets fucking ridiculous.You think the bloody French revolution was glorious.You’re obsessed with American movies and TV shows.But you love to criticize Americans.You hate waiting.You shower everyday.But you don’t judge those who don’t.You hate when people only talk about Godard when you mention French culture.You speak French.You’re actually French.
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