Woman, Actually is the little corner of BuzzFeed where Mariela Summerhays writes about everything and anything to do with being a millennial mother — a woman first, mother second. Yes, you'll read about the glorious struggle and joy of child-rearing — but also about relationships, mental health and more. Because as it turns out, growing up doesn't stop at motherhood.
Trigger warning: This post discusses miscarriages and may be triggering for some readers.
Maybe your body woke you up today. Maybe an alarm clock.
And I'm so sorry — I'm sorry if it should've been a kid. Or two, or three or four. You deserve all the handmade cards you don't know where to keep and breakfast that tastes like nothing special, but really, actually sort of is.
Because you're a mother too.
I know, because I know motherhood, and motherhood is patience, no matter how it's exercised.
It's when I stick with a teachable moment, because I know the lesson is more important for my kids than getting a task done faster myself. It's when you waited for your body to learn it was no longer pregnant, though your mind and doctor already knew.
And as it was for your mother and mine, and theirs before them, motherhood is sacrifice, in all forms. It's me, sacrificing certain dreams and the space around me. It's you, sacrificing certain dreams and for a time, the space within you.
And maybe no one ever knew it but you and one other or two. I know there's no birth certificate that pronounces it, maybe not even an ultrasound to show for it.
But I hope you'll find this and know the flowers, the dry pasta necklaces and the scented candles — the ones you don't fancy, but burn out of love anyway — were always meant for you too.
You know better than anyone that something needn't physically be with you, to always be yours. Always.
I'm sorry the gift guides that went out this week and last were only ever, "because Mum never gets a minute to herself" and "for the expectant mother".
Because maybe you would've loved to give your minutes away to another person, and for a while, you were expecting. And dreaming and caring; and planning and loving.
Because you're a mother too.
