11 Hilariously Pretentious Lyrics Translated

Just spit it out already!

1. Radiohead, “Myxomatosis”

My thoughts are misguided and a little naive
I twitch and I salivate like with myxomatosis
You should put me in a home or you should put me down
I got myxomatosis
I got myxomatosis

Translation: Myxomatosis is some weird rabbit disease that causes skin tumors and death, which is a thing literally no one needs to know about, ever. Clearly he’s using a metaphor here (an emotional sickness?), but dude could have just said, “I don’t feel well. I don’t want to live.”

2. The Decemberists, “Hazards of Love 1 (The Prettiest Whistles Won’t Wrestle the Thistles Undone)”

Fifteen lithesome maidens lay
Along in their bower
Fourteen occupations pay
To pass the idle hour

Translation: “Lithesome” means supple, and a “bower” is a woman’s private room, so basically there are women hanging out but not because there aren’t enough jobs? Whatever.

3. Fall Out Boy, “Chicago Is So Two Years Ago”

‘Cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pain
I went through to avoid you
And every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention I still hate you

Translation: I don’t like you.

4. Tori Amos, “Doughnut Song”

Had me a trick and a kick and your message
Well you’ll never gain weight from a doughnut hole
Then thought that I could decipher your message
There’s no one here dear
No one at all

Translation: Doughnuts are a good metaphor for a douchey ex.

5. Muse, “Exo-Politics”

When the Zetas fill the skies
Will our leaders tell us why
Fully loaded satellites
Will conquer nothing but our minds

Translation: Zeta is a letter in the Greek alphabet, so I guess this is a metaphor for government control. Or something.

6. Rush, “Cinderella Man”

Because he was human
Because he had goodness
Because he was moral
They called him insane
Delusions of grandeur
Visions of splendor
A manic depressive
He walks in the rain

Translation: Things are not what they seem, especially wealth and status and stuff.

7. Death Cab for Cutie, “Transatlanticism”

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
When the water filled every hole.
And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
Making islands where no island should go.
Oh no.

Translation: I am far away from my lover; it’s a drag Pangea isn’t a thing still.

8. Sufjan Stevens, “Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois”

When the revenant came down
We couldn’t imagine what it was
In the spirit of three stars
The alien thing that took its form
Then to Lebanon, oh, God!
The flashing at night, the sirens grow and grow
(Oh, history involved itself)
Mysterious shade that took its form (or what it was!)
Incarnation, three stars
Delivering signs and dusting from their eyes

Translation: There is a weird thing in the sky. What is that weird thing?

9. Led Zeppelin, “The Battle of Evermore”

Queen of Light took her bow
And then she turned to go,
The Prince of Peace embraced the gloom
And walked the night alone.
Oh, dance in the dark of night,
Sing to the morning light.
The dark Lord rides in force tonight
And time will tell us all.

Translation: I have read a book. It’s called The Lord of the Rings.

10. Genesis, “The Musical Box”

Play me Old King Cole
That I may join with you,
All your hearts now seem so far from me
It hardly seems to matter now.
And the nurse will tell you lies
Of a kingdom beyond the skies.
But I am lost within this half-world,
It hardly seems to matter now.

Translation: We are nerds.

11. Guided by Voices, “The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory”

Cold hands touching my face
Don’t hide, the snake can see you
Old friends you might not remember
Fading away from you
The goldheart mountaintop queen directory
The goldheart mountaintop queen directory
And we looked
And we passed
Through the hallways of shatterproof glass

Translation: This doesn’t mean anything. This is just a list of words.

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