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    Posted on Jul 8, 2013

    11 Hilariously Pretentious Lyrics Translated

    Just spit it out already!

    1. Radiohead, "Myxomatosis"


    My thoughts are misguided and a little naive

    I twitch and I salivate like with myxomatosis

    You should put me in a home or you should put me down

    I got myxomatosis

    I got myxomatosis

    Translation: Myxomatosis is some weird rabbit disease that causes skin tumors and death, which is a thing literally no one needs to know about, ever. Clearly he's using a metaphor here (an emotional sickness?), but dude could have just said, "I don't feel well. I don't want to live."

    2. The Decemberists, "Hazards of Love 1 (The Prettiest Whistles Won't Wrestle the Thistles Undone)"


    Fifteen lithesome maidens lay

    Along in their bower

    Fourteen occupations pay

    To pass the idle hour

    Translation: "Lithesome" means supple, and a "bower" is a woman's private room, so basically there are women hanging out but not because there aren't enough jobs? Whatever.

    3. Fall Out Boy, "Chicago Is So Two Years Ago"


    'Cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pain

    I went through to avoid you

    And every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention I still hate you

    Translation: I don't like you.

    4. Tori Amos, "Doughnut Song"


    Had me a trick and a kick and your message

    Well you'll never gain weight from a doughnut hole

    Then thought that I could decipher your message

    There's no one here dear

    No one at all

    Translation: Doughnuts are a good metaphor for a douchey ex.

    5. Muse, "Exo-Politics"


    When the Zetas fill the skies

    Will our leaders tell us why

    Fully loaded satellites

    Will conquer nothing but our minds

    Translation: Zeta is a letter in the Greek alphabet, so I guess this is a metaphor for government control. Or something.

    6. Rush, "Cinderella Man"


    Because he was human

    Because he had goodness

    Because he was moral

    They called him insane

    Delusions of grandeur

    Visions of splendor

    A manic depressive

    He walks in the rain

    Translation: Things are not what they seem, especially wealth and status and stuff.

    7. Death Cab for Cutie, "Transatlanticism"


    I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere

    When the water filled every hole.

    And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,

    Making islands where no island should go.

    Oh no.

    Translation: I am far away from my lover; it's a drag Pangea isn't a thing still.

    8. Sufjan Stevens, "Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois"


    When the revenant came down

    We couldn't imagine what it was

    In the spirit of three stars

    The alien thing that took its form

    Then to Lebanon, oh, God!

    The flashing at night, the sirens grow and grow

    (Oh, history involved itself)

    Mysterious shade that took its form (or what it was!)

    Incarnation, three stars

    Delivering signs and dusting from their eyes

    Translation: There is a weird thing in the sky. What is that weird thing?

    9. Led Zeppelin, "The Battle of Evermore"


    Queen of Light took her bow

    And then she turned to go,

    The Prince of Peace embraced the gloom

    And walked the night alone.

    Oh, dance in the dark of night,

    Sing to the morning light.

    The dark Lord rides in force tonight

    And time will tell us all.

    Translation: I have read a book. It's called The Lord of the Rings.

    10. Genesis, "The Musical Box"


    Play me Old King Cole

    That I may join with you,

    All your hearts now seem so far from me

    It hardly seems to matter now.

    And the nurse will tell you lies

    Of a kingdom beyond the skies.

    But I am lost within this half-world,

    It hardly seems to matter now.

    Translation: We are nerds.

    11. Guided by Voices, "The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory"


    Cold hands touching my face

    Don't hide, the snake can see you

    Old friends you might not remember

    Fading away from you

    The goldheart mountaintop queen directory

    The goldheart mountaintop queen directory

    And we looked

    And we passed

    Through the hallways of shatterproof glass

    Translation: This doesn't mean anything. This is just a list of words.