Music

11 Hilariously Pretentious Lyrics Translated

Just spit it out already!

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1. Radiohead, "Myxomatosis"

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Lyric:

My thoughts are misguided and a little naive

I twitch and I salivate like with myxomatosis

You should put me in a home or you should put me down

I got myxomatosis

I got myxomatosis

Translation: Myxomatosis is some weird rabbit disease that causes skin tumors and death, which is a thing literally no one needs to know about, ever. Clearly he's using a metaphor here (an emotional sickness?), but dude could have just said, "I don't feel well. I don't want to live."

2. The Decemberists, "Hazards of Love 1 (The Prettiest Whistles Won't Wrestle the Thistles Undone)"

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Lyric:

Fifteen lithesome maidens lay

Along in their bower

Fourteen occupations pay

To pass the idle hour

Translation: "Lithesome" means supple, and a "bower" is a woman's private room, so basically there are women hanging out but not because there aren't enough jobs? Whatever.

3. Fall Out Boy, "Chicago Is So Two Years Ago"

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Lyric:

'Cause every pane of glass that your pebbles tap negates the pain

I went through to avoid you

And every little pat on the shoulder for attention fails to mention I still hate you

Translation: I don't like you.

4. Tori Amos, "Doughnut Song"

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Lyric:

Had me a trick and a kick and your message

Well you'll never gain weight from a doughnut hole

Then thought that I could decipher your message

There's no one here dear

No one at all

Translation: Doughnuts are a good metaphor for a douchey ex.

5. Muse, "Exo-Politics"

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Lyric:

When the Zetas fill the skies

Will our leaders tell us why

Fully loaded satellites

Will conquer nothing but our minds

Translation: Zeta is a letter in the Greek alphabet, so I guess this is a metaphor for government control. Or something.

6. Rush, "Cinderella Man"

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Lyric:

Because he was human

Because he had goodness

Because he was moral

They called him insane

Delusions of grandeur

Visions of splendor

A manic depressive

He walks in the rain

Translation: Things are not what they seem, especially wealth and status and stuff.

7. Death Cab for Cutie, "Transatlanticism"

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Lyric:

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere

When the water filled every hole.

And thousands upon thousands made an ocean,

Making islands where no island should go.

Oh no.

Translation: I am far away from my lover; it's a drag Pangea isn't a thing still.

8. Sufjan Stevens, "Concerning the UFO Sighting Near Highland, Illinois"

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Lyric:

When the revenant came down

We couldn't imagine what it was

In the spirit of three stars

The alien thing that took its form

Then to Lebanon, oh, God!

The flashing at night, the sirens grow and grow

(Oh, history involved itself)

Mysterious shade that took its form (or what it was!)

Incarnation, three stars

Delivering signs and dusting from their eyes

Translation: There is a weird thing in the sky. What is that weird thing?

9. Led Zeppelin, "The Battle of Evermore"

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Lyric:

Queen of Light took her bow

And then she turned to go,

The Prince of Peace embraced the gloom

And walked the night alone.

Oh, dance in the dark of night,

Sing to the morning light.

The dark Lord rides in force tonight

And time will tell us all.

Translation: I have read a book. It's called The Lord of the Rings.

10. Genesis, "The Musical Box"

audiojunkies.ca

Lyric:

Play me Old King Cole

That I may join with you,

All your hearts now seem so far from me

It hardly seems to matter now.

And the nurse will tell you lies

Of a kingdom beyond the skies.

But I am lost within this half-world,

It hardly seems to matter now.

Translation: We are nerds.

11. Guided by Voices, "The Goldheart Mountaintop Queen Directory"

magnetmagazine.com

Lyric:

Cold hands touching my face

Don't hide, the snake can see you

Old friends you might not remember

Fading away from you

The goldheart mountaintop queen directory

The goldheart mountaintop queen directory

And we looked

And we passed

Through the hallways of shatterproof glass

Translation: This doesn't mean anything. This is just a list of words.