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Everyone Can Stop Talking About The New Ken Dolls, Because Ken Has Been Serving Looks For Years


There's been a lot of internet commotion over the new Ken doll...

why...why are all the new Ken dolls youtubers

Every one of the new Ken Dolls is a different bartender who has ignored me

...but it's time to wake up, sheeple! Because Ken has been serving looks for YEARS.


Example A: Mod Hair Ken doll / Via

Yaaaas, Ken, yaaaas!

Mod Hair Ken has been serving looks since 1973... / Via

Better call Ken with the mod hair.

...and he came with removable mustaches, beards, sideburns, and an "I GIVE NO FUCKS" attitude.


*Whiskey sour and the bearskin rug where he likes to make love: SOLD SEPARATELY.*


I won't apologize, because you needed to see it.

Example B: Fashion Jeans Ken

Ebay: joebarsales / Via

Guess how many fucks Ken gives about the traditional confines of masculinity? NEGATIVE THREE.

In 1981, Ken found a deep pink V-shirt and was like, NOT GOOD ENOUGH. So he embroidered his name onto it, because that's just the kind of guy he is.

And if you don't like it...he's not gonna say anything because he's averse to conflict.

Ebay: @joebarsales / Via

Example C: Magic Earring Ken / Via

No words necessary, because the look has been SERVED.

Example D: Concert Date Ken / Via

Mmmmm...yes, Ken! Clench those concert tickets between your fingers!

Example E: Cali Girl Ken / Via

Puka sheeeeeell yeeeeah!

Example F: Sea Lovin' Ken / Via

Love that sea, Ken! Because the sea is loving you right back!

Example G: Rappin' Rockin' Ken

Amazon / Via

Never stop, Ken! Never stop doing you!

And finally, Example H: SuperStar Ken.

DONE. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Barbie CANNOT hang. Ken rules doll fashion.

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