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21 Things I Think About While Running

Recently I started to run, and admittedly, I have some messed up thoughts, seriously. Here is just a small sample of the things I thought about during my 4 mile run.

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1. Oh God, I hope I don't die.

Like hit by a car, and just my luck it will be one of those strangers that are like "Oh this could be bad on my record." Lucky for me I got flung into the trees where no one can see me and I die slowly.
Via google.com

Like hit by a car, and just my luck it will be one of those strangers that are like "Oh this could be bad on my record." Lucky for me I got flung into the trees where no one can see me and I die slowly.

2. It's not too late

I'm only ten feet away from the door. You can turn back and watch How I Met Your Mother.
Via google.com

I'm only ten feet away from the door. You can turn back and watch How I Met Your Mother.

3. How I Met Your Mother

What a great show. it's like Friends, minus one friend.
CBS / Via google.com

What a great show. it's like Friends, minus one friend.

4. Ouch everything hurts

No seriously, it hurts. oh i read something like run through the pain. Fuck you!
NBC / Via google.com

No seriously, it hurts. oh i read something like run through the pain. Fuck you!

5. The Phoebe Run

Warner Bros / Via google.com

For all that is good in the world, I hope I don't look like Phoebe when I run.

6. Kinda hope I look like

Via google.com

Tom Cruise running in Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol. But I'm nowhere near that cool.

7. Ugh, I hate this.

why do I run I hate this so much. SO. MUCH
Via google.com

why do I run I hate this so much. SO. MUCH

8. Oh Look, a black man running

I hope no one calls the police. Like I stole something. Just because I'm running away, doesn't mean I committed a crime. Brotha just trying to get in shape.
Via google.com

I hope no one calls the police. Like I stole something. Just because I'm running away, doesn't mean I committed a crime. Brotha just trying to get in shape.

9. But I will be in shape for...

the Zombiepocalypse! I will outrun all the others. May even "Shane" a guy. (A Shane is when you cripple someone in order to save yourself).
Via google.com

the Zombiepocalypse! I will outrun all the others. May even "Shane" a guy. (A Shane is when you cripple someone in order to save yourself).

10. French. Fries

I really want french fries. Maybe I can run by a McDonald's or something. Wait. There are none around.
Via google.com

I really want french fries. Maybe I can run by a McDonald's or something. Wait. There are none around.

11. Great. No fries. I want to die.

Oh look a car. I'll cartwheel in front of it.
Via google.com

Oh look a car. I'll cartwheel in front of it.

12. I like this song

Flux Pavillion's "I can't stop." Wait, are you challenging me not to stop. How dare you. I will stop if I want. Well I don't want to right now, but I could if I wanted to.
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Flux Pavillion's "I can't stop." Wait, are you challenging me not to stop. How dare you. I will stop if I want. Well I don't want to right now, but I could if I wanted to.

13. Is that a...

Oh my goodness. That's a skunk. Please don't spray me. Please please. Wait. Are you Pepe Le Pew. Okay, I see what you doing. Raising that tail trying to be funny. We are both black. Although you got a Lady Gaga thing going on. But if you spray me, black on black crime.
Via google.com

Oh my goodness. That's a skunk. Please don't spray me. Please please. Wait. Are you Pepe Le Pew. Okay, I see what you doing. Raising that tail trying to be funny. We are both black. Although you got a Lady Gaga thing going on. But if you spray me, black on black crime.

14. I hope I don't die...

wearing a ridiculous running outfit. I will be the laughing stock of the afterlife. Ugh. Double up. Ugh ugh.
Via google.com

wearing a ridiculous running outfit. I will be the laughing stock of the afterlife. Ugh. Double up. Ugh ugh.

15. I run because

I don't want to look like that, and I want to be able to see my junk at all times. run faster, faster, oh crap.
Via google.com

I don't want to look like that, and I want to be able to see my junk at all times. run faster, faster, oh crap.

16. There's a hill

I suck at hills. I may just roll down. Which would be funny actually. Little ol me, rolling down that hill. Almost tripped and made it a reality.
Via google.com

I suck at hills. I may just roll down. Which would be funny actually. Little ol me, rolling down that hill. Almost tripped and made it a reality.

17. I sweat

like the fat guy from the Gangsta's Paradise video. It's so bad.
Via google.com

like the fat guy from the Gangsta's Paradise video. It's so bad.

18. I wonder if Netflix thinks about me as much as I think about it.

No seriously. I have a love affair with Netflix.
Via google.com

No seriously. I have a love affair with Netflix.

19. The Murtaugh List

No seriously, why isn't running on the Murtaugh List? I'm looking at you, Ted. (Season 4, episode 19 How I Met Your Mother).
Via google.com

No seriously, why isn't running on the Murtaugh List? I'm looking at you, Ted. (Season 4, episode 19 How I Met Your Mother).

20. I'm almost there

Via google.com

Yes, I sang this song the last 100 yards as I thought about desserts. Gimme them all.

21. Made it.

Never doing that stupid shit again. Pass me the candy.
20th Century Fox / Via google.com

Never doing that stupid shit again. Pass me the candy.

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