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Animals March Madness, Round One: Wombats Vs. Sugar Gliders

An Aussie aww-off. See the full bracket here, and vote at the bottom of this post!

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EXHIBIT A: Sugar Gliders love sugar, like, seriously, they love it so much they were named after it. (Sugar Gliders, they're just like us!)

EXHIBIT A: Sugar gliders may have a sweet tooth, but they are also omnivores, meaning they basically eat anything (like a garbage disposal...GROSS). The gentle-souled wombat, by contrast, is a strict herbivore and eats mainly grasses and roots.


EXHIBIT B: When Sugar Gliders launch themselves from one place to the next, the webbing between their arms and back legs acts as a parachute. So, in other words, they can fly.

EXHIBIT B: Who wants a rodent with spiky teeth and razor-sharp nails flying at them through the air? That's just plain freaky and dangerous. Look at how adorably cooperative this wombat is, stretching his little legs on a nice harnessed leash!

Did you know wombats are champion waddlers? They can cover 325 feet in less than 10 seconds, which is as fast as the fastest Olympic sprinters. Look at him go! Wombats can run up to 25 miles per hour! Take that, sugar glider.


EXHIBIT C: The sheer fact that sugar gliders would attempt selfies just proves they are vain, self-obsessed creatures. Wombats, on the other hand, are full of compassion and make the best friends.


Look at this selfless critter posing with his namesake bandmates. What a patient little mate!


EXHIBIT D: Wombats are also nocturnal party animals, and are known as the most playful marsupial. For the record, they also look a A WHOLE LOT CUTER while sleeping than their opponent. I mean look at this little dude snoozing. Just sayin'.

Peggy the Wombat and Anzac the kangaroo, both orphaned, became BFF's after sharing a pouch together at the Wildlife Kilmore Rescue Centre in Victoria, Australia. NOTHING CAN OUTDO SUCH SELFLESS LOVE.

Exhibit E: This video of a Sugar Glider that Macklemore recently called "A triumph of rapping greatness."

View this video on YouTube


EXHIBIT E: Rapper? Let's be real people. That sugar glider is just chewing creepily. No one should trust a critter with such huge reflective eyes or Cruella De Vil fingernails.

View this video on YouTube

To restore your faith in marsupials, WATCH THIS VIDEO of the snuggliest furry wombat CUDDLING A HUMAN.

If you're short on time, cut to 1:12, when things get so cute you might just die by aww-overload.

DID YOU WATCH? If so, and you haven't made up your mind yet, there may be no hope for you.

EXHIBIT F: Did I mention that Sugar Gliders love to give kisses?

View this video on YouTube


EXHIBIT G: Wombats are marsupials too, and their pouches are even more awesome because they open backwards, so Baby Wombat doesn't fall out while Mama Wombat waddles about. PRETTY CLEVER, NO?

EXHIBIT H: Wombats are basically miniature bears and are the world's largest burrowing animals. Plus, they spend about 3/4 of their time in their burrows. In other words, they're the ULTIMATE CUDDLE BUDDIES.

And wombats are not to be outdone in the tiny department. I see your "sugar glider in teacup," and I raise you this unbelievably precious baby wombat in teacup!

EXHIBIT I: Wombats don't need costumes (or opposable digits) to be ready for Halloween. This baby wombat is a Dobby doppelganger, au naturel. And everyone knows Dobby was the MOST selfless and loyal friend. He doesn't need to buy your affection.

Every. Tasty. Video. EVER. The new Tasty app is here!