EXHIBIT A: Sugar Gliders love sugar, like, seriously, they love it so much they were named after it. (Sugar Gliders, they're just like us!)
EXHIBIT A: Sugar gliders may have a sweet tooth, but they are also omnivores, meaning they basically eat anything (like a garbage disposal...GROSS). The gentle-souled wombat, by contrast, is a strict herbivore and eats mainly grasses and roots.
Look at Wombat Bonney's tender gaze...Cuddly, docile wombats love and respect their fellow creatures far too much to eat them.
Not only are they vegetarians. They bring solace to those in need:
EXHIBIT B: When Sugar Gliders launch themselves from one place to the next, the webbing between their arms and back legs acts as a parachute. So, in other words, they can fly.
EXHIBIT B: Who wants a rodent with spiky teeth and razor-sharp nails flying at them through the air? That's just plain freaky and dangerous. Look at how adorably cooperative this wombat is, stretching his little legs on a nice harnessed leash!
Did you know wombats are champion waddlers? They can cover 325 feet in less than 10 seconds, which is as fast as the fastest Olympic sprinters. Look at him go! Wombats can run up to 25 miles per hour! Take that, sugar glider.
EXHIBIT C: Unlike Wombats, Sugar Gliders have mastered the selfie.
EXHIBIT C: The sheer fact that sugar gliders would attempt selfies just proves they are vain, self-obsessed creatures. Wombats, on the other hand, are full of compassion and make the best friends.
Need more proof of what great companions wombats are? Look at this guy helping his big sis steer her bike. Such glee! Such innocence!
And this sexy lady stepped up when this guy's prom date fell through. Wombats are always there to save the day.
EXHIBIT D: Sugar Gliders are nocturnal, so they're all about painfully cute naps during the day and partying at night.
EXHIBIT D: Wombats are also nocturnal party animals, and are known as the most playful marsupial. For the record, they also look a A WHOLE LOT CUTER while sleeping than their opponent. I mean look at this little dude snoozing. Just sayin'.
"What?," these alarmed wombats ask. "Not yet convinced of wombat superiority? BEHOLD THIS UNBELIEVABLE WOMBAT-KANGAROO LOVE STORY."
Peggy the Wombat and Anzac the kangaroo, both orphaned, became BFF's after sharing a pouch together at the Wildlife Kilmore Rescue Centre in Victoria, Australia. NOTHING CAN OUTDO SUCH SELFLESS LOVE.
Anzac was ousted from his mother's pouch three months premature, but dear wombat Peggy is now his loyal companion. They snuggle together at nighttime. WOMBAT CUTENESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS.
Exhibit E: This video of a Sugar Glider that Macklemore recently called "A triumph of rapping greatness."
EXHIBIT E: Rapper? Let's be real people. That sugar glider is just chewing creepily. No one should trust a critter with such huge reflective eyes or Cruella De Vil fingernails.
DID YOU WATCH? If so, and you haven't made up your mind yet, there may be no hope for you.