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Animals March Madness, Round One: Wombats Vs. Sugar Gliders

An Aussie aww-off. See the full bracket here, and vote at the bottom of this post!

EXHIBIT A: Sugar Gliders love sugar, like, seriously, they love it so much they were named after it. (Sugar Gliders, they're just like us!)

In particular, they love fresh fruit, sap from trees and nectar. Awww! -Erin La Rosa

EXHIBIT A: Sugar gliders may have a sweet tooth, but they are also omnivores, meaning they basically eat anything (like a garbage disposal...GROSS). The gentle-souled wombat, by contrast, is a strict herbivore and eats mainly grasses and roots.

Via Twitter: @CatherineFernnd

Look at this gentle-eyed wombat looking deep into your soul. -Marcelle Friedman

Look at Wombat Bonney's tender gaze...Cuddly, docile wombats love and respect their fellow creatures far too much to eat them.

Not only are they vegetarians. They bring solace to those in need:

Comforting indeed.

EXHIBIT B: When Sugar Gliders launch themselves from one place to the next, the webbing between their arms and back legs acts as a parachute. So, in other words, they can fly.

They can also regulate the glide down by moving their arms and legs, like a rudder, because they're total bosses.

EXHIBIT B: Who wants a rodent with spiky teeth and razor-sharp nails flying at them through the air? That's just plain freaky and dangerous. Look at how adorably cooperative this wombat is, stretching his little legs on a nice harnessed leash!


Did you know wombats are champion waddlers? They can cover 325 feet in less than 10 seconds, which is as fast as the fastest Olympic sprinters. Look at him go! Wombats can run up to 25 miles per hour! Take that, sugar glider.


EXHIBIT C: Unlike Wombats, Sugar Gliders have mastered the selfie.

EXHIBIT C: The sheer fact that sugar gliders would attempt selfies just proves they are vain, self-obsessed creatures. Wombats, on the other hand, are full of compassion and make the best friends.


Look at this selfless critter posing with his namesake bandmates. What a patient little mate!

Need more proof of what great companions wombats are? Look at this guy helping his big sis steer her bike. Such glee! Such innocence!

And this sexy lady stepped up when this guy's prom date fell through. Wombats are always there to save the day.

EXHIBIT D: Sugar Gliders are nocturnal, so they're all about painfully cute naps during the day and partying at night.

EXHIBIT D: Wombats are also nocturnal party animals, and are known as the most playful marsupial. For the record, they also look a A WHOLE LOT CUTER while sleeping than their opponent. I mean look at this little dude snoozing. Just sayin'.

"What?," these alarmed wombats ask. "Not yet convinced of wombat superiority? BEHOLD THIS UNBELIEVABLE WOMBAT-KANGAROO LOVE STORY."

Peggy the Wombat and Anzac the kangaroo, both orphaned, became BFF's after sharing a pouch together at the Wildlife Kilmore Rescue Centre in Victoria, Australia. NOTHING CAN OUTDO SUCH SELFLESS LOVE.

Anzac was ousted from his mother's pouch three months premature, but dear wombat Peggy is now his loyal companion. They snuggle together at nighttime. WOMBAT CUTENESS KNOWS NO BOUNDS.

Exhibit E: This video of a Sugar Glider that Macklemore recently called "A triumph of rapping greatness."

View this video on YouTube

EXHIBIT E: Rapper? Let's be real people. That sugar glider is just chewing creepily. No one should trust a critter with such huge reflective eyes or Cruella De Vil fingernails.

View this video on YouTube

To restore your faith in marsupials, WATCH THIS VIDEO of the snuggliest furry wombat CUDDLING A HUMAN.

If you're short on time, cut to 1:12, when things get so cute you might just die by aww-overload.

DID YOU WATCH? If so, and you haven't made up your mind yet, there may be no hope for you.

EXHIBIT F: Did I mention that Sugar Gliders love to give kisses?

View this video on YouTube

EXHIBIT F: You've already seen how affectionate wombats are with their human and kangaroo pals, but this nose-to-nose wombat-on-wombat kissy action is just another level of sweet.

Mommy and baby wombat!

EXHIBIT G: Like Kangaroos, Sugar Gliders have a pouch where their babies, called "joeys" can get all cozy and cute.

EXHIBIT G: Wombats are marsupials too, and their pouches are even more awesome because they open backwards, so Baby Wombat doesn't fall out while Mama Wombat waddles about. PRETTY CLEVER, NO?

EXHIBIT H: Sugar Gliders love cuddling while they nap, just look at how excited this little guy is to have his cute friend by his side!

His fists are clenched in sweet victory!

But they also look super adorbs in tea cups, because they're tiny enough to fit in those with room to spare!

Something a full grown Wombat could only ever dream of.

EXHIBIT H: Wombats are basically miniature bears and are the world's largest burrowing animals. Plus, they spend about 3/4 of their time in their burrows. In other words, they're the ULTIMATE CUDDLE BUDDIES.

And wombats are not to be outdone in the tiny department. I see your "sugar glider in teacup," and I raise you this unbelievably precious baby wombat in teacup!


Healesville Sanctuary of Victoria, Australia

EXHIBIT I: They have opposable fingers and toes! Which makes it super helpful when Halloween rolls around, and they can put on their itty bee costumes while you fluff your hair.

EXHIBIT I: Wombats don't need costumes (or opposable digits) to be ready for Halloween. This baby wombat is a Dobby doppelganger, au naturel. And everyone knows Dobby was the MOST selfless and loyal friend. He doesn't need to buy your affection.

Closing Arguments:

Seriously, this Sugar Glider who's addicted to sugar is willing to share a strawberry if it means snagging your vote.

Hello, selfless!

No sugar glider can hold a candle to this toothful grin. Just look at the sparkle in her eyes. And those whiskers. Oh, those winsome whiskers.

But now, gentle readers, this curious Sugar Glider has an important question: "Will you vote for me, please?!"

Here, for your pleasure, is a wombat peeking out of a box. Dear readers, do what you know you must do. That is all.


Voting is closed!

Wombats win!