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These are the deep cuts, folks.
Liddle Kiddles first debuted as homely waifs in the '60s, but the new Kiddles were revamped upon their re-release because, sorry, us '90s kids demanded a little more fucking glamour in our playthings.
How satisfying was it to scrunch these wiry, cloth strands of hair and see them maintain their shape?! These ponies were thicc too.
The '90s had a huge boner for teeny-tiny dolls who lived in some sort of plastic contraption. Now, we know it was all a commentary on the way capitalism traps women under glass ceilings under the guise of aspiration!
Peppermint Rose was a doll that came with perfume you could mix and spray (or, in my case, drink and get the Poison Control Center called). It also had a scented pet that was sold separately.
Sweet Secrets was the toy you pestered your mom for at the grocery store just because it was there. One of the more useless toys on this list, to be frank.
L'il Miss Makeup was the beauty influencer all of these basic bishes wish they could be! Her makeup changed in cold water, and she looked like a subject of that old "Living Dolls" documentary on HBO. Fabulous!
Brush-A-Loves were vain little queens with brushes at the end of their tails and mirrors on their paw. You can't fight frowns if you not cute!!!
These goofy-ass pillows were dumb, and I never loved them or wanted one.
LMAO, that name!!! I swear I would see these babies and their themed hideaways all over other friends' houses but never saw them in a store myself. I thought I hallucinated these for the longest time.
These wee bitches had skirts made of some rubbery silicone material that could flip upwards to turn them into cupcakes. Okay, sis! Whatever makes you happy!
The only feature these critters had were arms that barely moved up and down. Even as a toddler I was underwhelmed.
Merwees checked everything off the '90s girl-toy list:
✔️ Tiny woman
✔️ Plastic home
✔️ Animal friend
✔️ Derivative as hell
✔️ Mermaid
Miss PJ Sparkles was a glam baby doll by day and a terrifying light-up nightmare by dark.
It was such a simple time for little girls back then: All we wanted were mildly trampy animals with sparkly hair.
Tea Bunnies lived in teacups, wore big hats, and came with cute little desserts. I never understood why they had flowery growths at the top of their ears, but hey, that's showbiz, baby.
They looked like socialites on Valium and to view them from the back was to peek into Hades, but for a minute in the early 2000s we went crazy for these interactive dolls and their clip-on clothes...
...until the superior Bratz came along and changed the thotty big-headed teen-doll game for good.