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16 Reasons Halloween And Christmas Are Basically The Same Holiday

Both holidays make me very anxious, and I just realized it's for all the same reasons.

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1. Both are exceptionally scary.

Halloween: Zombies, monsters, demons, the existential paranoia that no one is ever really who they appear to be and that death eventually comes for us all...

Christmas: Allegedly some fat, bearded old foreign man who is really into children sitting on his lap breaks into your home, eats your snacks, leaves you nice stuff that for all you know could have been stolen, exits without a trace and lets you live with the constant paranoia that he sees you when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake. Good God.

4. Both are largely based upon subtle threats.

Halloween: Behave accordingly or kids will play a mischievous trick upon you.

Christmas: Behave accordingly or Santa will break into your home and give you coal, which is useless because the fireplace is less than a foot away and is literally chock full of that shit.

5. Both holidays glamorize the bothering of neighbors.

Christmas: Carolers be like ♪ Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg/ The Batmobile lost its wheel and Joker is my dad ♫

Halloween: Kids be like ♫ Trick or treat, smell my feet/ give me something good to eat/ If you don't, I'll tell my father about this. ♪

7. ...And no one really wants to take down the decorations.

Halloween: "Screw it, I'll just say I'm going for an Addam's Family motif."

Christmas: "Maybe if I just don't plug in the lights, that will make them invisible and no one will know they're still all over my house and windows and bushes!" *It's April*

10. Other people will disappoint you the most on these holidays.

Christmas: "I've been your daughter for 20 whole years and you still have no idea how to shop for me?"

Halloween: You work so hard on your "dunkin' donuts" costume and everyone thinks you're a basketball playing- donut. Idiots.

13. You're completely screwed if you wait 'til the last minute to prepare for these holidays.

Halloween: Wait too long and you're stuck with a costume you have to keep explaining why is good.

Christmas: Wait too long and you're stuck with a present you have to keep explaining why is good.

15. Children are the only real winners of both holidays...

Christmas: Class parties, butt loads of candy, getting cool stuff for free, showing off the cool stuff you got for free.

Halloween: Class parties, butt loads of candy, getting cool stuff for free, showing off the cool stuff you got for free.

16. ...Except when they're not.

Halloween: Raisins and toothbrushes when trick-or-treating, parents making you wear a jacket which will RUIN your costume, tummy aches from too much candy...

Christmas: We've all had that one childhood year of massive present disappointment. Mine was Christmas of '98. Didn't get a Furby. Still not quite over it.